The Cube
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Bella is a unique girl, to say the least, and meets Edward when he needs to learn a different way to live. She helps him look at the world in a whole new way and find true love. SDFreeze Story AH
1. Chapter 1

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 1

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

I work in a cubicle, a stupid square cubical, in a stupid square building, for a stupid company I care nothing about. When I was small I never said, "When I grow up I want to work in a cubicle." So, how in the hell did I end up here?

I looked at the half walls which were supposed to secure me from the other brain-dead workers. They were covered in industrial grade carpet, so I could tack things to the walls. I looked at the picture of my dog, a white curly Bishon Frise, sitting on a tiny red leather couch with a diamond studded collar.

I didn't really have a dog, I found the picture online and thought it was cute, so I put it in a frame and called it my dog, Sami. It sits next to the picture of my two sisters, which I don't really have, either. I tell everyone I'm adopted, but they love me as if I was their actual sister. In reality I'm an only child.

My days are so mind numbing I have to do things to liven them up. I glanced across the walkway at the guy in the cubicle even with mine. He was neat, too neat, most likely a serial killer, a gorgeous, hot, sexy, serial killer. His cube was perfect and I noticed his file cabinet open, displaying perfectly placed color coded files.

I pulled open my file drawer and everything was stuffed haphazardly with files facing in all directions. I knew exactly where everything was, and had to hope I didn't die on my way to work some morning or the person taking over my cube would be totally lost. I shut the drawer quickly in case Mr. Perfect happened to look over, which he never did. He liked the square and I longed for a squiggle. Why didn't architects design buildings in a squiggle?

I would happily sit in a line of desks, with my back against the wall and my arm able to reach out to touch the window. I would even joyfully climb on the row of desks to walk down the long squiggle to reach the door. I really hated squares.

My hands quickly flew to the keyboard of my computer when my boss, Mr. Whitlock, walked by. He gave me the creeps, always staring at everyone, but a girl in a cube three down from me thought he was a God.

I don't think Gods walk with their hands behind their backs and stare in a creepy, I know something you don't know, way. I had a news flash for his eminence; I don't want to know what he knows! The less I understand about this square company, the bigger my chance of getting out of here someday.

"Hey, Belly," my roommate called out.

"Hi Rose," I sighed, hating her nickname for me. I wasn't four and she obviously spent too much time baby talking to her Cro-Magnon boyfriend.

"I heard we are almost to our goal and we still have two more days left in the month," she said way too enthusiastically.

"We have a goal?" I asked, nobody told me about a goal, a goal for what…how many hours we can stay in the square without going insane?

"If we reach the goal we get an office party, don't you ever pay attention?" she said like she was my mother.

"Oh goody," I said and rolled my eyes. Parties in a square, just kill me now.

She walked off and I sighed loudly making Mr. Perfect glance over his pretend wall and look at me. My first response was the desire to pull down all my papers pinned to my carpeted half wall. He had one, one paper of utter importance. I had three alone which contained nothing but my horoscope for the month. I looked at them quickly to see if any of them mentioned the serial killer giving me attention.

"Did she mention a party?" he asked me.

"Just a sec," I said as I raised my finger and finished reading the day's horoscope. Nope, none of the psychics saw him coming. I looked back at him and said, "What?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," he said and I chuckled. We were in freaking squares, please, interrupt. "I thought I heard her mention a party."

"I don't consider an office pot luck a party," I said dryly. "Do you?"

"No, I need to set up a personal appointment and thought I would do it during the party, if possible," he explained and I wondered why he would tell me so much information. I know, he must be dying; poor perfect guy has a brain tumor or a rare blood disease which makes him ridiculously neat.

"You can take time off for doctor appointments and stuff like that, no need to do it during a party," I told him in case he thought he was confined to the cube as punishment.

He smiled and my breast raised half an inch in response. I couldn't remember ever seeing him smile and he quickly moved up to the number one hottest serial killer. "It isn't that kind of appointment," he said.

I scooted my standard issue chair closer to him and whispered, "A job interview?"

This time he laughed, and he laughed loudly. My dying, perfect, serial killer was actually kind of a prick. The rare sound caught Mr. Whitlock's attention and he came to see why someone was enjoying themselves at work.

"What's so funny, Edward?" he said with a slight smile on his face.

Edward, gah, who names a kid Edward, unless he is the grandson of someone important, but I couldn't think of a single important Edward. Well, maybe there was a king or something, long ago, but he didn't look particularly royal.

"I was just telling the pretty girl what an ass you are, Jasper," he said and I quickly looked away so I wouldn't see the carnage.

Then the God of freaky stares laughed, like he was simply human or something. I knew three cubes down Alice was most likely having an orgasm and wishing there was a title higher than God she could bestow on her crush.

I was still reeling from the serial killer *cough* Edward, gah, calling me a pretty girl. I should have corrected him and demanded he respect me and refer to me as a woman, but what actually makes one a woman? Is it the loss of virginity, check. Moving out of the parent's home, check. The ability to legally drink, check. Yep, I was a woman...unless working in a cubicle sucks you right back into girl status, crap.

During my whole, I am woman, inner dialog I had been asked a question and sat with a perplexed look on my face. I assume the square had dulled my ability to pay attention when men spoke to me, but I finally looked up to see Jasper and Edward, gah, looking at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I asked you if you knew Jessica Stanley?" Edwa…perfect guy asked.

"Who doesn't, of course I can only recognize her if she's lying on her back with her feet in the air," I said as I shook my head.

Jessica was easy; actually she was easier than easy. She could take the S.A.T's as she screwed and get a perfect score. I knew her in high school and although we were aware of each other's existence, I would never consider her a friend.

The men were speechless and looked at each other and paled. "Oh God," I mumbled. "One of you is sleeping with Stanley aren't you, or both of you, both of you are sleeping with her and I just said something awful about your girlfriend."

"She's my wife," Edward, gah, said with a tight jaw.

I gave an odd half laugh, as he stared over my half wall. Nobody would marry Jessica Stanley unless he was her pimp or totally ignorant. Ah, poor dying, perfect, serial killer is mentally handicapped. I let my head fall to the side and said, "You park next to the door, don't you?"

"What?" he said with a furrowed brow. The God understood my comment, and laughed appreciatively.

"You actually married Jessica Stanley?" I asked him outright.

"We're separated," he said softly as if he wanted to keep the news quiet. It was something he should be announcing with a large sign as he danced on a street corner.

Alice came walking into my square so she could be in close proximity to worship her God with complete devotion. Mr. Whitlock looked her up and down, which I found disgusting, since he didn't look me up and down.

"Am I interrupting?" she asked in her girly voice. She had the most success over the phone because men somehow thought her voice meant she was sitting in her square with fishnet stockings and sucking a lollipop. My voice was deep and conjured up images of a fishing shack.

"I'll let you get back to work," Edward, gah, said.

Mr. Whitlock remained, just as Alice had hoped. "Did I hear rumors of a party?" she asked and leaned her tiny hands on my half wall.

"If we reach our goal, but all projections show we will exceed it easily," Jasper said to sound very authoritative.

At that moment my phone rang. I stared at it like a foreign object. My job was to answer online questions, not take calls. I needed to answer it, but I couldn't remember the company name. I was drawing a blank right in front of my supervisor. I glanced at the conglomeration of papers stuck to my industrial grade carpeted wall and not one had a logo or name anywhere.

I finally swallowed and picked up the receiver. "Bella Swan, how may I help you," I said. It was good, spur of the moment, and I came through like a champ. I glanced at my two pretend sisters and thanked them for the inspiration.

"Do you have a minute?" a low soft voice came over the phone.

Huh? I had no idea who had called and it didn't appear to be work related. I needed more inspiration from my smiling siblings and finally came up with, "Can I have your name, please."

"This is Edward, from across the way," he said with a whisper and then laughed quietly.

If I was experienced with living in a square I would have known cube etiquette would have stopped me from looking in his direction, but I was a squiggle person, so I looked right at him. "Just answer yes or no," he instructed.

"My buddy Jasper has a thing for your friend, Alice. Is she available?"

"He should write her a note and ask her to check the yes box or the no box," I said with my hand around my mouth and speaking into the phone quietly. What was he, twelve? If he liked her he should ask her on a date. He had stared at her enough to make them intimate friends already.

"I know this is juvenile, but he is very…proper about how he does things. I'm afraid he will let the opportunity pass and regret it later."

"Oh my God, do I have to do everything," I moaned. "Hold on. Hey, Alice, do you have plans for lunch?"

"No," she said and I saw how she stole a quick peek at Jasper.

"Great, Jasper will you take Alice to lunch for me?" I asked and they both let their mouths drop open.

"Um…sure," he finally responded.

"Super, now can you go to Alice's cubicle to figure it out?"

I waited until they both left and went back to the phone, which was silly since I only had to look sideways to talk to Edward, gah. "Done," I said.

He laughed and looked over at me as I still held the phone to my ear. "You should be my divorce lawyer," he said.

"I would have you locked away," I said as I looked at him and talked into the phone. "Did you lose a bet or something?"

"She was less than honest," he said and his eyes saddened.

"Yeah, most whores lie," I explained to his obviously lacking intellect.

He finally hung up and turned to face me full on. I returned the phone to the cradle and looked at him nervously. "Sorry, I'm too blunt sometimes."

"It isn't like I knew everything about her. I met her at church and …"

"You met her at Church?" I gasped. "Was her head spinning with vomit spewing from her mouth?" The whole pleasuring with the crucifix wouldn't surprise anyone, but actually attending a service would be downright shocking.

"She pretended to be sweet," he said and looked down in embarrassment.

"Sure, just like prunes are sweet, but if you eat them you'll end up in deep shit."

He laughed loudly again and it made me smile. Now I understood how serial killers got women to go with them, they probably worked very hard on their laughs and smiles.

"You're witty," he said.

"No, just very cynical," I admitted and felt exposed by one simple sentence.

"If I was free I would ask you to lunch," he said and everything suddenly changed. The half walls were too low and the squares felt like they were closing in on me. I had no idea what to say when a serial killer asks you on a date. I would be on a milk carton soon because I never learned how to turn down a killer.

"A..yeah, well, okay," I stammered, and mentally cursed those damn psychics and their blind spots.

"Did I make you uncomfortable?" he asked with a crooked smile. Maybe my stupid blush would end up saving me after all. I would become uncomfortable right from the beginning and he wouldn't be able to lure me into his lair.

"No," I said forcefully. "I'm just not sure about your mental health, I mean, you married J.S."

"And the need to redeem myself is huge," he said with a smile.

"I'm not sure it is something you can come back from. If you enter hell, can you work your way out?"

"I guess I need an angel to save me," he said and gave me his sexy look. I actually looked down at my lap to see if smoke was rising. His phone rang and he turned back to his desk, leaving only the back wheels of his chair in my view.

I looked at my computer and had three messages waiting for a response. I went back to work and tried to give intelligible answers but my mind was screaming and having an internal battle. He married Jessica, so he was stupid, or easily fooled. He was gorgeous, so again, most likely stupid or easily fooled. He called me pretty girl, and angel, so I was stupid or easily fooled. We must be destined for each other.

When his cell phone rang he stood quickly and walked down the hallway as he answered. I rolled to the cubicle opening and peeked out to watch his long legs and tight butt walk away. I saw two other heads peek out too, one was Eric's. So many things began to make sense, now.

I had heard Edward, gah, speak on his cell many times, but this time he left, so I knew it must be Jessica calling. She must have woken up in a strange bed and needed directions to get home. My bitterness was deeply rooted in the fact she slept with my boyfriend in high school. Damn, if she wasn't getting divorced I could sleep with Edward, gah, and get even. It was a punishment I would have been willing to take. Does sleeping with a whore's husband make one a whore? Life was so full of questions.

* * *

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for the Cube story. All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.

http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931&p=1178902


	2. Chapter 2

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 2

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 2

When lunchtime came Alice walked to her little sports car and drove to the front of the square building where her God waited. Rose met her large, stupid man in the cafeteria. He worked in the warehouse and I often wondered what he did, because surely he couldn't read.

I walked past them and Emmett laughed, "Hey, Belly, nice plaid, are you coming out of the closet finally?"

"Back off the roids, nutless," I responded and he laughed even louder. I hated Emmett. He hung out at our apartment all the time and had broken a kitchen chair, a recliner, and most of the mattress springs on Rosalie's bed.

I grabbed my square tray and began the torturous walk down the aisle of processed food. I looked at the small bowl of jello, cut into squares, and wanted to scream. I made my way past the squared lasagna and stopped at the cheese sandwiches. Inspiration hit me, sent by my beautiful sisters, and I grabbed a sandwich and placed the rim of my cup over it and pushed. I tossed the edges in the trash and walked proudly to the cashier with my round sandwich.

"What is that?" she asked.

"A cheese sandwich," I told her since she was obviously a square person.

"Where's the rest of it?" she asked and looked around my tray.

"I threw it away."

"I don't think you are allowed to do that," she said and looked very confused.

"I'm not allowed to cut my sandwich?" I asked with raised eyebrows.

"After you pay for it you can, but you need to wait until you are seated."

My mouth was literally hanging open, like Emmett trying to do math. I watched her look around for a supervisor and decided to stop her coronary which was threatening. I walked back to the trash to recover my sandwich corners and brought them back to my tray.

"Happy?" I said and tossed a five dollar bill at her.

She didn't respond, but finally gave me my change so I could fill my cup and leave. I was never going to get my squiggles. People were too conditioned to want squares and I was alone in my need. I sat down next to Rose and tossed the germy corners of my sandwich onto the table. Emmett picked them up and began eating. I never said a word.

"Did you hear Mr. Whitlock took Alice to lunch?"

"You're kidding," I gasped, acting like I knew nothing about it.

"I think he likes her," she said with a nod.

"Well, he did check the yes box on her note," I said cynically and was the only one to find humor in my statement.

"There's going to be a monster truck rally at the civic center," Emmett said to Rose with a mouth full of garbage can sandwich bits. There were so many comments I could make about him being the monster and all, but with Emmett sometimes it was just too easy and not worth my talent.

"You can go, babe, the loud trucks hurt my ears," Rose told him and he nodded like it was a huge sacrifice to leave her behind. "Belly and I will go to a movie."

"There's nothing good playing," I said and knew exactly which sappy, romantic, ex-Disney star movie she would want to see.

"What's at the playhouse?" she asked and I suddenly became interested. Live theater I could do.

"I'll look into it," I told her.

The room began to empty as we all headed back to our cubes. I took the stairs, due to my fear of being stuck in a square without fresh air, as firemen lowered themselves on wires to save me. My father was a policeman so I knew they did talk about the stupid people they had to save. I didn't want my weight analyzed by the buff man pulling me to safety, or my underwear on display as he swung me to freedom. Plus it worked my cardio and leg muscles.

I could see the back of Mr. Perfect as I walked to my assigned square and wondered if he ate lunch or spent it fighting with Jessica STD's Stanley. I sat in my chair and looked at my square monitor full of messages.

I groaned and opened the first one. _I find you charming._

I looked at the address and saw it came from E. Cullen. Who in the hell was E. Cullen and why was he finding me anything?

I opened the next one. _I hope you don't find my temporary insanity a reason to refuse me._

Wonderful, an insane person was the one finding me charming and actually wondered if it was the reason I would refuse him…well, duh.

The third message was actually from a customer but the fourth said, _I just spoke to my lawyer and the divorce should be final soon._

Again, my lack of squareage etiquette found me looking over at the cubicle across from me. E must be Edward, gah, and his last name was Cullen. I wondered why the name was so familiar. I said it over and over again in my mind, Cullen, Cullen. I knew that name but couldn't put my finger on it.

I hit reply and typed, _Why is the name Cullen familiar? And, it is kind of creepy that you are emailing me from five feet away._

He was much more civilized than me and didn't look at my square once before he quickly began typing. _It is the signature on your pay stub, Carlisle Cullen is my father. I don't mind creepy, do you?_

We just jumped right on past creepy and landed in OMG territory. My cluttered mess of an office was proudly on display for the son of the company president. All my snide remarks and cutting observations had been made in his presence. Wait, most of them were said only in my own head, maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought.

I forced myself not to look over this time and responded with, _Does your father hate you? Why aren't you in some plush office on the top floor?_

I heard him chuckle, breaking cubicle etiquette, and I had to resist the urge to stand up and yell, Ah ha, as I pointed accusingly. He wasn't perfect after all, and maybe it meant he wasn't a serial killer either.

_I'm working my way up the various floors. This is so much better than the basement, the guys in the warehouse are scary,_ he answered.

I smiled and knew we shared at least one thing in common. It also saddened me that he would escape the cubicle eventually and move on to a square office with real walls going all the way to the ceiling. I opened up a bit and hoped I wouldn't regret it, _My roommate dates Emmett McCarty. You have no idea how scary he really is. He considers flatulence declarations of love. I would move, but your father doesn't pay very well._

This time he laughed loudly and when I looked over he did, too. I wasn't sure what to do; this was new and reiterated the whole need for a squiggly office. I stared like a Whitlock as he stood and came over to lean on my half wall, right over my picture of my latest Hollywood lust, wearying nothing but shorts and displaying impressive abs.

"Are you asking me to get you a raise?" he teased.

I wondered for a moment if he actually could, maybe that was how he ended up with Stanley? I leaned back in my chair in an attempt to appear casual, you know, just chillin in my cube. "Do you act as a spy, running to daddy with information on the underlings?"

"You would be able to speak to my father before I would," he said and I noted a hint of bitterness.

"Is that why you have only made it to the third floor, Daddy's too busy?" I asked and seriously wanted an answer.

"No, I actually want to understand every part of the business," he said sincerely.

"Cullen Corporation," I suddenly blurted out as I pointed at him. The name popped into my mind and my mouth let it escape. Now he truly knew I didn't remember the name of the company I was working for.

"You might want to write it down," he teased and I felt my face blush with humiliation.

"There goes my raise," I said and he laughed. He had such a wonderful laugh, it was childlike and infectious. I was sure Jessica fell in love with his laugh, right after she fell in love with his…dangler. I wondered how she got her hooks into him, but felt it would be too rude to ask, so I simply said, "You've been to Forks?"

"Yeah, I spent a week there one day," he said with a smirk and I nodded.

"Clever, most people drive right on thru instead of marrying the attraction," I said and watched his smirk change to a grimace. "My father is the police chief."

"Explains the attitude," he said and it knocked me off my high horse. Living with the reputation of the chief's daughter was not easy, and yeah, I developed an attitude. But he wasn't one to talk; he married the town whore, so I climbed right back up on my haughty stallion.

"Get me a raise and I'll get you out of tickets," I bargained.

His face looked stunned and he looked a bit nervous when he asked, "How do you know I have tickets?"

"Forks is a speed trap, didn't Jessica warn you? The town makes a fortune from all the men speeding away from her house."

I finally crossed a line and he began to get angry. She was going to be his ex soon, but he still felt the need to defend his decision to marry her. "I get it, Jessica was less than innocent. Why do you feel the need to throw it in my face constantly?"

I smiled and decided to tell him the truth. "I was young and experiencing first love, she decided to let my guy experience something a bit more...experienced. I was crushed."

"Maybe the guy was just a player?" he said.

"Well, she played with his friends that night too; you could say it was a coming of age experience for most of the tribe."

I noticed how his jaw tightened and wondered if he felt the need to suddenly get a blood test. I also noticed how much it hurt to tell him about Jake's betrayal. I was certain he loved me and believed we would marry and raise gorgeous dark skinned babies.

"I'm sorry," he said softy as his fingers began picking a lose thread from my industrial grade enclosure. "I know what cheating feels like. It hurts."

I felt awful for making such a joke out of Jessica, even though it was my need for revenge spurring me on. I did remember the hurt I felt when Jake cheated on me and I knew it must be so much more painful for Edward. I forced myself to leave off the internal, gah.

"I'm sorry, Edward. You're right, and I know you must be in pain so I should just shut up about Jessica."

He nodded and looked away for a moment before finally turning back to me and saying with a smile, "So, about those tickets?"

"Show me the money, Cullen," I countered and he walked into my cube. He entered my holy edifice usually reserved for friends and supervisors only. The square shrunk immediately and I felt like I was pressed against him, breathing loudly in his face. My clutter doubled and continued to grow with each second he remained inside my personal space.

His hand reached for my phone and his deliciously long fingers dialed an extension as I mentally checked to see if I was drooling. He leaned against the edge of the desk portion of my half wall and my lowered eyes were staring directly at his crotch.

Grey, his dress slacks were grey and they rode low on his hips, even though he was wearing a black belt with a silver buckle attached through the third hole. I yelled at myself to look away and stop acting like I was going to give a detailed description to Eric in the break room.

"This is Edward, is my father available?" he said into my phone, speaking with his breath blowing all over the mouthpiece. I wanted to lick it, and told myself it was nothing like Emmett eating my sandwich pieces from the trash. There weren't any germs on my phone, his sweet breath couldn't possibly contain germs, and then the mental picture of him kissing Jessica entered my mind and I threw up a little in my mouth.

"Hi, dad," he said and my heart fell into my feet. I shook my head furiously at him and tried to grab the phone from his hand. He spun around to get out of my reach, so I jumped on my chair and almost climbed over his back. "Tell mom I'll be there for dinner tonight, and I'll talk to you then, bye."

He put the phone back in its cradle as I remained attached to his back. My skirt was pulled up to display my impressive blue silk panties and the mirror I had hanging next to the doorway gave him the perfect view of my ass when he turned his head.

I slid down his tall body and quickly pulled my skirt back into proper place, knowing even my butt cheeks were blushing. I could see several heads poking over the half walls, watching the commotion on display in my square. I quickly sat down to be out of view, but Edward, gah, was still standing and Eric was most likely looking longingly at him.

"Cute dog," he said casually and reached for the picture.

"He died," I said in case E. Cullen ever ended up coming to my house. "He got hit by a car, and I threw him in the trash." Oh, my, God. My mind was not connecting with my mouth and I was trying to make sense, but I kept picturing the grey crotch slacks and wanting to climb onto the front of him as he looked into a mirror.

I finally did the only thing I could think to do. "I need to pee," I said and sprinted from my square, down the rectangular hallway and into another square with a stick figure of a body in a skirt, letting illiterate people know it was a ladies room, and finally into a much smaller square with an oblong toilet.

Oblong, I loved oblong, it was a shape refusing to be a circle and I felt right at home.


	3. Chapter 3

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 3

I could feel a bit of what a condemned man feels as he walks to the gallows. I thought I heard someone yell out, "Dead man walking," as I made my way back to my square. I refused to look anywhere except the carpet and wondered if the damn thing had ever been cleaned.

I sat down in my chair and began responding to emails as quickly as possible. I could hear Edward, gah, on the phone talking business and relaxed just a bit. I knew things changed today. He was no longer Mr. Perfect living in obscurity, and I was going to have to interact with him.

I wondered if Mr. Whitlock would let me trade places with Alice, bringing her closer to his office and hiding me deeply in the row of cubes.

The afternoon wore on without any conversation from across the way and I felt confident enough to look up times and dates at the playhouse. I printed the playbill from the date of the truck rally to show Rose and turned back to my monitor as a new email arrived. _Can I take you for a drink? I enjoy your company_.

I looked at the time on my computer and saw it was the end of the work day. I bolstered me, so if I said something embarrassing I could run home instead of just to the restroom. _If you only want to see my underwear again I can flash you in the parking lot and save you some money._

_Hum…decisions, decisions_. He responded with and this time I laughed loudly.

The buzz of people shutting off computers and putting away papers began filling the room and I looked over to see Jessica's ex facing me in his chair with a smile on his face. I shut off my computer, just turned it off, without logging out of any programs and stood.

"What?" I asked as he continued to stare.

"I'm deciding," he chuckled and I huffed at him.

"Here, I'll make it easy on ya," I said and quickly raised my skirt and dropped it again before walking toward the stairs. I didn't hear anything behind me and figured he stayed to talk to people. I had just sat in my car seat when Alice came running up to my window.

"Jasper asked me out," she squealed.

"I thought he took you to lunch?" I asked in confusion.

"Lunch doesn't count, that could just be a boss thing, and now he wants me to meet him at Barney's for drinks and dancing. You have to come, too."

"Won't it ruin your game if I tag along?" I asked, knowing I would not spend more than two minutes with her. I loved to dance and didn't mind dancing with perfect strangers, male or female. It wasn't like it was hard; bouncing to the beat of music with one hand in the air, not exactly rocket science.

"I found out at lunch Jasper's roommate is the guy across from you, he's single, so you have to come because Jasper is bringing him."

"He's almost single," I clarified. "Big difference."

"So what, it's only dancing…for you at least," she said with a high pitched giggle.

"If you sleep with the boss you have to switch departments," I informed her, but she waved her hand to dismiss me. I was going to launch into a lecture about dipping the quill in the company ink, and personal relationships during business hours, but I honestly didn't care if they screwed on her desk as she answered her phone. It wasn't my issue to deal with.

"What time?" I asked and decided to make the decision later if I would show or not.

"Nine," she said as she backed away and headed to her own car.

I headed home, which was a small two bedroom house in an older neighborhood. Rose said it made her feel good to know we were the hottest women on the block, but there was a former rockette down the street that still had her impressive gams, so I wasn't assuming anything.

I stuck a square microwave meal in to cook and plopped down in front of the television. If I was going dancing I wouldn't worry about hitting the gym, not that I particularly worried about it anyway. Exercise was like sex, you were glad you did it afterwards, but had to psyche yourself into doing it at first. Maybe sex was only that way because of the men I slept with?

Rose walked in with Emmett trailing behind her and I groaned as I grabbed the remote protectively. I tucked it under the edge of my skirt purposefully breaking the international rule of man power and ignored Emmett as he searched the room for it.

"Are you going to Barney's?" Rose asked and I wondered if the entire department was showing up.

"This isn't the party for reaching the goal is it?" I thought I should ask, since I wasn't even aware of the goal and maybe missed out on the party info, too.

"No, Alice asked me to come; she said you were coming, too."

"Are you bringing dipshit?" I asked and Emmett never looked up from his remote hunting quest.

Rose stormed from the room, telling me yes, dipshit was coming. I waited for him to make his way to the far side of the room and then quietly changed the channel to, The Hills, and removed the small battery from the remote.

I headed back to my room and heard Emmett exclaim loudly, "Yes, I found it." Again, too, too easy.

I took off my skirt and lay across my bed as I dialed my father's number. He answered right away and I smiled at the sound of his voice. He had a dad voice and a cop voice. I knew he was at work by the use of his cop voice.

"Hey, dad," I said and could picture his own smile. Being an only child had a few perks and a daddy who believed the sun rose and set just for me was one of them.

"Hi, sweetheart," he responded, now using his dad voice.

"I need a favor," I said using my spoiled princess voice. "A coworker got a couple of tickets and I want them dismissed. He helped me out with something at work and he was so professional and such a gentleman."

I knew how to play my daddy, and saying the guy was hot and I rubbed against him with my skirt hiked up as he asked his father to give me a raise, was not going to work.

"What's his name?" he asked and I knew he was writing it down.

"Um…wow, let me think, oh yeah, Edward Cullen." I tried to act oblivious so my father wouldn't think I was interested.

"An owner of the company?" he asked. Crap, didn't remember that, I really did need to write it down.

"I doubt it," I lied, "I mean he works in my department so he's not a corporate giant or heir to a throne."

"Consider it done," my precious daddy said, and I spent at least ten seconds professing his stature as the best father in the world.

I was now ready to agree to go to Barney's. I had a conversation starter for when I saw Edward, gah, and a reason to expect his total attention as gratitude, if I could find the right outfit. I spent the next hour pulling things from my closet and tossing them onto the floor. All girls knew the rule that if a garment didn't provide the required look she demanded, at the time it was demanded, said garment was punished by going into the dirty clothes hamper and beaten by the agitator in the washer.

I finally found the look I was searching for, skinny jeans, converse shoes, v-neck t-shirt low enough to show a bit of cleavage without revealing I didn't have too much to reveal, and a small hoodie to keep the rain from frizzing my hair.

Bring on the beat, I was ready to bounce.

I waited for Rose and Emtard to leave before heading out to be fashionably late. The place was full and I saw many people I knew as I tried to make my way to the bar or the dance floor. I regretted wearing my hair down when I felt the sticky heat of so many bodies packed into a small area.

I took off my hoodie and tossed it against the wall to retrieve later, hopefully barf free, and pulled my hair up off my neck. I felt someone blow air across my skin and spun around to see the serial killer making his move.

"I'm hot," I said and wanted to kick myself as his mouth formed a knowing smile. I debated whether to explain my pronouncement or own it. I decided to ignore it. "You owe me big time, Cullen."

He leaned in so I could speak directly into his ear and he could hear over the music. "I got your tickets dropped," I said and he looked up with only his eyes to question me. It made other images spring to mind, like him looking up from his knees, or looking up from my chest. I really needed him to stop looking up.

His hand, the one with the delicious fingers, wrapped around my neck and pulled my ear to his mouth. "I got you a raise," he said and his voice sounded like Oreo cookies dunked in milk making my tongue sneak out to run along my lips in search of the treat.

I stood there with the loud music vibrating my body, the cool drink I somehow ended up with in my hand, and the tight hold of a perfect man on my neck. I think I died and ended up in heaven. He nodded to the dance floor and I smiled, I think, I may have purred, but I meant to smile.

His hand moved from the spot I wanted it surgically attached and ran down the length of my arm to take my hand in his. I was so dead, he could actually show me the weapon he used as a serial killer and I would still go home with him.

He led us to the middle of the crowded floor and pulled my back against his chest, wrapping his arm around my waist and moving our bodies in perfect unison. I knew he could most likely see down my shirt from his tall stature, but wasn't that the point of wearing it? I mean, he already saw my underwear, what would it hurt to show him my bra.

I let my head fall against his shoulder, my dark hair blending perfectly with his dark tee. I closed my eyes and tried to picture my hair flowing over his bare chest, but I somehow ended up on my back and my hair was flowing over his pillow.

"Bella, you came?" Alice squeaked and I almost looked down to see if I had unconsciously had an orgasm on the dance floor. Luckily, I am not quite as stupid as Emmett.

"Hi, Alice," I said and noticed the man holding her was Mr. Whitlock. He looked normal in jeans and a tee, not at all like a boss who stared freakishly. I like this version of the man. He raised his drink in acknowledgement and Edward, gah, leaned over to speak into his ear.

The movement sent his pelvis pushing into me and I tried to think of any way I could twist around to face him without drawing attention to my action. Alice winked at me and I rolled my eyes at her as if this was no big deal. A gorgeous man, with a killer body, was holding me in his arms, so what?

When he finished his conversation with the new and improved Mr. Whitlock, he came back to his original spot behind me and moved his hand cleverly under my shirt and onto my stomach. I suddenly wished I had hit the gym and worked on a couple hundred sit ups.

The music faded to a slow, let's get naked, beat and he loosened his hold, so I could turn, and then pulled me right against him again. My one hand was still holding a bottle so I couldn't hold him like I wanted. But his hands were free to do with me as he wished. I felt them run down my back and move to my hips to hold me tightly against his.

"This is great," he said into my ear. What was great, the dancing, the club, the song, the part of him rubbing against me? I wasn't sure how to respond and wanted to be rid of the damn bottle.

I saw my perfect chance when Emmett walked past me. I stuck out my hand and offered him the bottle, which he gladly accepted, since food from the garbage didn't bother him. My hand was now free to run up and down Edward's, gah, back, causing him to move his hands away from my hips and wrap around me tightly.

We were getting in trouble pretty quickly and I could feel the effect I was having on him, most likely missing the constant sex being married to a nymphomaniac would have offered him. I made myself a promise I would not go home with this guy, he wasn't officially divorced, even if he was married to my nemesis.

He suddenly loosened his hold on me and stepped back an inch. I wanted to point out I became self aware before he did, but it was a mute point when we were both still breathing shallowly.

"I'm getting a little worked up," he said with a chuckle and I wanted to point out the inappropriate use of the word little from what I could tell. Instead, I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes.

Big mistake.

He smoldered as if his body was on fire and smoke was billowing from his eyes. The heat was oppressive and I was having trouble breathing, or maybe it was the tight hold from the hot guy, either way I had to get out of there.

I turned and bolted without saying a word. I burst onto the sidewalk and took a huge gulp of cool air, instantly clearing my mind. The door opened and Edward, gah, walked out and looked at me with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just couldn't breathe," I said feeling strong enough to look in his eyes now.

He walked over to where I was leaning against the brick wall and leaned in slowly to kiss me. I turned my head, using my newfound strength, and said, "Edward, *omitting the gah*, I don't think I should kiss you while you're still married."

"I'm not still married," he said emphatically.

"I know, but you're not divorced yet either," I said sadly.

"Okay," he said and reached in his pocket. "Give me your number so I can call you the second I sign the papers."

He pulled a small pen from his jeans; it was very thin, and very short, and it wasn't a normal straight pen, it was squiggle shaped. He held it up with embarrassment and said, "Sorry."

I threw my arms around his neck, and jumped up to wrap my legs around his waist, as I plunged my tongue into his mouth. He had a squiggle shaped pen and I would drag him to my bed because of it.


	4. Chapter 4

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 4

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 4

I had regrets in my short twenty-two years. I regretted introducing Jessica to Jake, I regretted the perm my freshman year of high school, I regretted the tequila I took from my dad's liquor cabinet, and I was now going to regret bringing a not yet divorced man home with me.

I mentally made my case for the fight over my eternal soul. I would tell God how strong I was until Edward, gah, pulled out the squiggle pen; an omnipotent maker would surely know I had a weakness for squiggles.

I opened the door to the dark house and took one step inside when he pushed me to the wall and kissed me fervently. His body was pushing into mine and aside from the squiggle pen he had something else I had a growing weakness for. I bent my knee to get enough traction from the wall to push him back, so I could pull him to my room.

My apologetic wardrobe was still lying on the floor awaiting punishment and we simply walked over them on our way to the bed. We tumbled together onto the blanket and he rolled onto me, pushing my shirt over my head and expertly unclasping my bra. Hum…didn't know Jessica ever wore one, maybe he had prior expertise.

We were now skin to skin and our kissing kicked up a notch which I never thought possible. I wondered what happened to his shirt and exactly when it left his body, but the feeling of his hot flesh on mine sent my mind into hyper drive.

"Say it now, if you're going to say it?" he gasped and began removing my jeans.

"Say what?" I asked, wondering if he expected a code word or something.

"No, if you're going to say no, say it now," he said as his hands kept moving.

"Are you kidding?" I panted, "You have a squiggle pen."

He stopped moving, why in the world would he decide to stop moving? I moved for him, reaching down to unbutton his jeans and pushing them down his hips. His back up battery must have kicked in because he came to life again and started kicking his jeans off of his legs as I did the same. They joined the naughty clothes on the floor, but would receive gratitude, not punishment when washed on the gentle cycle.

He moaned very, very loudly when we finally connected. I heard my own version of the hallelujah choir, and the exploding fireworks, when my brain screamed, _He owns a squiggle pen. _

I wasn't sure what was going on between us, it wasn't love, it wasn't pent up need, cause by purity rings as we courted, but it was something. We were not loving each other tenderly; we were forming our own definition that wasn't usual or fit within a box. We were squiggles and the thought sent me crashing over the edge as I screamed out with total abandon.

He pounded on the wall over my head and let out a string of words his father would banish him back to the basement if he heard. Edward, ah, was a freaking love machine and I began laughing at the amazing performance he just gave.

He came back to reality and looked at me with huge worried eyes, "God, please say you're on the pill."

I laughed and whispered, "I don't think God is, but I am."

He smiled and rolled onto his side as he took huge breaths of air. "What was that?" he asked with a chuckle. I snuggled up to his side and said, "A squiggle."

"A what?" he asked.

"Nothing, you can come here anytime, Edward, ah, Cullen," I said and he kissed my head sweetly.

He finally raised his head and looked around the room he just copulated in. "You're a slob," he pointed out.

"No, I'm not," I said to defend myself. "I just haven't punished my clothes yet, they are awaiting sentencing."

He looked at my floor in confusion and let his head fall back onto the pillow, obviously not needing an explanation or wanting one. I moved over the top of him to let my hair fall onto his chest and sighed, "Just like I imagined."

His arms tightened around me and I looked up with just my eyes and smiled at him. He took a breath, hissing it through his teeth and I knew he was picturing the same things I had when he looked up at me in the same manner.

I sat back onto my knees, his legs straddling me and looked at his body. I let my finger run up the soft line of hair to his bellybutton and noticed how long his torso was. He moved his arms to bring them folded behind his head and watched me look at him.

His hip bones were protruding from his prone position and leaned over to kiss each one. His eyes closed and goose bumps sent a shiver down his body. I moved slowly back even with his mouth and ran my tongue softly over his lips.

"You taste so good," I whispered and his hands automatically moved from behind his head and into my cascading hair to keep it away from my face. I kissed my way to his neck and sucked gently on his skin until he moaned causing me to suck a lot harder.

His body was reacting and ready for round two at an impressively fast rate. I placed my hands on his chest pinning him to the bed as I took control. He was so beautiful as his muscles strained and his abs tightened with each thrust of his body. I reached back and pulled his knees into the crook of my arms and raised his legs. His eyes shot open, feeling exposed for a man and worried I would do something unnatural to him.

When he saw I only wanted leverage for my own movements he relaxed and went along for the ride, and I was extremely appreciative. He could speed through Forks anytime he wanted after the stamina he showed.

I was almost asleep in his arms when he whispered in the darkness, "I better go."

My hands tightened, knowing the next day was Saturday and we wouldn't have to go from my bed to our cubicles with guilty faces. "You can stay," I offered.

He didn't relax and I forced my eyes open to see what was wrong. I was looking forward to morning sex, the best sex of the day, and he wanted to leave. I looked at him and he wouldn't meet my gaze. He said he met Jessica in church and maybe he was planning on running off to repent.

"You want to leave?" I asked and tried not to use a fatal attraction, boil your rabbit, tone.

"Bella," he said softly as he held my face in his hands, "Jess is trying to make things as difficult as possible; I don't want to give her a reason to prolong things."

"Ah man," I groaned and pulled away from him. "You used the J word out loud in my bed, now I have to burn my sheets."

"I'm sorry," he said with a pained voice and sat up to find his lucky clothes among the penitent.

I grabbed a less offensive shirt off the floor and pulled it on after returning my panties to the rightful place on my body. He stood to pull up his boxers and I leaned over to kiss his hairy leg before standing myself. He put on his jeans and then pulled me to his chest. "You are very odd," he said, making me smile and held up the tiny pen as a reward.

I took it eagerly before kissing him as only a squiggle would, without any form or definition. He found his shirt and shoes and took my hand so I could walk him to his car. I didn't worry about my attire; I was rocking the tee with the panties.

He leaned against the vehicle and held me as he smiled wildly. "I find you adorable," he said.

"You're just saying that because I got your tickets disposed of," I accused him and he kissed the tip of my nose.

"No, I'm saying it because you showed me your ass at work," he teased and I was happy for the darkness which was hiding my blush.

"I don't mind, I just screwed you for a pen," I said with a shrug and he laughed a bit too loudly for the late hour. He took the pen from my hand and turned my wrist up and wrote his phone number on my arm. I couldn't read what else he wrote in the darkness, but I took back the pen and did the same with his arm.

I wrote my number first and then, **You're welcome in my bed anytime**. **You have great toes**. I gave him one last kiss and stood in my driveway, clad in only panties and a tee, as I watched him drive down the street. I went back inside the house and walked into my room to dispose of the sheet which had to hear the J word.

I glanced down at my arm and read; **You're going to have my children someday**. Edward, ah, Cullen wrote that on my arm, the arm I now had to keep free from sweat, water, rain, or drool. I wanted to rush to a tattoo shop and have it immortalized forever in permanent ink. I did the only thing I could think of to prove I wasn't dreaming, I grabbed my camera and took a picture.

I remade my bed and put the pen under my square pillow to fall asleep and dream about the amazing man who just left. I slept hard, my dad called it lumberjack sleep, but it was actually totally relaxed from orgasm sleep. A loud noise woke me and the sun was sneaking through the curtains. I looked out to see Emmett climbing up a ladder onto the roof. This could not be good.

I threw on a robe and headed into the kitchen to find Rose. "What's up with King Kong?" I asked.

"The remote isn't working, so he's checking the dish," she said with a shake of her head. I retrieved the battery and placed it back in the device to announce the remote was indeed working.

"Oh good, he fixed it," she said and ran outside to tell him. I wondered if our ladder would hold him and smiled at the possibility it wouldn't.

I put two pop tarts in the toaster and poured a glass of diet Pepsi to counter the calories and took my breakfast back to my room. I pulled my laptop onto the bed and chewed the fruity goodness of my meal as I waited for it to boot up.

I didn't have anything important to do; I just wanted to check my Facebook and the local news. And of course the ever important Google search of Edward, ah. The first thing that came up was a bio of the Cullen family. I had never seen Carlisle and he was much younger than I expected. His wife, Esme, looked a bit like Edward, ah, but they were both too squareish.

I read about his graduation from college and his preparation to take over the company. I looked at a couple of pictures of him wearing dress slacks and sighed as I ran my finger down the image of his zipper. His hair was all different lengths and I wondered if he was searching for a style or going with whatever mood happened to strike him. He was a square with real squiggle potential.

I pulled up my Facebook page and had a friend request from none other than Jessica Stanley Cullen, soon to be just Stanley. I guess I don't have to worry about her sleeping with my boyfriend, since he was actually her husband. I would love to see the expression on her face when she realized who I was seeing. I would put a big picture of us together on Facebook and wait for her comment on my wall, to which I would reply_, suck it, loser_.

I accepted her request and opened her page to see if she had aged well or possibly gained enormous amounts of weight. What I saw left me speechless and gasping for air. She had posted a large picture of me and Edward, ah, together. It was my job and she stole it. We were standing in my driveway with messy hair and my body plastered onto his. He was holding onto my butt with both hands as we kissed and I was wearing only my panties and tee.

It was taken last night, she was following him and taking pictures, and they were plastered all over her Facebook page. I grabbed my phone and held up my arm to look at the number. I wanted to warn Edward, ah, or at least commiserate our mutual disgust together. A voice I didn't recognize answered, it was deep and official sounding, like a butler named Jeeves or Malcolm.

"May I speak with Edward," I asked and mentally added the, ah.

"Is this Ms. Swann?" the voice asked me.

"Only one N," I corrected.

"Excuse me?" the voice asked.

"You said Ms. Swann, like it had two N's but it is Swan, one N, so say it faster," I explained.

The line was totally silent so I finally offered a compromise, "You can call me, Bella."

"Fine, Bella. Please refrain from calling this number ever again. Mr. Cullen will not be taking your calls."

I felt like a bucket of ice had been dumped over my head. He told me I would have his babies, and he gave me a squiggle pen, now it was over, like the lines of a square connecting to box me out. He didn't even give me the news himself; he let some self important git break up with me for him.

Edward, gah, Cullen was not only going to pay his speeding tickets, but a warrant was going to be put out for his arrest. I dialed my daddy's number and let the tears flow freely.


	5. Chapter 5

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 5

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 5

Time was like a squiggle, it moved quickly, and then slowed dreadfully, constantly changing with my mood. I was anxious for Monday morning, so I could confront the heir to the Cullen Corporation, the hemorrhoid on the ass of the company I gave my life to. Well, not actually my life, but my sanity. I slaved inside that damn cubicle for almost a year now. Maybe not slaved, but I showed up.

I was in a dreadful mood all weekend, and it almost cost Emmett his life when I threatened to castrate him. I realize castration doesn't necessarily lead to death, but it was hitting Emmett where he lived, so it was in essence a death.

My floor was covered in clothes awaiting punishment as I struggled to find the perfect thing to wear. It had to say I was good in bed, and he would never experience it again. It also had to say I didn't need him and some ugly, frigid woman could have his babies. And the final requirement had to be something that said, if it was all a misunderstanding I forgive him and wanted to do him in the car at lunch.

I was a walking example why you should never have sex with a coworker, especially one who married the whore from your small town, and worked in the cubicle next to you, and owned the company you worked for.

I got to work early on Monday, and sat low in my chair as people filed in to their assigned half wall dungeons. When Eric arrived I hurried over to his wall and handed him the squiggle pen. "Edward, gah, said to give this to you."

"Edward Cullen?" he asked as his eyes lit up.

"Is that the guy who sits next to me?" I asked innocently.

"Yes," he said in a reverent whisper.

"Yeah, him. He gave it to me Friday and asked me to give it to you, but I forgot, sorry." I walked away and heard Eric squee like a fan girl.

It was mean, I know, but he dumped me via his butler, so let him worry about being on display every time he used a urinal. I got right to work and tried to remain too busy to know if Edward, gah, arrived or not. Jasper walked to our aisle and said loudly, "You're late, Edward."

I looked over in surprise to see him standing in his cubicle. "Sorry," he muttered and glanced at me.

"Better hope I'm not late," I said to torment him, "Sorry won't fix it."

He smirked at me and I shrugged, "just saying." I knew it wasn't right to threaten a man with the possibility of pregnancy but he _DUMPED _me.

He had just settled into his day when his phone rang. He answered just like he always did, but his tone suddenly changed. He was saying, yes sir, and, no sir, like he was talking to a school principal or a cop…._Oh my God._

Why did Facebook let parents join, it was a safe place for college students to fight it out, drink it out, and screw it out. Now it was a national tattle tale service. I wondered if I could tell my dad the photos were doctored. Yeah, he knew about photoshop, he just didn't know how to use it. I could say I was at an all-girls sleepover and we were outside to throw water balloons at a fraternity.

My phone rang and I jumped. I looked at it in fear and glanced over to see Edward, gah, busy at his computer. I picked up the line, "Hello."

"Bella?" A familiar voice asked.

"Hi daddy," I said trying to sound like a virgin or at least like it had been more than seventy-two hours since a man rocked my world…twice.

"Isabella Marie Swan," he screamed and I held the phone from my ear. I heard Edward, gah, chuckle and I wanted to treat him like Emmett. I tucked the phone against my head and ducked under the desk as my father screamed at me continuously. I guess I should have added more to the story when I asked for the tickets to reissued.

Apparently I was acting cheap, like I was raised in a brothel, as if I had no self-respect, and what would my future husband think. I realized at that moment I couldn't use the squiggle pen excuse at the judgment bar in heaven. I would work that out later and concentrate on the father screaming at me this very moment. I did the only thing I knew to do, I began to cry.

I moved completely under the desk and sat against the metal cubicle and cried. I would never act cheap again, and I would represent Forks as my home and not a brothel. I would develop self-respect and hope my future husband would forgive me. My apology made my father begin apologizing profusely and when he finally hung up I remained under the desk and cried into my knees.

A pair of brown loafers walked into my square and the tan pants bent at the knees to let someone look at me. I lifted my head and Edward, gah, held out his hand for mine. I took it and he led me into Jasper's empty office. The door shut and he pulled me into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Ithotwehadsompinspecial," I sobbed against his shirt.

He pushed me away and I only cried louder, so he pulled me back to his chest. He stood still and waited for me to get over my meltdown, gently kissing my head and rocking us back and forth. Edward, ah, was so sweet. A knock sounded and Jasper stuck his head in the door as I wiped my nose on my arm.

"You're father is looking for you," he said with a sympathetic look at Edward, ah.

"Perfect," he groaned. The door shut and Edward, ah, wiped my tears with his fingers and going nowhere near my runny nose.

"Am I going to be fired?" I asked.

"No, my parents are very…open minded," he said to comfort me, but they didn't look open minded in the pictures I saw, they looked snooty and pompous.

"Why did you have Mr. Belvidere break up with me?"" I asked as more tears formed.

"Who?" He asked, and looked at me to see if I was moving into hysterics again.

"Your butler or whoever the lurch was who told me not to call you again."

"Oh God," he muttered and I suddenly became very curious to know who I had talked to Saturday. "Jessica came over with her father, I took her into another room to talk, and he must have answered my phone."

"Mr. Stanley?" I gasped. "Mr. Fat Ass, dumb as shit, Stanley?"

"I know him as George," Edward, ah, said with a grin.

Well, this changed things, it was a horse of a different color, it was a conundrum wrapped in a riddle. I was not sitting still for this, and I was not standing for it either. Mr. Stanley didn't intimidate me, he raised a vapid, immoral, boyfriend stealing whore.

Edward, ah, left to meet with his father and I went back to my desk to come up with my devilish plan. Eric ran up to my cube, "What's going on?" he gasped.

Great, now I had to fight a very stylish, good looking, gay guy for the father of my future children, and it was all my own doing.

"Edward's, ah, ex wife is making his life miserable," I admitted truthfully.

"Oh, he made that tragic mistake?" Eric asked as he placed his hand affectionately over his heart.

"Tragic," I agreed with my own heartwarming gesture.

We gave each other the mandatory head tilt and the accompanying sigh before Eric went back to his square. I picked up the frame containing my sisters and begged them for a great plan. I needed something epic, something worthy of my squiggle status.

A loud alarm sounded and several girls screamed. Mr. Whitlock returned to his freaky staring and announced we reached our goal. What effing goal? A committee was going to be put together to plan the department party. Who partied by committee? We were all relatively intelligent adults, sans Emmitt, and could easily party without a committee.

Jasper asked for volunteers and I moved my hands under my butt in case something mistakenly caused them to rise. Alice jumped up and raised both hands with Eric quickly following suit. A few other names were called off and I knew a clipboard would begin circulating with the option of bringing chips or cupcakes. I would sign up for both and bring neither, maybe a platter of lemon slices and a jar of anchovies.

I returned to my, Jessica Stanley must die, planning and closed my eyes as my sisters fed me ideas. I was interrupted yet again, by a ringing phone. It was probably my mother, taking back all the apologizing done by my father, and insisting I sew a scarlet letter to all of my clothing.

"Hello, repentant lady of ill repute, the exorcism is scheduled for seven, all are welcome," I answered.

There was soft laughter coming from the other end of the phone and a smooth voice said, "I'm sorry, I was trying to reach Bella Swan at the Cullen Corporation."

"Yeah, well, get in line. She's reached for often."

"If you happen to see her, ask her to report to Carlisle Cullen's office as soon as possible," he chuckled.

My heart stopped. My ass shut tightly. My mouth went bone dry.

"I think she died," I said and hoped he bought it.

I heard Edward, ah, get on the line and say with amusement, "I'll be right down to carry her body up here."

I hung up the phone and ripped the stupid horoscopes from the carpeted wall. I didn't expect specifics, but they could have at least warned me the day was going to suck majorly. I looked down at my clothes and tried to determine what they said. I decided I needed an expert's interpretation so I headed to Eric's square. He was engaged in the first committee meeting, but my need was bigger.

I pulled him from his cube down to mine and stood back and asked, "What does my outfit say?"

He looked me up and down and moved his hand to his chin, not a good sign. He walked around me slowly as he hummed. If he wasn't gay I would kick him in the balls for making me feel belittled and like a slab of meat. But I knew it was how his kind analyzed, so I waited patiently.

"I read secure, a bit of the finger, but mostly, what you see is what you get," he said with a smile.

"Get, no, nobody gets anything," I said with a panic.

He grabbed the band of my pants and pulled them up to rest higher on my waist. Next, he tucked in my blouse and pulled the cardigan together and buttoned a few buttons. He then pulled my hair into a messy bun and secured it with a rubber band from my desk.

"Now you say, I work my ass off, but nobody ever gets my ass, because I have library books to return.

"You're amazing," I said and we both turned to see Edward, ah, coming down the walkway.

Eric giggled and stuck out his chest, which really pissed me off because that was the move I was going to use. I was trapped with the librarian look and no way to work it, so I pulled rank and took hold of Edward's, ah, arm and left Eric alone to drool.

I headed for the stairs and Edward, ah, pulled me to the elevator. "No, I can't," I said, but he smiled and pulled me inside yet another square. His lips connected to mine and I forgot all about the moving square. I had random thoughts about what socks he wore, and if he used a pacifier as a baby. I really hoped he had a jumper attached to a doorframe, so he could bounce up and down as a toddler. I had no idea why it seemed so important, but my heart would ache if he didn't have one.

The door began to open and Edward, ah, took my hand possessively and led me to a huge, gorgeous office. The wall with a large glass window was curved, it was curved, as in not straight, and my eyes grew wet. His walls went all the way to the ceiling and his desk sat right in front of the curved window. Carlisle Cullen was the luckiest man alive.

"Miss Swan, this is our legal counsel, Mr. Marcus," Carlisle said and I had the overwhelming desire to lose bladder control. I had no idea why I needed to be meeting with company lawyers, unless the fact Edward, ah, wrote on my arm constituted a binding agreement. I was good with it.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked.

"I'm afraid we have a bit of a problem. Jessica is demanding a portion of the company and plans to sue Edward for adultery," the legal eagle announced.

I laughed, but nobody joined me. No, seriously it was funny; Jessica suing anyone for adultery was downright hysterical.

"Of course, she doesn't have a legal leg to stand on, but it will generate publicity and drag out the divorce."

I wanted to stamp my foot and demand my arm be made into a legal document. Edward, ah, wanted me to have his babies and he gave me a squiggle pen, which I passed on to a gay guy with a burning crush, but the point was he had one so he was mine.

"What do you need from me?" I asked and feared they would ask me to turn into a square, so I looked at the curved wall for emotional support.

"We need you to stay away from Edward," Carlisle said bluntly.

Yeah, right. I saw Edward, ah, wink at me and I knew it was _NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN_. We would ride up and down the elevator all day if we had to. And suddenly, without any warning my wonderful, beautiful sisters sent me a foolproof plan. I knew exactly how to catch Jessica at her own game.

I needed bait, and I knew the one person she would never be able to pass up, Jake, barf. I had a call to make, and a picture to post on Facebook.


	6. Chapter 6

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 6

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 6

I took one last glance at the curved wall and headed back to my cube. I had a screen full of emails to answer and worked diligently for two hours. I hadn't realized Edward, ah, had returned until I heard him talking to a client.

I sent a quick email to him. _The sound of your voice does crazy things to my body._

His voice grew much louder as he talked about versions, and updates, making me laugh. I got an email from him saying_, I paid much more attention to your left breast, let me make it up to your right one._

I scooted back in my chair and waited for him to look over before lifting my blouse and cardigan to flash him. He got even, by putting his fingertip to his mouth and bringing his tongue out to touch it lightly. I wondered if I was able to produce a tear or two if Jasper would let us use his office again.

A face peered over my cube and I jumped at the sight of Lauren's huge, buggy eyes looking at me. She didn't speak but handed me the inevitable clipboard. We were having the most cliché party possible, a luau. I could choose to bring a plate of fruit, or cookies. I signed my name to both lists and walked over to pass the clipboard to Edward, ah.

"What's this?" he asked.

"We reached the goal, so a pu pu platter is in order."

"Grass skirts and coconut bras?" he asked with a hopeful voice.

"If it's what you want to wear, go for it?"

"What are you wearing?" he asked and looked up at me with just his eyes, damn him.

"A muumuu, of course," I teased and he frowned. I reached out and kicked his foot and then whispered, "What are you doing for lunch?"

"You," he said with a smile.

My right breast bounced up and down with joy and my mouth was suddenly overrun by saliva. I looked down at my pants and wished I had worn a skirt. As much as they said what I needed them to say, my pants would be punished for not being able to morph into a skirt. Eric walked by, doing so much more walking than he ever did in the past, and smiled at Edward, ah. My poor man was clueless and smiled back and added, "How are you, Eric?"

When a man has a crush on another man, and the crush asks how the man is doing, this is what he hears: "Eric, I want you so badly and if you are willing to keep it quiet I will show you my power tool."

Eric set his elbows on the carpeted wall, and let his hands hang into Edward's, ah, space, as he leaned on one leg to show his ability to use his hips seductively. I hate it when gays have better moves than I do, and a higher voice. "Are you coming to the party?" Eric asked with a breathy voice I envied.

"I think I have to, it is being held on Bainbridge Island at my parent's home."

"Wait, it isn't here?" I asked, as if I didn't just hear where it was going to be held, damn that Emmett for causing me to turn stupid.

"Bella," Eric said as he rolled his eyes at me, "Don't you listen to anything?"

I had an epiphany…I never listened to anything. Man, high school would have been much more doable if I had listened, I may have even gone to college. But, surely it was an inherited problem, squiggles don't listen, and forcing myself to do it would be the same as trying to be a square. My entire body shuddered at the thought. I heard laughter and looked over to see Edward, ah, and Eric laughing together, damn it, I should have listened to what they were saying.

"I'm going back to work," I said and walked back into my tiny cube.

"I better go down to my cubicle," Eric said and I caught the sexual reference but Edward, ah, didn't. He married Stanley, so he obviously didn't understand any sexual innuendo.

I got an email from Edward, ah. _I got the feeling Eric was flirting with me, am I wrong?_ Well, well, the guy was not as clueless as I thought.

Another email came and this time from Eric. _I think he likes me, do you?_

I answered Edward, ah, first. _He would be a much better choice than J._

Next, I tackled Eric. _He gave you a squiggle pen, of course he likes you._

To an outsider it would look like I was being mean to both Edward, ah, and Eric, but I was looking at a much larger picture, which was not in a square frame. I could see it now, I would be dressed in a power suit, name brand, from a shop that only sold suits, and sitting on the stand in a packed courtroom as Perry Mason grilled me about Edward, ah. I would let my head fall into my hands as I sobbed loudly causing Perry to walk up to me and yell, "You were in a relationship with the married Mr. Cullen weren't you?"

"No," I would yell back. "He used me as a cover, he loved…" I would stand here for effect, "He loved _HIM_." I would point at a sheepish Eric, who would be wearing a matching shirt to Edward's, ah, and he would stand and dramatically yell, "Yes, yes, I love him and he loves me."

"Bella," I heard Edward say in a loud irritated whisper. I looked over and he glared at me. "What is wrong with you, do you need a hearing aid or something?"

"I was working," I said back, I just left out the fact my work was planning the big twist for Edward's, ah, trial.

"I can't go to lunch, I have to meet with my father," he said and my right boob dropped from depression.

"Give me your tie and I'll DO lunch by myself," I said to torment him and hope he would tell Daddy he would catch him later.

He looked down at his tie in confusion and I realized Edward, ah, would probably end up in bed with Eric before he realized what he had committed to. My poor, dumb man…not dumb in the way Emmett is dumb, but dumb in an adorable, stuck in a square, kind of dumb.

"Where are you from?" he asked, still speaking in a whisper. He thought perhaps I was a foreigner and that was the reason he didn't understand me half the time. His inference didn't bother me, I got bewildered stares a lot; the world just didn't understand squiggles.

"My mother's egg and my father's sperm," I whispered back to him and he sat up and laughed.

"Big drug users, were they?" he teased and I laughed.

I watched as he gathered up his things, telling me he probably wouldn't be back for the rest of the day. He bent over to pretend to tie his shoe, so the other cube occupants couldn't see him, and he blew me a kiss. I smiled and licked my hand and blew it toward him. He moaned and shook his head, causing Eric to stand up and look for where the sound came from.

Edward, ah, walked down the aisle and I stuck my head out to watch, so did Eric, and so did a married woman named Susan…the bitch.

I was stuck eating lunch with either Alice, who would talk about Mr. Whitlock the entire time, or Rose and the scholarly Emmett. I sighed and joined the squares for the daily shuffle to the cafeteria. I stared hatefully at the lemon squares, the brownie squares, and the always present Jello squares, until I reached the entrée, Spaghetti, soul food for the squiggles of the world. I giggled with delight as the server put a big glob on a plate and handed it to me.

After grabbing a bag of ruffles, with ridges of course, I paid and headed to an empty table. I would let others decide who I ate with today, I was too happy with my food of uncontained shapes. A chair pulled out and I looked up, not with just my eyes, but with my entire head, to see Emmett. I glanced around for Rose and didn't see her, so my palms began to sweat. There was no way I was going to eat with just Emmett.

"Why are you sitting?" I said as I raised my hand to stop him.

"I need to talk to you, about Rose," he said sadly.

"Where is she?" I asked as my heartbeat began to race.

"She's not coming," he said and I realized he didn't have any food. The human trash compactor wasn't eating so I knew something big was going on. I looked at my plate of squiggles and wanted to cry. He was going to ruin it by whatever it was he needed to talk about. Then it dawned on me that it was Emmett I was talking about. I could eat and talk at the same time in front of him, so I took a big bite.

"Did you hear me?" he said.

"I'wm nowt goo at listnin," I said with a mouthful of spaghetti.

"I said, Rose might be pregnant," he repeated and let his cheek rest in the palm of his hand.

"And, she's leaving you for the father?" I smirked.

"It isn't funny, Belly."

"What's the big deal, get married, or live together," I suggested.

"I asked her father once; he told me when hell freezes over."

I chuckled and suddenly had much more respect for Mr. Hale. He was a driven S.O.B. who valued material things, and felt Rose's only marketable quality was her beauty. But, he shot down Emmett so he shot up in my book.

"So how did the big blunder happen?" I asked him.

"Rose isn't very dedicated to talking her pills. I think she knew it was the only way we could be together and did it on purpose."

My eyes bugged out. Rose purposely wanted to be with Emmett? For life? Like, everyday? Then I realized he used the word, dedicated, and was most likely having a headache now.

"Look, you two are adults; Rose is a mature, intelligent…." I wondered if he realized I only said Rose here "… modern woman. If she wants to be with you, it is her choice, not her fathers."

"But look at me, Bella," Hum…he called me Bella, nice. "I work in a warehouse; I can't take care of a wife and kid."

"There is nothing wrong with working in a warehouse, Emmett. People get too worked up over stuff, and most stuff is crap. Rose was raised with a lot of stuff, and she wants you. I admire her for it."

"When I was in the military I …."

"Hold up," I yelled. "You were in the military?"

"Shit Belly, don't you ever listen?"

I really needed to start listening; a slew of G.I. Joe jokes had been missed due to my lack of attention. Now I understood his macho, Rambo, tendencies so much better. The fact our nations safety rested in Emmett's hands scared me senseless, but the guy answered the call to duty, so I had to give him props.

"What did you do in the military?" I asked.

"I was an M.P. I want to be a cop, but most cities are budget strapped and nobody is hiring."

"Dude, you only need a string pulled, and I am the holder of all loose ends," I said as if he was stupid for missing the connections I had, because man, was he stupid for missing the connections I had.

"Are you talking about tampons?" he asked with a furrowed brow.

"Yes, Emmett, I am. May I talk to my father, who happens to be the Chief of Police, about removing your tampon?"

"You mean a job?" he asked as his eyes lit up and he sat up straight. "You would do that?"

"It would get you three hours from my house, of course I would do that," I laughed.

Alice walked up with a tray of bird food and Emmett left with a huge smile on his face. I went back to my spaghetti induced bliss as she pecked at her grains and berries. "I heard the party is at the Cullens," I said to prove I had listened to something.

"Yeah, should be fun," she said softly.

I watched her for a moment and wondered who put tranquilizers in her seeds. She sighed for dramatic effect and I finally took the bait. "Something wrong, Tinkerbell?"

"Jasper hasn't called. I shouldn't have slept with him so quickly. He doesn't respect me now."

It really ticked me off, I mean, Alice was amazing and he would be lucky to have her to stare at freakishly for the rest of his life. I remember Edward, ah, saying Jasper did everything properly, so maybe it wasn't proper to call until a certain amount of time passed.

"Has he talked to you at work?" I asked.

"I've caught him looking at me, but he hasn't said anything beyond official work stuff."

"Well, he is the boss, and I'm sure he wants to keep it on the D.L. What did he say when you left his bed?"

She giggled in the high pitched way she had and said, "We never actually made it to the bed."

"Where did you actually make it to?" I pushed.

"Don't tell Edward," she said as she leaned forward and I added the mental, ah. "But we did it on the kitchen table."

Gross, no cool, no wait, gross, definitely gross. They copulated in front of the dishes and then expected people to eat there, like bodily fluids and pubic hairs belonged in the kitchen. "No wonder he hasn't called," I mumbled and her eyes filled with tears. "I didn't mean it; I was just grossed out by the sperm all over the salt and pepper shakers."

"I wouldn't care if he didn't want to see me again; I just want him to tell me. Why won't men ever tell us what they are thinking?"

I wondered if they did tell me and I just didn't listen. I tried to think back to a time I wondered what a man was thinking and couldn't think of one, maybe because I asked them bluntly. "Alice," I said as if I knew all the answers, "Men are not that deep, if you want to know what they are thinking all you have to do is ask."

"But what if he lies?"

"Of course he'll lie; it is in their genetic makeup. But it is the lie he tells that is so telling, understand?"

She reached over and grabbed my hand, my eating hand, which had been sitting idle instead of eating. "Bella, will you ask him, please. You are so much better with men and I'm just too emotionally invested."

I pulled my hand away from her and picked up my fork. I didn't mind her asking me to ask Jasper, but she didn't have to lie about it. I wasn't better with men, hell, I was ready to find a picture of a man to sit next to my dog and my sisters when Edward, ah, finally spoke to me.

"I'll do it and let you know."


	7. Chapter 7

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 7

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 7

The afternoon was so slow and monotonous without Edward, ah. I was sad, but Eric was ready to cry, and Susan comforted herself by eating loud, crunchy pretzels. Did she not realize our half walls did not contain the sound of her munching?

Mr. Whitlock began his rounds of staring with his hands behind his back like a Nazi guard. When he got to the front of my cube I stopped him. "Hey, how did it go Friday night?"

"Meaning?" he asked.

"Seriously, you don't know what I mean?" I said with a disbelieving tone.

"Good," he answered.

"Is today your one word day? Is that why you aren't elaborating?"

He took a deep breath and finally bent his neck, which I was positive contained a metal rod, to talk softly to me. "Did she say anything to you about the date?" he asked and I could tell he was worried about the table subject.

"She told me she is really sad you haven't called. Why haven't you called?" If Alice was too chicken to ask, I wasn't. He needed to be called to the carpet and explain why he hasn't called, wait, that's too many calls, and he actually hasn't called at all, so I needed to stop using the word call. Damn it, did he answer and I missed it?

"What?" I asked and hoped I didn't ask before he used his one word.

He nodded to his office and I jumped from my chair and followed him inside. This was going to be big, and most likely juicy, ooh, there's the spot Edward, ah, stood to console me. I want to stand there, but it will put me uncomfortably close to Jasper and his eyes will cross as he stares at me. I took small, inching steps to the sacred spot and Jasper backed up appropriately.

Okay, I was ready to listen now, Alice, date, table, no call, I was up to speed.

"I really like Alice, but I'm not sure I could take her home to meet my family. I'm from the south and they don't take too kindly to northern girls."

I stared at him, freakishly.

"I know it sounds archaic, but I'm from an old aristocratic family. They are very set in their ways."

My eyes wandered to the calendar he had hanging on the wall. Yep, still 2010, I didn't fall into a wormhole and exit into the middle of the civil war. My mind was pushing his words away with all the force it could, so I had to clarify, "You can't call Alice because of the state she was born in?"

"It is deeper than that, it is about her family connections and her genealogy, believe me they would make her life hell if I brought her into mine."

"So you found out after the table humping?" I asked and watched his face fall with shame. Oh, my, God, he knew before and still had sex with her, letting her believe her northern ass was acceptable. He was the worst kind of square, he would relax into a circle, only to pop right back into a square and pretend he had no idea what a circle was.

"I really don't care about your asstrobatic family, or what southern battlefield you hail from, Alice is a great girl and if your Kentucky Fried Chicken family does anything to make her feel…less then great, I'll don a blue uniform and shoot musket balls up your ass. Grow up, Jasper, and call the girl."

I turned and stormed from his office, as any self respecting girl from the north would do. I stood in the middle of my cube and tried to understand what was going on today. I couldn't have Edward, ah, because a whore who cheated on him was suing him for adultery. Rose couldn't have Emmett because he didn't have enough stuff, when there were so many other valid reasons to deny him. Alice didn't have dead relatives who fought for the South, so she was only good for a romp on the kitchen table.

No wonder I never listened, life was screwed up, and the majority of people were sad and lonely inside their squares. I had to do something to change their shapes forever. I grabbed my phone and dialed a number I hadn't used in years.

"S'up?" he answered and I groaned at his attempt to be sixteen again.

"Jake, barf, it's Bella." Wait for it…wait for it…

"What the hell do you want?" Bingo! He didn't disappoint. He cheats on me and then gets mad that I don't want to be with him anymore. He was so, so, male.

"Remember Jessica, the skank, Stanley? You know, the one you screwed while professing to love me?"

"It's been years, you still pulling that lame excuse around?"

"It is securely hooked to my proverbial wagon," I stated proudly. "I need your help in getting even."

"You want to get even for her sleeping with me?" he asked and I laughed quite loudly. Did I want to get even for her sleeping with Jake, barf? Hum…did I? No, I was pretty sure it was for Edward, ah.

"If we do this right, you'll get to sleep with her again," I offered, knowing it wasn't really something unattainable. A simple text could get Jessica spread eagle on her back.

"I'm assuming you'll want pictures or a video," he said and I liked how he thought.

"With sound would be worth extra," I bargained.

"Text me her number and I'll see what I can do," he said with a sigh. I wasn't buying it for a moment. I knew he was already getting hard at the thought of scoring with Seattle's leading scorer.

Next, I headed to the cube holding all of tiny Alice's hopes and dreams. She looked up sadly and I tried to give her a hopeful smile. "Alice, what nationality are you?"

"Brandon's came from England, originally it was Brandun, why?"

Wow, England didn't recognize the south during the war, not a good sign. "When they immigrated to America where did they settle?"

"Boston, I'm actually related to William T. Sherman, the famous officer from the civil war."

And there was the nail in the coffin of her relationship. She might as well come to work draped in a northern flag. The south was not going to rise for her again on a table or any other inappropriate place.

"Let's go for a drink after work, okay?" I asked and she nodded with sad puppy dog eyes.

I picked up my phone and called my father, who hopefully was over his disgust with his panty wearing daughter. "Hi daddy," I said and tried to sound heartbroken.

"I'm sorry about this morning," he apologized again.

"No, you were right, I need to consider my actions before letting my emotions rule me." That sounded mature and thought provoking, I think. In all honesty Edward, ah, was so hot I could consider my actions for hours upon hours and still jump him.

"I should have been softer in our conversation," he said and I faked a sniffle.

I got to the purpose of my call in case my acting was substandard. "I know an ex military man who worked as an M.P. He wants to be a civilian cop but doesn't have any connections. Do you know of anything?"

"Is he willing to move?"

I thought of Mr. Hale and said, "He prefers it."

"Give me his contact information," my perfect father said, always dependable in a clutch. Now I had to figure out a way to make Emmett appear like less of an imbecile. I had two plans in action and had to depend on others to get the results. Alice and Jasper were going to required thinking outside the box, and I was just the girl for the job.

I buckled down at my computer and worked hard for the rest of the afternoon. The walk to the employee parking lot was always a bit slower on Mondays. I made my way with the crowd of depressed square people and kept a look out for Alice. She was tiny and easily missed among the regular squares. I finally found her; constantly look over her shoulder for Jasper.

"Meet me at the restaurant on the corner," I called over to her and she nodded sadly.

I watched her as we walked to our table and it was enough to break your heart. She was in love, an abolitionist, but Jasper's redneck roots wouldn't give her a chance. We ordered drinks before I told her the bad news. "Jasper really likes you Alice, but his family is really old school and they want him to find a girl from the south."

"The south of what?" she asked innocently.

"The Mason/Dixon line," I said and couldn't believe it as it came out of my own mouth.

She stared at me with her big brown eyes, not buggy eyes like Lauren has, but big innocent eyes. They soon began to narrow as her jaw tightened and a vein in her forehead pulsed. "Is he kidding?" she seethed.

"Afraid not," I said and watched the heat rise up her neck.

"My father went to Harvard and my mother went to Brown, but I'm trash?" she yelled.

"Did anyone in the family go to LSU?" I was hopeful I had found a new angle.

"Where's that?" she asked. Nope, no angles.

"If Jasper Whitlock thinks he is better than me because I don't wear cut off's up to my ass and have brothers who drive around in a car named after a losing general as they check their moonshine, he can kiss my ass."

See, here is where square people confuse me. It should only matter to Jasper and Alice what they think of each other, and if there happens to be something sketchy in the details, than simply change them. Alice would look great in an antebellum gown, sitting on a porch, sipping tea, as she waited for her 'lahver' to come home. Or even better, make her a voodoo priestess in the swamps of Louisiana, she could threaten to hex his family with shriveled balls if they refused to accept her.

"Bella, did you hear me?"

_Shit, focus Bella._

"I'm sorry, go ahead," I told her and leaned forward to concentrate.

"I said, are you sure he isn't just using his family as an excuse?"

"You don't have at it on a table if you don't like the girl. Tables are strictly for people who are totally into each other," I explained, but left out the fact it had to be two totally disgusting people, she didn't need to hear that.

"If you were me, what would you do?" she asked and I didn't take enough time to think before I spoke.

"I would buy him another table before he asks to make you dinner," I said with a shudder. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened as she huffed loudly at me. I hurried and added the actual pertinent part of my advice to keep her from crying. "I think you should tell him you are not worried about the judgments of his family and he shouldn't either. If they ask, say you are from Miami, and you have a cousin covered in hair who lives in the swamps."

"I don't have an accent," she said as if it would be an issue.

"You are from Miami; they will expect a Cuban accent."

"You think we should lie?" she asked.

"Did you tell Edward, ah, you guys had sex where he eats? Yeah, lie."

"I don't know, Jasper seems very… particular."

"He screwed you on a freaking table, Alice, he is not that particular!" I yelled and a family in the corner turned to look at us, probably afraid I was talking about their table. "You can pine over him or take action, what kind of woman are you?"

"Action," she said and squared her shoulders, because she was happy being a square person.

I raised my glass and she tapped it in solidarity. We were modern women who knew what we wanted and how to get it, by lying through our teeth.

"So, did you and Edward connect?" she asked.

I nodded and held up two fingers.

"Really," she giggled, "Way to go Edward."

"Of course it was in a plain old bed, so we went for numbers over creativity," I said to defend my manly man.

"So are you a couple now?"

"No, we're a triple," I sighed. "Me, him, and his wife."

"Ex wife," she clarified and I really hoped she would be standing next to me in death as I defend my life.

"She has pictures and wants a judge to know he didn't wait for the final signatures, as if her open for business sign during their marriage was legit."

"Is he worried," Alice asked with her own worried eyes.

"No, but daddy is. She wants part of the company, so I'm ordered to stay away. We'll lie of course," I announced.

"Of course," Alice said with a smile and held up her glass for me to tap. We asked the young man who brought our drinks if we could order now and he said he would get our waitress, who just clocked in, to come right over.

You would think Edward, ah, would have told me some vital information about the one who must not be named, like where she worked perhaps. Many things could be avoided just by having actual conversations that didn't consist of pounding on walls and stringing dirty words into full sentences. We were going to have to try that.

But it was too late to worry about it, as Jessica was tying her apron, and walking toward my table.


	8. Chapter 8

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 8

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 8

Jessica Stanley, the girl who showed up on the beach where my boyfriend was having a bon fire and relieved him of the burden of his virginity, and then relieved most of his friends, too. She was the girl who wore thongs in the second grade and needed a bra in third. She actually showed up at the talent show with a Mountain Dew bottle and shocked the audience by demonstrating how she could put the entire thing in her mouth. And damn it, the guy I was hot for married her.

She stopped at our table, still not looking at us, since we weren't male, and pulled out her pencil to take our order. I sat with my arms folded on the table and smiled at her, waiting for recognition. "May I help you?" she asked, pencil at the ready.

"You must say that a lot," I replied and she finally looked at me. Her face changed emotions about six different times before she found the one she wanted. I waited patiently, because you can't blame a whore for struggling to make up her mind. I mean, imagine all the positions she has to choose from daily.

"Bella," she said hatefully, and as if I didn't know who I was.

"Jessica?" I asked, sounding shocked. "I didn't recognize you…upright." I could tell by the look in her eyes she thought she had me on the ropes. Her ace in the hole was the fact Edward, ah, was her husband and she really, really wanted me to be shocked by it.

"Did you see my Facebook?" she asked with a smirk.

"I tried, but there was the usual traffic jam, you weren't showing off your tits again, were you?" I had to admit they were looking extra perky, a possible lift or maybe she began wearing bras again. The wear and tear alone would have them to her knees by now.

"You're one to talk, are you wearing pants?" she said and glanced at my legs.

"Tell you what, I have a hundred dollar bill that is all yours, if you can prove you are wearing underwear," I challenged her. Her eyes flashed quickly and she remained quiet. "I knew it," I laughed and draped my arms over the back of the booth.

"I'm warning you to stay away from my husband," she said angrily.

"That is so old news, you can have him, but I am warning you," I said and suddenly got very serious. "Jake," I forced myself to leave out the, barf, and added a mental, barf barf, "and I are trying to make it work this time, you better stay far, far away. If you lay a single diseased finger on him, I'll hurt you this time."

She smiled and I could see the wheels turning in her head, well, she actually only had two wheels, one to spread her legs and one to open her mouth. She already had Jake, barf, oiled up and going down. I felt a bit dirty, like I was finding men for her to do. I had become Jessica Stanley's pimp and there wasn't soap strong enough to clean away that stink.

"Can we order?" Alice asked to interrupt the posturing. We both looked at her in stunned silence. If she wasn't so dang tiny I would have smacked her. I wasn't eating anything Jessica, seeping sores, Stanley got within ten feet of, and she wouldn't offer me service unless something sprouted between my legs.

I scooted out of the booth and said, "Come on, we'll go somewhere that the health department doesn't have on speed dial."

Alice ran to catch up with me and she grabbed my arm as we headed to our cars. "That was so intense. I thought you guys were going to fight or something. Was that Edward's ex?"

"Yes," I sighed, "That was his brain fart in the flesh."

"Did you know she worked here?" Alice asked and something suddenly dawned on me…Jess was at work…so she wouldn't be anywhere with a camera….Edward, ah, was home and I should be there with him, or on him.

"Alice, take me to Jasper's house, I need to see Edward, ah. You can see Jasper if you want, and I suggest you do."

She hesitated and bit her lip as she tried to make a decision. I had no idea why it took her so long, I mean, she was tiny, how big could her brain be? I walked away and hoped it would prod her along. She finally got into her car and I pulled out of the parking lot behind her.

She pulled into an underground parking garage and I felt so sorry for my man, he lived in a square, a tall square in the sky, covered with square windows. Alice got out of her car and looked incredibly nervous. I put my arm around her and told her I would handle it and she could just stand there and look pretty.

We walked to an elevator and I froze. "What floor are they on?" I asked in a panic.

"Second," she said to my relief, grateful she wouldn't have to kiss me as we rose into the sky. I led her to the stairs and we marched up them loudly as our shoes echoed off the walls. I wished my mother would have signed me up for tap dancing lessons instead of baton twirling. I could tap my way to the floor, but no, I have a scar where the baton rubber tip came off and I hit myself in the head. I never got good enough for the fire baton, probably a good thing.

I knocked on the door Alice pointed at and she took a step behind me. When the door opened I stepped to the side to reveal Alice, as if I brought her as a gift. "Guess what, Jasper?" I said with a huge smile. "Alice is related to Kate Gordon of New Orleans, you know, the woman who started the ERA. God, can you imagine the family shame, who wouldn't keep it quiet. Is Edward, ah, here?"

Jasper looked at Alice and I was grateful a table wasn't standing in the doorway, because he was pretty much having her with his freaky eyes. Alice smiled and kept quiet, such a quick learner. I walked into the apartment and left them to their eye sex, as I looked for the King of body thrusting.

I walked down the hallway and stopped at an open door to see Edward, ah, sitting in a chair at a desk writing furiously. He was wearing a pair of gym shorts and an old, torn tee. His hairy legs were stretched out and his perfect toes were tapping in the air.

I watched him and imagined he was writing me a poem or the details of the first time we made love. His lips were puckered just a bit as he concentrated on his words. He was beautiful sitting; I bet Jessica never appreciated him sitting.

He dropped the pen, shook his hand to relieve the tension, and let his head fall back to run his fingers through his hair. He was art in motion. His eye caught something from the corner of his vision and he turned to see me standing against the door frame.

"You're beautiful," I said with a whispered voice full of appreciation and emotion.

"Are you a mirage?" he asked softly.

"Are you stuck in a desert, dying of thirst?" And if his answer was yes, I would most certainly be his mirage.

"I'm stuck in this apartment, missing you beyond belief," he said and stood from the chair to come toward me.

"Silly, Edward, ah, I'm right here."

"I need you right here," he said and pulled me against his body as his lips came to mine. He smelled like sweat and tasted salty, and his hair was a bit damp, obviously coming from the gym. I didn't mind, he was a man, naturally beautiful, and he didn't need to be anything else for me.

I was still totally pissed at my non morphing pants, but Edward, ah, didn't seem to mind. He kept kissing me as he pulled me into the room and kicked the door closed. We both grunted and groaned as we continued kissing as we removed our clothing.

I didn't see a bed when I was watching him, but sex on his desk was not the same as sex on a kitchen table. He had a different idea and sat back in his chair bringing me with him. He pulled a lever and it reclined back. He pushed a lever and it slowly lowered until my feet were resting comfortably on the floor as I straddled him. I loved this chair.

I arched into him as he made good on his promise to apologize to my breast. I lay back on his lap as he bent over and kissed my torso, while finding my most sensitive spot with his hand. I could feel him in my back and brought my hands around to hold him, moving aggressively until he fell back into the chair and yelled an expletive loudly. Oh yeah, Jessica worked at the restaurant on the corner, we were going to have to talk about that. But wait, what was he doing…oh God…he better never stop.

"Edward, ah," I panted as I tried to stay conscious. "Edward, AH," I said loudly. "EDWARD, AH, FU…" I screamed until I lost all vocal ability. I sat up and collapsed onto him, causing the chair to tip backward and hit the floor, sending me toppling forward and landing precariously on his face.

There was no way to make the move sexy, purposeful, or even oddly fortuitous. I just whacked my boyfriend in the face with my crotch. For all I knew I just killed him, how would a coroner explain it in his report. _Death by labia to the temple_. Then a worse scenario hit me, what if I didn't kill him, I was going to have to look at him, and talk to him, with the imprint of my vagina on his face. I wanted him to crush my skull with his penis; it would only be fair after all.

"Did you hear me?" he asked.

God, Bella, get off his face, I screamed in my head. I rolled to the side and grabbed my clothes, which would be burned for what they had witnessed.

"Are you okay?" he asked and I really hated Alice in Wonderland. She should have shared that damn shrinking juice. I continued to pull clothing onto my body and he reached out to stop me when I pulled both of my legs into the one side of his boxers.

"Hey, look at me," he said with a laugh.

I buried my face in his boxers I had in my hands, until he pried them lose and said, "Um…I wore those to the gym."

"Good," I yelled, "We're even." I would happily cover myself in his ass sweat, after what I just did to him.

"We're going to have to practice that move," he said with a chuckle and I didn't like him teasing me about something so humiliating. Edward, gah, didn't seem embarrassed, of course not; it was my lack of coordination that caused the whole chair incident.

I returned to a slower attempt at dressing and he stood and held out his hand for mine, "Let's take a shower." I'm sure he meant it innocently, but my mind heard him say, "I have to get the smell of your womanly essence the hell off my face."

"Edward, gah," I said without looking at him, "Please, just let me go home."

This time he pulled me to my feet and had to grab me by the hair to raise my head. I kept my eyes closed and he kissed me, passionately, aggressively, thoroughly, until my traitorous arms wrapped around his waist and squeezed.

He backed up and took my hand to lead me through a side door and into a bathroom. A door on the other end of the room opened into his bedroom, so at least we didn't have to run through the apartment with our hands over our unmentionables. He turned on the spray and I removed my skewed blouse and stepped in behind him.

I expected him to grab the soap and scrub his face harshly, but he pulled me under the shower head and returned to our kissing. I ran my hands over his wet body and trailed kisses over his shoulders which had lost their salty taste.

"Bella, I don't want you to be embarrassed. You're always safe with me and it really wasn't that bad, the chair tipped, big deal," he said to make it seem like nothing.

He held my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him, to see there still wasn't a vagina mark on his face. I looked in his eyes and felt my body relax, and even swoon a bit. Water was dripping down his nose and on to his lips where his tongue darted out and pushed it away.

We were having a moment, wet, staring into each other's eyes, and he took advantage of it and said very softly, "I'm falling in love with you Bella Swan."

There were fifty seven responses that would have worked, I know, because I listed them. I heard what he said, I was listening, really I was. A gorgeous, sexy man, who wasn't a serial killer, was standing naked in my arms professing his love for me, Susan would kill to be in my shoes and Eric would kill to be on Edward's face. But, I'm not a square, I'm a squiggle and the world doesn't work the same for me as it does for others.

I opened my mouth, which should have contained the words, "I already fell in love with you, Edward, ah, Cullen." It would have been perfect. But other words came out.

"Jasper and Alice had sex on your kitchen table."


	9. Chapter 9

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 9

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 9

I blame Emmett; the abundance of his stupidity had spilled from his massive body and crawled surreptitiously into my head as I slept. I wanted to leave, but it is difficult when you have to dry off, dress, tie shoes, find keys, ignore couple on table, and finally run.

Edward, (can't remember what he was at the moment so going with duh), tried to cover. He grabbed the shampoo and began cleaning his body, most likely wanting to scrub his mouth for saying something so revealing to the stupid, naked girl in his shower.

I hummed a song, my high school fight song, which I wouldn't be caught dead humming in high school, but right now it was very soothing and filled the silence. "I'll be in my room," Edward, duh, said and climbed from the shower.

I used his absence to clean my personal places, just in case I happened to fall down the stairs, ripping my pants and underwear from my body and landing spread eagle on the mailman. I wanted him thinking, Irish spring, not, Penicillin.

I dried off, put my poor abused clothing back on, noting what a long day it had been, and told Edward, duh, I had to go check on Rose. I looked at the floor as I walked in case Jasper was setting the table with Alice as the serving tray.

I walked down the stairs and not once wanted to know how to tap. I was driving home when my phone rang; surely it was Edward, duh, taking back his shower words. I answered and felt a whole other revulsion.

"B, it's Jake," he said. How offensive was that? I didn't even warrant a full name, or both initials. Wow, I just realized my initials are B.S., technically I.S. but to casual acquaintances I am B.S. I can't be responsible for my responses in a shower if I was the initial equivalent to bull shit. Oh crap, Jake, barf.

"What's up, Jake, barf?"

"I got a call from Stanley, is she under the impression we're back together?"

"Yes, play along and she'll pretty much do whatever you ask." What a redundant statement I just made. I think the name Jessica means, anyone at anytime, in Greek.

"And what do I need to get her to say?" he asked. Jake, barf, was the perfect partner in crime. He always thought ahead and I was just sure he only thought with his penis.

"Get her to admit to cheating during her marriage, it should be easy, like her," I chuckled at my own cleverness.

"You'll be hearing from me," he said and hung up without waiting for me to say bye. I'm sure he did other things without waiting for the woman, too.

I pulled into my driveway and walked quickly into the house, wanting out of my non morphing pants as quickly as possible. I changed into some flannel shorts and a big tee that made me feel small, like a little girl wearing my daddy's shirt.

I found Rose watching television and sat down next to her. She glanced at me and scooted further away. I raised my arm and took a whiff, before giving her an offended tisk.

"Don't talk to me," she said in anger.

Fine, I wouldn't talk. I leaned closer and held up my middle finger until she acknowledged me.

"I'm so angry at you, Belly."

"And here I thought I would be the Godmother," I said and crossed my arms to show my own anger.

"I'm not pregnant, Emmett is just so stupid," she said with tears.

"No argument here," I mumbled. I'm pretty sure the name Emmett means brain dead in Greek.

"Why would you help him get hired in Forks? I don't want him to be a police officer, it's dangerous," she yelled at me.

"Dangerous in Forks, oh please. The only crimes are the fights that erupt outside of Jessica's house when she visits; men hate to stand in line."

"He'll be so far away," she pointed out and I had to think of dead baby kittens to keep from smiling.

"Rose, he'll have a career and be able to take care of a family. I bet your father won't be so adamant to get rid of him." I was speaking the truth, but my motivation was the so far away part.

I left her sitting on the couch smiling and went to bed. I dreamed of Eric, like me and Eric together, intimately. My pillow would now have to be burned. I was too disturbed to eat breakfast so I stopped for a cup of coffee before heading into work.

It was getting more difficult by the day to face Edward, duh. By the end of the week I would most likely ask to transfer to another department, I wonder what department I worked in now, I should try to find that out.

I walked down the aisle and saw Edward, duh, was already at his desk. Then I saw Eric and raised my hand next to my face to stop my eyes from seeing what I saw in my dream. And then that damn Susan was standing in her cube and looking right at the man who was falling in love with me.

I stopped and stared over her half wall. "What are you looking at Sues?"

Her eyes darted around and she gave a weird sound that I think was a chuckle. I reached into her cube and picked up a very thick rubber band. Let's see her stick her head out to watch my mans ass now.

I finally made it to my cube and had the awkward moment of what to do first, should I turn on my computer and then go talk to Edward, duh, or make him the priority. Would it make up for the lack of pronouncement of my love, or would it be only drawing more attention to it.

"Did you hear me?" he said loudly.

"Why do I do that?" I whined loudly, and realized it was coming out of my mouth and not only said in my head.

"Do what?" he asked.

"I think it's because I was an only child and I'm used to having conversations with myself," I said believing I figured it all out.

Edward, duh, looked over at my cube and said, "I thought you had two sisters?"

Again, plenty of responses I could have used, all rolling around in my head, and I go for, "Eric thinks you like him." His head turned to see Eric's eyes poking over the wall and he swallowed as his hands moved protectively in front of his crotch. His phone rang and I made my get-a-way.

I was actually being quite productive when I got an email from across the aisle. _I want to take you on a date, dinner, movie, an actual date._

What did he mean? Was he really saying he wanted to make sure my vagina couldn't be used as a weapon and there was no danger of talking from his heart? Or did he want to take me out in public and act like a real couple?

I hit reply and typed_: You know when you open a birthday present and it is the exact thing you want? You didn't ask for it, because it didn't occur to you, but it is just so perfect and your birthday would have been ruined without it. You're my perfect present. _

I hit send and a moment later he stood and came across the aisle, into my cube, bending onto his knees and held my face in his hands. "You are so weird, so beautiful, you make me laugh and you do things to my body I've never experienced before. I have no idea what you mean most of the time, but I never want to be without you again. You're my perfect present."

"I don't really have sisters," I blurted out.

"Shut up, Bella," he said and kissed me. I hoped Eric wasn't watching and Susan was. When he pulled away and walked back to his cube I whimpered and my hand reached out to follow him. Until I heard someone clear their throat and I looked up to see Alice's God staring down at me.

"What?" I asked and wondered if he had been talking and I missed it.

"I just want to say, thanks," he said softly.

"Sure about that, I mean, I'm from the north?"

"I'll look past it," he said with a sly smile and I suddenly didn't find his eyes so freaky."But Bella, keep your personal life off company time." He went right on back to freaky boss.

I worked diligently until I saw Edward, hooyah, stand and take a paper to the fax machine. I grabbed the rubber band and stuck my head out to see Eric and Susan do the same. I pulled back on the band and shot her expertly right in the back of the head. She cried out and look behind her to see nothing but the empty aisle.

As my perfect present headed back to his cube Eric stepped out to block his path. "This is for you," Eric said and handed him a neon rainbow pen.

"Wow, cool," Edward, hooyah, said with a really weird voice I hadn't heard him use before. "Um…thanks, Eric."

Of course Eric heard, "Wow, cool, I want to do you in the bathroom." And Susan heard, "Wow, cool, I want to do you and Susan in the bathroom."

When lunch came it was the first time we would be in the lunch room at the same time after hooking up. It was fraught with symbolism and subconscious declarations. Should we sit at a table alone together or find a crowded table and try to blend in? He usually sat with Jasper, who would never sit with us peons. And then there was scary Emmett to consider.

"Bella, over here," Alice called out. She was sitting next to Jasper at a middle table. He came down a bit and she moved up a bit, but it didn't stop the flashing arrow from forming over their heads. I walked over with my tray and sat next to Alice as Edward, hooyah, sat next to Jasper. It was all so junior high.

When Rose saw me she came over with a confused look on her face and stood, not quite sure what to do. Emmett rushed right over and grabbed a carrot stick off my plate, and it hadn't been in the garbage so it made me mad. "Stop eating my food you Neanderthal."

"I meet with your dad this weekend," he announced and the table got quiet.

"Don't mention a WORD about me, understand, Shrek?" I warned him and knew it was a lost cause.

"What's Chief Swan like?" Edward, now back to gah for asking, asked.

Rose laughed and I pushed her tray away from me so she would have to move her chair. "Belly is four years old in his mind," Rose said to bug me. "She never has sex and spends her free time making rosary's for convents."

"You're wrong, he knows I have sex, I'm not Catholic, and I stopped being four when I moved to Seattle."

"So why do I need to be quiet about dragging this guy to your bed?" Emmett asked and pointed at Edward, gah.

"We talked about work stuff," I said loudly in case anyone was listening.

Emmett pounded on the table and said, "So fucking wet, Take my cock…"

I grabbed my carrots and threw them at him as my face turned scarlet. I couldn't look at…you know who…I was dying of humiliation and prayed, you know who, didn't bring up the chair incident.

"Sorry," you know who said, "She gets me hot, what can I say?"

Ah, he said sorry and then said I get him hot. I looked over at him with just my eyes and he smiled and put his feet on top of mine. I glanced at the clock and noticed he did the same, wondering if there was enough time to run to the car. I looked at my pants and this pair didn't morph either, damn, I was running out of clothes.

"The party Friday night is going to be so much fun," Alice said as she looked at Jasper. "We have hula dancers coming."

Still not a fan of the cliché luau, and the hula dancers would have to be cumming to make it interesting. I don't speak hand language and I really don't want my perfect present looking at girls wiggling their hips, I'll have enough trouble keeping Eric from doing it.

"Don't let Bella bring food," Rose demanded and I gasped in pretend offense.

"Did you sign up for fruit or cookies?" Alice asked.

"You have to be more specific," Rose demanded. "Assign her a specific fruit and don't even mention cookies."

"I swear I will bring a fruit and cookies, man Rose, take a pill," I said to make a super deep dig at her. Emmett looked away and Rose grabbed her tray and walked off.

"She's defensive of fruit," Edward, ah, said and we all laughed.

We headed back to work, since the boss was with us and when we stepped into the stairwell Edward, ah, pushed me against the wall and let his entire body lean into mine. I attached my hands firmly to his firm ass as he attached his firmly to both of my firm breasts.

The door opened and we broke apart just a second too late, looking up to see Carlisle Cullen staring angrily at us. I wonder which one of us will have to go.


	10. Chapter 10

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 10

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 10

You know that look parents get when they are so disappointed, not that an action was out of character, but they hoped they wouldn't have to witness it? Carlisle had that look, and so did the lawyer, and the secretary, and some other middle aged man who was trailing after them. I wanted to point out that at least we were clothed and I was not sitting on his son's face, but this time I thought before speaking.

Nobody was saying anything, and I know because I was listening this time. If only I could tap dance! I took a step up…very slowly…and it broke the trance we had somehow induced. Carlisle looked directly at Edward, ah, and said, "Son," good sign, he was still claiming him, "Come with me."

The adults, who were able to refrain from fondling each other, marched up the stairs loudly without any rhythm as I kept my head lowered in shame. I should have asked Jessica how she handled getting caught groping, surely she could teach a class on it.

"Shit," Edward, ah, said under his breath, and I hoped his father didn't hear and order the secretary to wash his mouth out with soap, because come on; he's had a lot worse things in his mouth. He finally looked at me and said, "Go back to work; I'll let you know what happens."

"Should I come with you?" I asked, only to show I was sensitive to his pain, not to actually go with him. He hesitated and I was about to give Eric his home address and tell him Edward, ah, wanted him waiting in bed. Did he seriously expect me to face his daddy with hand prints on my tits?

"No, I'll handle this," he finally said and I sighed at what an amazing guy I had.

"Okay, bye," I said and ran up to the third floor as he took each step methodically.

I rushed to my cube before Jasper began his Gestapo rounds and got right to work. It was two hours later when someone walked into Edward's, ah, cube. I looked up, expecting to see Mr. Wonderful, but some freak with long blonde hair was unloading a box of personal items.

"Hey," I protested too loudly and jumped up to stop whatever was going on from going on. "That cube is taken."

"Yeah, by me," he said with a voice that sounded nothing like Oreo cookies dipped in milk. Eric rushed forward to aid me in the prevention of this asswipe from setting up shop. Susan began moving forward too, but I turned and held up a rubber band, so she ran back to her own square.

"Edward, ah, sits here," I said and Eric nodded emphatically.

"No, junior is working with the developers now and I've been promoted to ordering." Edward, ah, worked on ordering? And the company has developers? I wonder if we have a tag line under the company name that would give me a hint at what we do.

"Hello?" he said and snapped his fingers in front of my face, like I was a dog, like Sami, I wish Sami was still alive, she was such a good fake dog when I shared dog stories with the dog lovers in the cafeteria. Oh, yeah, the interloper, I need to focus.

"What?" I asked and tried to sound threatening.

"My name is James, and you are?"

"Not a friend of James," I said and walked back to my stupid square. Eric lingered so I stood and shot him with the rubber band in my hand. God, he gave Edward, ah, a neon rainbow pen and then just forgets about him when the next dangler moves in. He shamefully returned to his cube.

Jasper finally arrived, no wonder the south lost, the battle was over before he showed up for the fight. "Anything you need?" he asked the guy with long hair. I don't remember Jasper asking anyone else if they needed anything, why was Goldilocks so special?

I pouted the rest of the afternoon and refused to look to my left. Carlisle Cullen didn't deserve his curved wall, he was a prude, and his son who was…well, I don't know how old he is, but certainly an adult, should be able to kiss a woman and touch a boob whenever he felt like it. I didn't see what the big deal was, since Jessica had been the man's daughter-in-law.

When the day ended and I was just about to turn off my computer I got an email from Edward, ah_. I've been transferred to another department and staying at my folk's house, my father calls it a short leash, and I miss you already. Come to the party Friday and I'll show you my baseball card collection and grade school pictures._

It was Tuesday evening and I wouldn't see him for three days. Surely his father planned to have him surrounded by bodyguards and alarms attached to valuable body parts. I sadly hit reply. _Everything is wrong, someone is in your cube and he looks all wrong, sounds all wrong, has the files in the wrong place, and I want to stick thumb tacks in his eyes. Why do you have to work with the developers?_

I waited for a reply as the room began to empty. It finally came. _I was going to be moving on soon anyway, and Bella, stay away from James, the guy is really creepy. I'll make it up to you on Friday, I promise. Walk slowly to your car, my window faces the employee lot._

I smiled and turned off my computer after printing a picture and headed to the parking lot. Most of the cars were gone and I held the picture of a very bodacious bare butt over mine and walked very slowly to my car. I went by the gym and worked out but my heart wasn't really in it. When I got home Emmett was there, as always.

"Belly, can you come to Forks with me on Saturday, introduce me to your dad and show me around?"

Gross, people would see us together and think we were a couple and not to mention the drive there, he would probably expect me to speak. But if I said no, he would tell my father about Edward's, ah, wall pounding dialog. This was a tough one…talk to Emmett for three hours, or, be disowned by parents…decisions, decisions.

"Is Rose coming?" I asked and knew I could talk to her without actually conversing with Skunk ape.

"She's thinking about it. I don't think she's too psyched by the idea of living in Forks."

I stared stupidly at him, why would Rosalie live in Forks? I was banishing the Incredulous Hulk to Forks, not her. She would live with me forever here in this house with the rounded doorways, and we would remain the hottest chicks on the block…surely the former Rockette will pass away soon.

Emmett saw my confusion and explained…which was downright pathetic to have Emmett have to explain something to me. "If I get this job, were going to get married."

"But, but, she hasn't come to her senses yet," I cried. I was anxiously waiting for the day she kicked his monster ass to the curb. I planned a parade, with fireworks and everything. I even had my sash ready to wear on my squiggly float.

"She's pregnant, Belly, and I'm not walking away from my responsibly."

She would never come to her senses now. She was propagating the species and adding Emmett's DNA into the genetic pool where it would spread and create other muscle bound cretins. Rosalie drank the Kool-Aid and became a little leaguer, destined to remain separate from us advanced humans. Today was the worst day of my life.

I had hopes for Wednesday, it couldn't get worse, but I was prepared in case it did. Eric looked me up and down as I walked through the aisle and followed me to my cube. "Who died?" he asked.

I glanced at my picture frames and refused to kill off a sister, so I shrugged like I didn't know he was referring to my clothing. I had on a black dress, black tights, and black boots. James smiled and nodded to us as he entered Edward's, ah, cubicle and I felt like warning him to watch his step; I was dressed for a funeral and his would be as good as any.

"Bella, its August, why are you dressed in black?" Eric asked.

He had on a green shirt, the color of Edward's, ah, eyes. I wasn't sure if it was in remembrance or in hope of finding another green eyed beauty. I looked over at James and saw he had blue eyes. I would now officially hate the color blue. Poor, destined to be loathed, Susan walked in wearing a blue blouse. "Really," I screamed at her, "You're really going to come in here wearing that?" She looked down and headed quickly back to her car.

"Are you on the rag?" James asked, and the entire department buzzing with before work socializing got instantly quiet. Eric covered his mouth but his gasp was still audible. I was so relieved to know my attire would not go to waste, seems I would be attending a funeral after all. I grabbed my letter opener and looked at it as I wondered why I had a letter opener. I only opened emails so why was my desk stocked with a letter opener?

Oh yeah, to kill misogynist cube stealer's, that's why. Eric jumped out of my way because, well, he was more of a lover than a fighter. But General Lee showed up early this time and grabbed me by my waist and pulled me to his office as I kicked and screamed about removing James' semen repositories. I actually wasn't so formal; I threatened to cut off his balls.

"What is wrong with you?" Jasper yelled as he slammed his door. "You used to be one of my best workers, now you act like a crazy person."

Wait, I was one of his best workers? But I didn't know what I did or who I worked for. I emailed people having problems and told them which fix to download. It was all in a folder and even told me how to word my response. Oh…Hey… fix, versions, updates, developers…Software, we made software. Wow, I worked for a software company and we reached our goal. Now I just need to figure out what our goal was. I was feeling pretty darn grown up at the moment.

"Are you going to answer me?"

Moment over. Okay, answer, so he asked me a question, think Bella think….oh yeah, "Nothing's wrong with me, James is a sexist idiot and I'm not going to sit by his cube if he asks about my menstruation. "

"So you solve it by trying to kill him?" he asked with his freaky eyes boring into me.

"Tit for Tat, if he talks about my tits, I'll remove his tats."

"He didn't talk about your tits," Jasper said to defend the lowest of all squares, the square squatter.

"My monthly cycle affects hormones which make my breasts sore, so asking if I was on the rag was tantamount to asking about my tits, too." I'm sure this was news to Jasper; proper southern women would never talk like this.

"Go home, Bella. Take the day off and come back tomorrow ready to work," he instructed, and I could hardly wait to tell Edward, ah, how mean his roommate was to me.

"I'm getting a new dog," I said as I pulled open the door. "A Pit-bull." When I turned to leave I took a quick stutter step at Jasper and he threw his arms up for protection. Yeah, that's right, don't screw with a pit-bull owner, we will mess you up.

I marched to my cube and grabbed my purse as James sat back in his chair with a smile on his face. God, I hated him. He brought his hands behind his head as if to totally relax, and the chair dipped back, causing his arms to fly out to steady the falling chair. "And my vagina was clear over here," I said with a smirk and walked out, leaving him to stare dumbfounded at my retreating form.

I grabbed the ass picture from my car and wrote with a red marker, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. I held it toward the windows and waited. It was less than five minutes when Edward, ah, came running out the door. I was quickly reduced to tears and when he pulled me into his arms I sobbed loudly against his shirt.

"I was the best worker and because of James my boobs get sore so I have to go home," I cried. I was using the right words, just not in the right order. But any squiggle would understand what I meant.

"Did James touch you?" Edward, ah, asked with an angry voice.

"No, Jasper was mean about the letter opener to remove his balls, so I'm getting a pit-bull," I explained further as I sobbed louder.

Edward, ah, was quiet for a moment and finally asked very softly, "So, James didn't touch you?"

"God, Edward, gah, don't you listen?" I turned to get in my car but he pulled me back into his arms.

"Don't cry, my Bella," he said and held my head gently to his chest. "I'm so sorry this is messed up. I wish I knew how to fix it, Jess can't drag this out forever."

"I'm fixing it," I told him but at this point he didn't understand anything I said. "How old are you?" I finally asked.

"Twenty-six," he answered, still holding my head.

"What's your full name?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen."

"What's your favorite shape?" I asked and held my breath as I waited for the answer.

"The Lemniscate."

Huh? I tried to run various shapes through my head and he finally stopped the Sesame Street episodes to explain. "You know the infinity symbol or a sideways eight, like this." And then he used his finger to make a large squiggle in the air and I was overcome with emotions.

I grabbed his face in my hands and looked him in the eyes as I shivered with desire for him. "I love you Edward Anthony Cullen." And I kissed him senseless.

Yeah, I started my period…Damn that James.


	11. Chapter 11

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 11

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 11

I spent the day eating chocolate, crying, fake dog picture shopping, and learning to make perfect Lemniscates. It was just what I needed. I was thrilled I told Edward, ah, I loved him. Maybe thrilled was too strong, happy was a better word. Honestly, I was pleased I told him, or okay, I was okay I told him. Oh hell, why did I tell him?

It was too soon, even though he kind of told me, but he actually said 'falling' not fallen, and he said it because I was embarrassed about popping a squat on his face. And we could never be around his family after his father caught him feeling me up at work. Oh man, my father would shoot me if he knew, and since it is most likely circulating through the entire building Emmuck would tell him.

I needed a plan, and I didn't have access to my sisters so I was all alone. I would have to drive to Forks with Emtard and tell him lies the entire way. Surely his short term memory would be better than his long term memory. Maybe by the time we crossed the city limits I would have him convinced he didn't even know me.

I was lying in bed with a heating pad for my cramps, Clearasil dots on my zits, and my swollen feet elevated when Jake, barf, called. "Yeah," I answered, too hormonal to make any effort at cleverness.

"Done," he said.

"Have you washed your hands and gargled with antiseptic, yet?" Maybe I had a bit of cleverness in me.

"What do I get?" he asked, getting right to the bargaining.

"Most likely venereal disease," I mumbled and then added, "What do you want?"

"Do you still have that old dirt bike in Charlie's garage?"

"It doesn't run."

"Yet, I can fix it and I got enough on the video to make it worth a Harley Goldwing."

"Really," I squealed, "the bike is yours, plus I'll throw in a couple hundred bucks toward getting it fixed." I was feeling generous since he would most likely need a blood transfusion to rid himself of her skank cooties.

"I'll email you the video and you can download it on a disk."

"Okay, I'll be in Forks Saturday so come get the money and the bike."

"Nice doing business with you, Bella. Call me when you need to steal another guy from Jessica."

Ooh so close, I almost thought of Jake, barf, as a friend. "Yeah, you run along and treat that dick chancre." This time I ended it before him, as it should be when things transpire between men and women. I was dying to get a look at that video tomorrow.

I showed up at work bright and early, dressed in a brightly colored summer dress with a tiny cardigan. I tap danced up the stairs to the movie, Singing in the Rain, playing in my head. Thursday was going to be a great day, and I didn't need those useless psychics to tell me.

I turned on my computer and waited for everything to come up as I looked around. "Good morning, sisters," I said and held up the picture to kiss. "Rest in Peace, Sami," I offered and gave her a kiss, too.

The computer came to life and I clicked on the email Jake, barf, sent. I pulled out my headphones, turned the volume up loud and started the porn. Wow, Jake, barf, was rockin the tight body. He wasn't the lanky teen I remembered. Oh gross, crotch-less panties, a staple for every whore. Okay, boobs look great; she must have had them done.

Shut the hell up, Jake, barf. There was no need to compare Jess and me, it isn't the size, it's the miles. Mine may be small, but they have low miles. Okay, she talking, good, good, WHAT, she offered him money to leave me…oh yeah, we're not really together.

Wow, impressive how she can talk and do that at the same time, a sign of a real pro. Speak up, Jake, barf, I can't understand you when you grunt. Oh man, ew, Jess does not have a pretty sex face. She's all pinched and her nostrils flare…oh, now, that is just downright fugly. At least Jake let her go first, wait, what was that. I backed up the image and watched again. Jessica rolled her eyes and made a face. I jumped up from my seat and threw my fist into the air as I screamed loudly, "SHE FAKED IT."

Turns out I wasn't all that early to work. Lauren's buggy eyes were peering over the wall and just about popped out of her head when she saw my screen. I pulled the headphones off and sheepishly explained. "Sorry, that's my old boyfriend, Jake, barf. He sent me a video. He looks good, don't you think?" She nodded and slowly lowered into her own square.

I proceeded to make close to twenty copies of the footage and emailed Edward, ah, asking him to meet me in the stairwell. I never got a response, so I went into Jasper's office and asked him if he knew which floor the developers were on.

"They aren't in today, they are at a retreat."

I tried to rearrange the words so they could be made into directions but nothing worked. Stupid square people. I had to get to the top floor and wondered who would be willing to kiss me when James walked by and gave me a sex offender smile. I'm not getting anywhere near that psycho, only Emmett would be that stupid.

"Hey, I need a big favor," I said to Jasper. "If I give Alice a disk to take to Mr. Marcus will you kiss her in the elevator so she doesn't have to take the stairs?"

I laughed loudly and smacked my forehead, "No, it's me you would have to kiss, not her, sorry, I'm just really happy today."

"You want me to kiss you in the elevator?" he asked with his southern sensibilities all aflutter.

"No, God Jasper, you're Edward's, ah, roommate. A little loyalty would be nice." I skipped out the door and down the aisle to Alice's square.

Susan tensed as I passed and I called out, "You look pretty today, Sues."

"Alice, I need you to take this to the top floor to Mr. Marcus and tell him it will save the company."

Her hand refused to reach for the envelope and she shook her head back and forth. "Come on, I made sure you got to keep the kitchen appliance," I said as I widened my eyes to make her understand my meaning.

"What is it?" she asked and looked at the envelope.

"A video of Edward's, ah, ex having sex."

Both of her hands rushed behind her back and she moved away from me. "No, freaking way."

I narrowed my eyes at her and whispered harshly, "You are such a northern girl." It was low, and I was insulting myself along with her. I left to find Rosalie. She looked so pale and ready to vomit at any moment, elevating the ex Rockette into hottest chick status. I left her alone.

I went back to my desk and looked up the law man on the company email. I forwarded Jake's, barf, email to him, explaining what it was and that I had hard copies if he needed them. Five minutes later my phone rang.

"Hello, Cullen Corporation," I answered with pride.

"Ms. Swan, will you come to my office, this is Carlisle Cullen."

"Um…I can't," I said softly.

"You may be excused from any pending work you have," he offered.

"What floor are you on?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"The top."

"Yeah, I know, but how high is the top?"

"Seventeenth floor," he said and I could tell he was growing irritated by my squiggle attitude.

"Fourteen floors," I sighed and looked at my high wedged heels. Asswipe was watching me closely so I put a paper clip in my mouth and spit it at him. He picked it up off the floor and put it in his mouth. I really should introduce him to J.S.

Eric was my only hope. I walked to his cube as if heading to the gallows. I wondered if gay guys kissed differently, like did they try to put their tongues up your nose or something. I leaned my chin on his wall and spoke with a locked jaw.

"You haf to con wif me in da eleator."

"Why can't you ride by yourself?" he asked and I was so happy gays were squiggles.

I held out my hand and he took it hesitantly. We stood in front of the doors and I tried to explain. "I'm afraid of elevators but if someone kisses me I don't think about it. So will you kiss me to the seventeenth floor?"

"Like on the mouth?" he asked with a scrunched nose.

"You kiss way grosser things than my mouth," I said angrily.

The door opened and he stepped in, pulling my hand with him. "There is nothing gross about a man's organ," he said and pulled me to his lips.

Muzak…slow, soft, instrumental, muzak, interrupted by the steady ding of passing floors. Eric had really long eye lashes and I could tell he tweezed his eyebrows, since I was keeping both eyes open. His back arched really far, no wonder he had such a great ass. Maybe it was formed that way from his lifestyle, or maybe it was how gays were genetically made.

The elevator stopped and we pulled apart. He wiped his mouth as if I was Jessica and I protested loudly. "Thank you, Bella. You just reaffirmed the fact I am indeed gay."

"Am I a bad kisser?" I asked.

"Were you really trying?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"You're right; I didn't give you my best stuff. You don't eat a hamburger when you're heading out for steak."

"You're the hamburger, right?" he asked with warning eyes.

"Oh totally," I laughed and moved my hand so the elevator would close again.

I walked with excitement to the curved office and the secretary who witnessed my bra examination showed me into the room. I was so happy I hadn't imagined the wall, it was glorious. It came teasingly from the straight corner and bent outward like it was talking a deep breath. I inhaled along with it.

"Ms. Swan, please have a seat," Mr. Cullen said and I quickly sat in a tall leather chair. It made weird stretching noises and I bounced up and down a couple of times as I giggled.

Mr. Marcus walked in and I turned to look at him. "Did you watch the video?"

He nodded and gave Carlisle a quick flash of his eyes. "Did you see how she faked it, man; you would think she would be an expert and getting what she needs, you know, instruct the poor dude a bit. She's just a fraud, and really not that great of an actress if you ask me, God, did you see the face she made, it would turn a guy limp if he happened to look down."

I realized I was the only one talking and I quickly shut my mouth and looked back at the breathing wall.

"May I ask where you got the video?" Mr. Marcus asked.

"Jake, barf, the guy in the video, he pretended to be my boyfriend, Jessica can't resist someone else's man. He filmed it and got her to talk."

"Do you know what she meant by getting Edward's money?" he asked.

"Um…you said she wanted some of the company, this company, which is a software company," I said as I raised my finger in the air to emphasize my point.

Both men looked at each other again and I wished they would stop talking telepathically. "The video helps doesn't it?" I asked.

"Oh yes, I just spoke with Mrs. Cullen's lega…"

"Please, don't call her that. It is an insult to the generations of Cullen women back to Eve." This time Carlisle chuckled and I felt like part of the conversation.

"Okay, Jessica's lawyer is advising her to sign the papers and courier them over today."

"Today?" I jumped up and down in the squawking chair.

"Thank you, Layton. I need to speak with Bella for a moment."

The law man stood to leave and I thought it was odd his name was Layton Marcus, it should be Marcus Layton. What could his nickname possibly be? My father would never let me go out with a boy called, Lay. How would you talk about things you did? Can you imagine telling people, "Yeah, Lay, me, and Alice…" No, his parents should have named him, David.

"Ms. Swan?" I heard, and looked over to see Carlisle giving me a perplexed stare.

Dang it all to heck, I have to learn to pay attention. "I'm sorry, did you say something?" I asked the future grandpa of my babies.

"I want to talk to you about Edward. I'm afraid he is sometimes a bit…idealistic."

"Edward, ah, is amazing," I said and used two m's in ammazing.

"He tends to…jump…into things without thinking." Hum…I thought we were talking about Edward, ah, not me. "Edward needs some time to rebound from this difficult business with Jessica and grow up a bit," he continued.

"I'm not sure you ever totally get over Jessica, she leaves a dark spot on your soul, like watching the Blair Witch Project, you just don't go camping after seeing that, you know what I mean? Hey, let's call her, The Jess Bitch Project." I pulled my hands to my mouth and began shaking as I whispered, "I'm so scared."

I looked at him to smile, but my attention was drawn to the curved wall and I inhaled deeply again. I finally turned back to Mr. Cullen and he was staring at me with his mouth open. Shit, did I miss something again?

"You may go, Ms. Swan," he said and shook his head.

"Are you going to be at the party? And what do you think about reaching the goal?" I asked slyly as I stood to leave.

"Out selling Microsoft for the first time is quite a feat. I'll be at the party to thank everyone," he said with a slight smile.

"Wow, we must really rock. This is kind of like Pixar beating Disney, but Disney was getting pretty stale and Pixar actually helped them be better. I bet Microsoft gets a lot bet…" I turned and ran from the room, swearing to learn Jasper's one word responses.

Tomorrow was the party and Edward, ah, would be a free man, it was so worth kissing a gay guy badly.


	12. Chapter 12

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 12

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 12

Having a day off really messed with my mind, I woke up at the usual work time and couldn't get back to sleep. I heard Rose throwing up and got up to check on her. I found her crying on the bathroom floor. I sat next to her and rubbed her back until she calmed enough to talk.

"You don't have to have the baby," I told her.

"I want the baby, I really do. I'm just so scared."

"Scared about having two babies?" I asked, assuming she was crying about being stuck with Emmett.

"Everything is going to change, Belly. Emmett will be a great dad," not likely, "But I'm not ready to be a mom."

"What makes you think so?" I asked in surprise.

"I'm so vain, what if my baby is ugly?" she broke into tears again.

"Honey, you just name him Emmett junior," I said to make her laugh, yeah, that's why I said it.

"Maternity clothes are hideous," she pointed out.

"Right that," I mumbled. "Juno didn't wear maternity clothes; just wear your same clothes."

"I'm not wearing Marc Jacobs with a gut," she said emphatically.

"Rose, you'll get huge, you'll have a painful, bloody birth most likely from an eleven pound baby, cursed for the rest of your life with hemorrhoids, and the second you hold that baby something in your heart is going to shift. Colors are going to be prettier, music will be clearer, and you'll know a love so deep it will be impossible to ever live without it again."

She leaned her head on my shoulder as I continued on. "I'll come see your baby, and as much as I despise Emmett, which is a lot, I'll be so jealous of you. I'll run into people and they'll say, 'How's Rose?' and I'll tell them about your beautiful baby and how lucky you are because your heart is full."

She brought her hand to her heart and smiled as tears fell from her face. "And when you call me one day and tell me I was right about Emmett, I will rent a truck and move you from his home as I circle the house in poisoned Vienna sausages he's sure to eat."

"What would I do without you, Belly," she said as she wiped her face.

"I'll always love you, Rose, and your ugly baby," I promised and kissed her head. I decided to really push my dad to hire Emmett. Rose would be happy raising her baby in Forks and Emmett would be relatively safe.

I needed something to wear to the luau and it had to say, "Welcome back to the world of dating, now remove me and toss me on the floor." I found a Sarong, but it didn't feel right, so I settled for a pair of board shorts and a lime green tank. I made it home just in time to leave and catch the ferry to the Cullens. The boat was packed with employees and I realized for the first time it wasn't just our department having the party. Dang, I wanted to believe we, the cube people, beat Microsoft by ourselves.

The house was crazy huge, I mean, crazzy with two z's. It was square, upon square, that went on, and on, but the worst part were the hedges along the front of the house…they were trimmed into the shape of perfect squares. I had to stick my arms out and wiggle them into squiggles to clear my head.

A beautiful woman stood under an archway leading to the back of the house and onto the beach. I stepped under the curved redwood and smiled up at the shape. "I'm Esme Cullen, welcome to our home," the woman said to interrupt my arch appreciation.

"Hi, where do you want our fruit and cookies?" I asked and could see so much of Edward, ah, in her face.

"I'll take them for you," she said with a kind smile, for a square.

I reached into my beach bag and pulled out a bottle of ketchup and a box of doggie cookies. "Here," I said, "Where's Edward, ah?"

She looked at her hands and her eyes got wide before she pulled it in and went back to her practiced composure. Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me harshly across the yard. "Damn it, Belly, you promised to bring fruit and cookies," Rose said angrily.

"I did," I yelled and pulled my arm from her grasp. "Tomato is a fruit, and pets deserve to enjoy the party, too."

"Do they even have pets?" she demanded to know.

I looked around the yard and pointed. "Ah ha, they have a pet."

"That is a cat, Belly."

Did cats eat doggie cookies? Maybe they did, but nobody ever offered them one. Cats may have been dying for a doggie cookie and denied just because they meowed instead of barked. Well, I was not denying any animal on the grounds of vocalization. It's a new day at the Cullen home where cats were now equal to dogs.

"Shoo, go away," Esme was saying as she clapped her hands at the cat. "Go home, get out of here."

Stupid square people.

We headed to the beach where a rousing game of volleyball was going on and I was searching the crowd for any sign of Edward, ah. I found Alice riding with Jasper on an Aqua bike, and then saw Susan standing with her husband. Okay, now I understood her obsession with Edward, ah. Her hubby looked like Ned Beatty, not Warren, Ned.

Oh gag, Emmett arrived. He quickly disposed of his shirt and let his pecs flex like Jennifer Lopez's ass. He had a football, which I think he was legally required to carry with him at all times to finish off the whole steroid look. And to prove his total stupidity, he threw it to Eric, whose hand shot out to stop it from hitting him in the face and he made a high pitched squeal.

"Cradle it into your chest," Emmett instructed.

"Toss it here," someone said behind me, holding his hand right over my head. I spun around to see James and smelled alcohol on his breath.

"I dare you," I said, planning to punch him in the balls as he jumped for the football.

"I was only kidding," he said and reached out to touch my lime green shirt. "The coast guard will be able to spot you, if something were to happen to you."

Edward, ah, was right, the guy was totally creepy and I got the chills just standing by him. I took a step back and he took a step forward. I looked at the guy in the eyes and he stared right back. "Hey Em," I called out. "Come here." James waited until Emmett got right next to me before smiling and walking away.

"What, Belly?" He asked.

"Nothing, the guy was creeping me out."

Emmett looked over at James and said, "Do you want me to shake him up a bit?"

"No, bullying doesn't go over well with Chief Swan," I told him and he nodded in understanding. He couldn't go around fighting if he was supporting a wife and child. I looked around the crowd again for Edward, ah, and headed back to the house to see if he was up there.

A band was setting up on the deck and I got excited about the possibility of dancing. I watched them warm up and glanced up at a square window just as the blinds dropped. I walked into the house and made my way up the stairs as I tried to figure out which window was directly over the deck.

I knocked softly and could hear music playing, but it didn't sound like the band, it was soft with strong vocals. I turned the knob and peeked in to see Edward, ah, lying on the bed with his hands over his eyes. I shut the door and walked to the bed, but he didn't move.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Hi," he replied without moving his hands.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Peachy," he answered.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked and my heart was beating wildly. I had so much hope for today and his behavior was dashing it quickly.

"No," he said but it was said with a breath instead of his voice. I sat on the bed next to him and put my hand on his stomach. I couldn't tell if it was my hand shaking or his stomach but something was shaking.

"Did you see the video?" I asked and wondered if the visual of his whore of a wife was too much for him.

"I didn't need to, I've see the live version."

Oh God, I wanted Jessica's head on a platter. Hurting Edward, ah, made my heart hurt. I climbed over him and snuggled up to his side. He moved his elbows out of my way but he didn't move his hands from his eyes. I rubbed my hand over his chest and listened to the music he was playing.

"I like the music, who is it?" I asked.

"Don't," he said with a tight jaw.

"Is that the singers name or the group name?"

His mouth twitched and finally formed a smile before he dropped his hands and looked at me with red eyes. "I meant don't ask," he said.

"Oh," I chuckled. "Do you have a dog?"

"Are you kidding, nobody shits unless Carlisle Cullen says they can."

I see, he was having a fight with his father. I always felt there was something weird about the man having a curved wall. "I do," I said and Edward, ah, gave me a funny look.

"You do what?"

"I shit without Carlisle Cullen saying I can."

He laughed loudly and brought his arm around me so I had a clear shot at his mouth. I pulled even closer and said, "Do you like my shirt?"

"It is very bright," he said and looked at it with a smile.

"Don't you think it would look great lying on your floor?" I said with my own smile.

"I think it would look incredible lying on my floor," he said and pulled my chin so our mouths joined together. We both moaned, missing this so much and I moved on top of his body. He ran his hands down my back and then under my very bright shirt.

The band began to play outside and his hand moved to pick up a remote and turn off his sound system. I like the music he was playing much better, but the band was fast and loud, good for a party. My shirt found its way onto the floor and his body was moving differently. I felt like he was crying through the movements of his body. A sadness was felt in his touch and it made me really worry.

"Edward, ah, I love you, I thought I loved Jake, barf, but that was just high school stuff, and the other guys were just hookups so they…."

He placed his hand over my mouth and said with a smile, "You can stop after Edward, I love you, the rest can stay in your head." He was really getting my squiggleness and I loved him even more. I took a deep breath and said, "If you can't say it yet, I don't mind."

His eyes grew wide and he looked at me lovingly for the first time today. "Bella Swan, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. If I knew you existed in the world I would have sat in my room until the day I walked into Cullen Corporation and saw you."

"You never looked over at me," I pointed out, because I was pretty sure I would have noticed someone like Edward, ah, looking at me.

"You never paid attention," he said with a smile.

"Are you totally free now?" I asked and he closed his eyes painfully, or maybe so I couldn't read something in them. "What, talk to me," I begged him as I was lying shirtless under him.

"My father wants me to stay out of a relationship for awhile, it almost cost him some money so he's not willing to forget so easily."

I realized that was what Carlisle was trying to tell me in his office yesterday. He was asking me to stay away from Edward, ah, like he was a sixteen year old he could ground.

"You're twenty-six," I pointed out.

"Twenty-six, with only a bachelor degree, a messy divorce, and a…well, then there's my music which pushes him right over the edge."

I looked over at the sound system and noticed a guitar in the corner. "Are you, Don't?" I asked in shock.

"Let's just drop it," he said with regret.

"No, let's not, you have a lot of talent Edward, ah, and if that is where your passion is, why are you working at a software company?"

"Because it is respectable," he said with disgust. Oh my God, he was being forced into a square and locked inside. He was a lemniscate and it would take a lot of distorting to make him be a square and that was how he ended up with Stanley, he was trying to mold into something he wasn't.

"Come with me to Forks tomorrow," I asked as plans were spinning in my head.

"Where your father is? He threatened to shoot me on sight," he said finally letting me in on their little conversation.

"He wouldn't kill you, just wing you," I teased, I think I was teasing.

"Edward," Carlisle called from the door and I froze in fear.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Please come down stairs and be sociable," he instructed.

"I'll be right down."

He looked back at me and I nudged him on the chin, "Come on, shit without permission and come with me to Forks."


	13. Chapter 13

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 13

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 13

We dressed quickly and I had to take my shirt off his floor, where it really did look amazing. We walked down the stairs together, holding hands proudly, since he was totally single and now working with the developers, at the software company, where I helped beat Microsoft.

Carlisle was standing just off the staircase with a drink in his hand. He sure didn't look happy for a man who was throwing a party for reaching a goal. When we passed him, Edward, ah, didn't acknowledge his father, but I looked at him with a big smile and said, "I just shit without your permission."

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. My hand was held tighter and pulled quickly from the house. The crowd was gathered around the deck, dancing and munching down on all the food. Edward, ah, grabbed a hard lemonade, and it was just so darn cute.

We stood in the middle of a group of people bouncing to the music and I raised my hand and closed my eyes as we all moved together. It was basically a group grope as our bodies bumped each other's constantly. I opened my eyes to take a drink of my beer and noticed Sues bouncing her way in our direction. I turned to protect the vital parts on my man by rubbing them myself when I noticed Eric practically molesting him from behind.

"Edward," I said softly and he opened his eyes to look at me. "I think you're having sex with Eric right now."

He spun around, which pleased Eric greatly, since he could now put his hand on Edward's, ah, neck and pull him closer. I moved myself against his back, locking him between me and Eric as I wrapped my hands around his waist and protectively cover his little Edward, sigh, with my hands.

I realized at that moment my guy was easily confused, which was probably how Jess got her claws into him. He could see Eric was holding a drink in one hand, holding his neck with another hand, and cradling his Eddie with two more hands. Even with the relaxing comfort of a hard lemonade he realized it was too many hands. So which ones were fake, the ones he could see, or the ones he could feel?

"Eric," he said with a shaky voice, "You're a great guy, but I'm not gay."

"You're not?" Eric asked with a hint of disbelief as he looked at the lemonade…hard.

"No, and I'm really uncomfortable with where your hands are."

Eric raised both hands in defeat and my poor, confused, lemonade drinking man looked down at his little guy to see who was holding him lovingly. He turned back to make sure it wasn't some other company dude he accepted a pen from. "God, I feel drunk," he said as he looked into my eyes.

"I have one more thing to point out," I said with a smile. "See the woman with the grey roots and the shorts up to her boobs?" He looked over my head and I saw his eyes quickly moving away, since Sues was most likely staring at him. "She wants you."

He chuckled uncomfortably and I leaned into his ear to speak, "Her shirt would look awful on your floor."

"Her shirt would cover my entire floor," he said and I smacked his chest.

"I should tell you Eric kissed me to the seventeenth floor because you were gone." I figured I could be honest since I had been holding his dangler for the better part of five minutes.

He shrugged and I was a bit disappointed it didn't make him jealous. "I'm sure he was imagining it was me."

I laughed and looked over at Eric's sad face. "Go give him a kiss Edward, ah, he just lost hope of having you."

"Won't kissing him bring back the hope?" he asked.

"I don't know, but it would get me hot to watch it," I laughed. Watching Jake, barf, and Jessica did nothing for me, but Eric and Edward, ah, would be a bit interesting, I'm just saying.

"I think we should end our relationship," Edward, gah, said. I didn't find it funny at all, just because I asked him to kiss a gay guy didn't mean he should threaten me. I mean, what if a meteor was hurling toward the earth and if Edward would tongue kiss Eric, the world would be saved.

"You would break up with me and refuse to save the earth?" I asked in anger.

"You're talking in your head again, Bella," he pointed out and I smiled at him for pointing out my squiggle habit and still loving me. I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist as I kissed him passionately. It was all going really well, a pounding beat, a hot guy who only wanted to kiss me, and a crowd bumping us as we grinded into each other. But, all good things must come to an end, and this end was in the shape of a grumpy company owner.

"Son," he called out and I groaned as I let my legs drop to the ground. We were no longer surrounded by coworkers since they had the good sense to part like the red sea when Carlisle, boner killer, Cullen came within ten feet. "I would appreciate a little decorum while entertaining at my home."

I never tried that kind of rum, but I would go with Edward, ah, to buy some if that was what Carlisle wanted. Edward's jaw tightened and he mumbled, "Ass," when his father walked away.

"Is it yucky?" I asked in confusion.

"What?"

"The rum, is it yucky or just really expensive?"

"What rum?"

Now, I was listening, I know I was. Carlisle wanted some rum to drink while he entertained at his house and Edward, ah, thought he was being an ass for it. Something made Edward, ah, suddenly double over in laughter. I looked around to see what was so funny, but I didn't see anything remotely humorous.

He pulled me into his arms and said, "I love you so much, don't ever change a single thing, promise me."

"I can't promise that," I said with my own laughter. "Can you imagine if I never changed my panties? My vagina would certainly kill you."

He took a drink of his lemonade and I watched how his lips curved around the rim of the bottle. I wanted to be that bottle and have his lips curving around me. But we had an all day party to participate in and Carlisle wanted him to be social.

The band announced a break and said Mr. Cullen would address the crowd. I could see him through the square kitchen window, talking on his cell phone. So, I jumped onto the deck and asked the guy playing the guitar if I could borrow it. I went to the mic and said, "Edward, ah, son of the late Carlisle Cullen will sing us a song while we wait."

"Mr. Cullen isn't dead," James yelled out rudely.

"I didn't say he was, idiot, I said he was late, so his son will sing." James was quickly surpassing Emmett in the epic idiocy department. Edward, ah, looked terrified. I imagine that was the look on his face as Jessica, the orgasm faking whore, walked down the aisle toward him at their wedding.

He finally came up to the deck and the crowd went crazy as they encouraged him to entertain them. He took the guitar from my hand and you know how Disney movies add a little sparkle to the characters eyes, most likely in response to Pixar, but anyway, Edward, ah, had that little sparkle.

He smiled and played the guitar for a minute before leaning into the mic and began singing the song, I Wanna Do Bad Things With You. He winked at me and I think one of my eggs jumped from my ovary and crashed head on into one of his best swimmers. His low bass voice sent vibrations to my clitoris and I had to grab the deck railing to steady myself.

Eric was subconsciously nodding as if offering permission for Edward, oh God, to do bad things with him. Susan was tugging on her panties so she could throw them onto the deck and I was so going to strangle her with them. I saw Jasper, southern gentleman, confederate coveting, table tapping Jasper, dip Alice back and kiss her right in front of the entire department. I glanced at the picnic tables and saw they were gratefully covered in dishes so he couldn't strip her down and serve her up.

When the song ended it was silent, since we were all in a post coital coma. I began clapping and the place erupted into thunderous applause. Even the band clapped with appreciation for the guy who just got off an entire company.

Edward, ah, dropped his head sheepishly and handed the guitar back to the band and Carlisle walked out as the crowd continued to clap. "It's not for you, it's for Edward, ah," I told him in case he was confused as to who the rock star of the family was.

Carlisle began telling us how much our efforts paid off and how we had a standard of excellence to live up to, blah, blah, blah. Nobody was listening since we were all panting over his son. I pulled him away from the crowd and looked at him like he was the last piece of candy in a piñata.

"You have to do something with your music, Edward, ah. You should see your face with you sing, I mean, I would totally sit on your face while you sing, and I know that sounds completely disgusting, but I was only trying to make a point about your singing."

He laughed and took my hand as he led me to a dock. We sat on the very end and let our feet soak in the cool water. He was quiet and thoughtful so I waited for him to pick and choose the words he wanted to use, something I really needed to learn how to do.

"Bella, I met Jessica…"

"At a church, I know, during your devil worship phase, right?" I giggled.

"She was my second marriage," he said softly. I looked back at the house to make sure I wasn't lying passed out on the deck and having a dream. I thought he told me he was twenty-six, what twenty-six year olds were already divorced twice? "My first wife, Tanya, died. She got cervical cancer and died three months later."

No, this was bad, divorce would be much, much, better. It would mean they chose to be apart. I felt tears sting my eyes and I looked down at the dark water where our feet rested unknowingly to the possibilities lurking underneath them.

"I found out she was cheating on me before she became sick," he said with a lot of pain in his voice. "For some reason I just can't seem to make my wives happy."

"Edward, ah," I gasped and threw my arms around his neck and pulled myself over to straddle his lap. We tipped forward and he reached for something to grab onto so he could steady us, but the dock was empty.

I had a whole speech which would have been perfect, all about how he was too good for the women he married and it was his goodness that attracted whores to him, although I'm not a whore and I loved him completely and I'm attracted to his goodness but I would never cheat because, come on, he can get me off with a song. But, I never got the chance. We crashed into the cold water in one giant splash.

I swear the theme to, Jaws, began to play as we flailed and twisted to untangle ourselves from each other and the tall reeds in the water. He surfaced first and yelled a really bad word, which he usually reserved for the bed or reclining chairs. It interrupted the company rah, rah, speech Carlisle was giving and the entire crowd turned to the sound of splashing water and filthy words.

Edward, ah, was able to climb back to the dock and had to help me, since I was shivering and turning blue. "I..I..I..mmmmm…so…rrr…yyy," I said as I hugged my own body tightly. Esme came running down the dock with a blanket in her hand and I staggered my legs in case she came to wrap Edward, ah, and push me. I was not going back in without a fight.

She wrapped us both and I realized my legs were turning numb. I really hope I didn't pee on the dock unknowingly, but a part of me wanted the warm urine running down my legs right now. I had to hold onto Edward as we walked and could feel his body shivering, too. I swear his house climbed off the foundation and backed up a good mile. It was the longest walk of my life…and the staring coworkers didn't help.

"I'm sorry for the rude interruption," Carlisle said, and I didn't care what kind of rum he drank, he was an ass to say that.

"Get her in a hot shower," Esme said to her son. I suddenly loved her for suggesting we get hot in a shower. I should have brought two bottles of Ketchup. "Son, you can use mine while she's in yours," his horribly mean mother clarified.

"I want my Ketchup back," I said as I glared at her.


	14. Chapter 14

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 14

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 14

I stood in the shower, alone, and thought about Edward's, ah, talent. It wasn't something he needed to do to make a living, but he absolutely needed to be singing to be the lemniscates he was within. I knew the perfect place where he could sing and develop his material. I wasn't an agent, except when finding men for Jessica, but I knew talent when I heard it.

I got out of the shower and dressed in a pair of Edward's, ah, gym shorts and one of his mother's tees. I didn't want to wear it, because it felt all squareish, but it was her shirt or showing my low mileage breasts to the entire company.

I found Edward, ah, waiting for me in the hallway and I ran up to kiss him and whispered, "I'm commando in your shorts."

He smiled and pulled me down the stairs. "Come sit on my lap," he teased.

We joined the party and someone handed me a blanket rolled up with a handle stitched with, Cullen Corporation. It was our appreciation gift. I bet Pixar got way better gifts. The sun was beginning to set and the music got slower and more romantic, or maybe the fact I was sitting on my guys lap made the music feel more romantic.

I was snuggling his neck and said, "I would NEVER cheat on you."

He didn't say anything and I knew it wasn't something he could hear, it was something he had to feel. It would take a lot of love to make up for the two women who hurt him. I heard him sniff and I looked up to see him blinking to keep his tears away. "Are you sad?" I asked him.

He shook his head and smiled at me. "Not at all," he said.

"Are you coming to Forks with me?" I asked while he was smiling.

"Sure, I'll die for you," he teased and I pulled the blanket over our heads so I could kiss him properly. I didn't care if his father thought he was being antisocial, he gave us the stupid blanket to begin with. When the fireworks started we snuck into the house and he packed a bag for the weekend. He was going to spend the night at my house and keep his phone turned off…and me turned on.

The house was dark when we arrived and he headed right to my room and turned on the light. "No clothing punishment?" he asked when he saw my room was actually clean.

"Want to meet my new dog?" I asked and held out a picture of a pit-bull dressed in a tutu. "Her name is Allegro, isn't she cute?"

He took the picture from my hand and walked over to sit on my bed. I waited for him to smile or comment but he sat there shaking his head. "You don't like her?" I asked and knelt next to him so I could see his face.

He looked at me and I smiled, but he didn't smile back, he simply stared. "What's wrong? I asked him.

"Are you playing some game with me, Bella?" He shook the picture in his hand. "Do you think it is funny to see just exactly how stupid I can be?"

The air was sucked from the room and the corners rolled and bent like a funhouse mirror. "You're not stupid," I said quietly as my entire body began shaking. I reached out for my dog and he threw it against the wall, shattering the frame. I crawled on my knees through the glass and grabbed the picture off the floor. I looked back at him and wondered why he would do something so awful.

"It's a picture Bella, it isn't your dog, are you stupid or mentally touched? Either be real with me or get the hell out of my life," he screamed. I stared at him, with no idea who he was. I thought he was my Edward, ah, but he was only pretending, and he was tired of pretending now.

I stood and looked down at my bloody knees and then at the picture in my hand. I walked to my bedroom door and looked back at the stranger sitting on my bed. I knew the picture wasn't real, I wasn't stupid or touched, but I never had a dog before and I worked all day and couldn't take care of a real dog properly. It was fun to have a fake dog, only fun.

"You can go," I whispered and walked from the room. I went outside and crawled onto the hood of my car, lying back against the windshield I stared up at the sky. He changed into someone else after asking me not to change one single thing. He wanted to be a square after all.

He came out of my house and got into his car without ever noticing me. Maybe I should have told him it was how other people treated me and that was the exact reason I got my dog and sisters from the internet. They didn't judge me or call me names. They didn't call my parents in for conferences and tell them to insist I act 'normal'. I didn't want to be normal, I was a squiggle and it would kill me to be a square.

I looked down at my shorts, well, his shorts, and saw I got them bloody. I reached down with my finger and held it to the bleeding cut before bringing it up to my face. I stared at the blood in the darkness and wondered if it was somehow different from other people's blood, maybe mine had something in it that made it impossible to be a square and I needed to find someone with the same blood as me.

But my heart wanted Edward, gah, and he cut me and made me bleed. My knees looked just how my heart felt, raw, sliced, and seeping. When Rose and Emmett got home I hurried into the house and locked my door. I didn't get any sleep at all and when they knocked on my door to leave for Forks, I was exhausted. I used my Cullen Corporation blanket and slept in the back seat the entire way.

When we pulled into town I gave directions to my house. Emmett was nervous, Rose was nauseous, and I was incredibly sad. We walked in through the back door and my father stood for the introductions. "Dad, this is Emmett and his fiancée, Rose. You should hire him, Dad. He's very loyal and he loves Rosalie. Excuse me," I said and ran upstairs to my old room. I could hear them talking and my mother came upstairs to check on me.

"Are you okay, Bella?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Here," I handed her the money for Jake, barf. "Someone is coming for the old dirt bike, give him this, too."

"You don't seem like yourself," she pointed out and I turned so she wouldn't see my tears. They had waited for years for me to stop being myself; you would think she would be throwing a party to let the town see the new Bella.

"I'm just tired," I told her and she turned to leave me to rest.

"Oh, I put your turtle in the closet," she said and shut the door. I walked over and opened the closet door to see the warped piece of wood I found as a child and insisted it was a turtle. I picked it up and held it to my chest before climbing onto my bed and falling asleep with it in my arms.

I woke up to the smell of burgers grilling and sat up in my bed. The doorbell rang and I fell back onto my pillow. Jake, barf, was the last person I wanted to see. I could hear my father speaking and his voice became clearer as they headed to the back of the house. I peeked out my blinds to see it wasn't Jake my father was talking to, it was Edward, gah.

Was he insane? He can't talk to my father without my presence to save him, wait, he cut my heart, so get him dad!

They sat down and my father offered him a beer, surely it was poisoned and he would grab his throat and writhe all over the deck as he struggled to breathe. Edward, gah, would look so hot writhing. But he wasn't writhing or grabbing anything, he was only talking.

I listened closely to their conversation.

"I'm sure you want somebody much better for your daughter, I'm emotionally terrified of another relationship. I keep choosing the wrong women and I'm not sure I can go through it again. I don't understand Bella, at all, but I know I ache when I'm away from her and I've never felt like she makes me feel."

"Bella sees the world differently than other people do," my father said and I pulled my knees up to my chest and closed my eyes, knowing I was going to hear his disappointment that his daughter was a squiggle. "When she was small she would talk about a bear that watched over her when she played. It took me three years to understand what she meant. Look over there," my dad instructed Edward, gah, and pointed out the old tree with knots that formed a silhouette of a bear.

"My daughter is different," my father told him. "If you are choosing the wrong women, maybe different is what you need. But, my daughter deserves a man who will love her the way she is, and appreciate the spirit inside that is so full of love." I had tears running onto my knees and down my legs.

"I want you to know I am financially secure, Bella would never want for anything," he told my father and Charlie chuckled.

"You're wrong, money means nothing to my daughter and she will always want something bizarre and keep you thinking outside of the box."

"May I have your permission to propose to your daughter?" Edward, freaking AH, asked my father.

"You'll need her permission, not mine; she's in her room, first door at the top of the stairs."

Holy crap, he's coming to my room to propose and I have bloody knees and a line going down my face from sleeping with my turtle. I jumped up and ran to lock the door. I pulled off his short, still commando, and dug through my drawer for the perfect proposal panties. I could hear him coming up the stairs, dang it. I ran to my closet and grabbed a dress off a hanger and pulled it over my head just as he knocked on the door.

"Just a minute," I yelled and ran a brush through my hair and let it hang over the side of my face with the turtle line as I hopped into the panties.

I opened the door and smiled at him. His eyes narrowed and he looked me up and down before covering his mouth and trying not to laugh. I stepped back and looked in my mirror. I still had on his mom's tee, with the dress turned inside out over the top, and the material stuck in my underwear on the side.

"No," I cried. "Go back downstairs and let me try again, you can't propose to me like this."

His eyes widened and he looked over at my window. "You could hear us?"

"No," I lied and then quickly said, "Yes."

"I'm not going to propose," he told me and I knew I picked the wrong damn panties. "We need to have a long talk, without touching each other, just talking," he said and nodded for me to sit on my bed.

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "First of all, I want to show you my new dog," he said and handed it to me. It was a Dalmatian wearing a tiny fireman's outfit. "His name is Hoser."

Well, I'm sorry, but when a sexy guy spends the time to find a fake dog, there is no way you can keep your hands off of him. I touched him in a way that made his mother's tee blush. He had to push me away as he tried to calm himself. I was gasping for air and he held his arm out to keep me back.

"Bella, Tanya and Jessica both fell in love with me after they found out I am the Cullen heir, not my father."

"You're going to be a king?" I asked. No wonder they named him Edward, gah. But there was no way I was willing to be a Queen, unless, hey, don't castles have turrets, which are not square, and if he is Russian royalty they have those candy kisses looking castles. I missed lunch, I'm really hungry.

"Bella," he yelled as he shook me lightly. "Focus, I'm not going to be a king, I inherited my grandparent's money and it was why Tanya and Jess married me."

"You paid them for sex?" I asked with total disgust. And Jessica owed him his money back after faking her talents.

He growled in frustration and finally said, "Bella, are you after my money?"

"I get a paycheck, Edward,?, why would I want your money?" I was beginning to worry about his mental capacities. Maybe Emmett's stupidity was expanding.

He put his arm down so I could approach him and I pulled him onto my bed. He pulled me over him and then arched up and cried out in pain. "What am I lying on?"

"Oh, my God, you laid on my turtle," I yelled and he rolled to his side in a panic.

"Did I hurt it?"

I pulled it out from under him and tossed it across the room. "He's fine," I said before pushing him back so I could kiss him like crazy. My inside out dress came off and I was left in his mother's tee and my panties. He was kneading my backside as my bedroom door opened and my father walked in.

"Jesus," my father yelled and we both jumped. "This again."

"Dad, I was trying to talk, but he threw me on the bed and held me down." I forgot all about the fact my father was a policeman and trained in deduction. It was hard to plead my case as I lay on top of Mr. Gorgeous.

"The burgers are ready," my father said and left the room.

"You tried to have me killed," Edward, ah, said with wide eyes.

"I told you he won't kill you, just wing you. Come on, we can't keep the burgers waiting," I teased and climbed off of Edward, ah. I found a pair of shorts and when he saw my knees he knelt down on his own and kissed my small cuts.

"I'm sorry," he said with heartfelt eyes.

"You made it all good with Hoser," I told him, because he searched online for a fake dog just for me and I loved his attempt to be a squiggle.

"I think this would be a better apology," he said and pulled out a small box from his pocket. He opened it to reveal a band of diamonds, but not just a straight band, but one that made a squiggle of small diamonds across the front. It was the prettiest ring I had ever seen.

I stared at his hand, unable to find the nerve to touch it. Did he really buy me a squiggle ring to say he was sorry? It would elevate him to almost God status, if Jasper would be willing to relinquish the title.

"Bella, I lost all hope of finding someone who would be loyal and love me for who I am, and then I found this odd, beautiful, crazy, confusing woman and she promised she would never cheat on me."

Oh, he was talking about me! Yeah, I would never cheat on him; he was my dirt in which I could grow, my water, which would sustain me, and my air that would give me life. I really should be saying this aloud so he would know I loved him.

"Are you going to answer me?" he asked.

Crap, I missed my proposal. You would think I would be able to focus long enough to have a man propose to me. "Yes, Edward, God."

"I'll have Mr. Marcus give you a call," he said.

Wait, he didn't propose? What did I just say yes to?


	15. Chapter 15

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 15

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 15

He handed me the box with the diamond band which meant what? He didn't put it on my finger, so was I supposed to put in on my left hand or not? I was grateful when my father called us to eat again and we headed to the back patio. Emmett was sitting at the table with Rose on his lap. Edward walked over and shook his hand and they began chatting about the great town of Forks.

I was making a plate for both me and my guy when Jake, barf, walked into view. I didn't think about Edward, ah, being in close proximity of the guy who screwed his ex into confessing she only wanted Edward's, ah, money. He stood and faced Jake with a look of fury.

Jake gave Edward a sneer and said, "What's your problem, dickless?"

Excuse me, but my guy is far from dickless, in fact, he is more than amply endowed. I was working off a pretty nice visual in my head when I suddenly became aware of a lot of commotion going on around me. Emmett had Jake on the ground with his foot on his back and his arm pulled back, twisted and held tightly in his grasp. My, far from dickless, guy was getting up off the ground and rubbing the foot print on his chest.

"Are we all going to calm down?" Emmett was asking.

"You kicked my Edward, ah?" I yelled at Moby dickless.

"Yeah, I did," Emmett said as if he was already wearing a badge. "If I let you up are you going to behave?" he asked Jake, barf.

"Sure, I only want the bike," he said and glared at Edward, ah.

My dad came walking out of the house and nodded for Jake, barf, to join him as he headed to the shed. I walked over to check Edward, ah, for wounds and plan Emmett's death. "Are you okay?" I asked and pulled up his shirt to see if he was bruised, but all I saw was beautiful, gorgeous, unharmed skin.

Jake, barf, and Charlie walked out with the bike and pushed it to the front of the house to load it into Jake's, barf, truck. I stood protectively next to Edward, not to stop him from lunging at Jake, barf, but from Emmett or my father hurting him if he did happen to lunge.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think about you and Jake, barf, running into each other," I said and wondered why he was mad at Jake, barf. You would think they would be best friends after everything Jake, barf, did to get Edward, ah, free from Jessica, gag. Maybe Edward was simply used to fighting random men over his wives.

"No, I'm sorry," he said as his head dropped. "I thought he was coming to see you."

Me? He was fighting for me? Wow, he was fighting for me. I wanted my dad to drag Jake, barf, and his penicillin penis back to the deck so Edward, ah, could finish fighting for me.

"If I wanted Jake, barf, I wouldn't have you here. I don't do that, Edward, ah." He nodded but I could tell he still didn't believe me. I took his hand and brought him over to the table to sit as I finished making his plate.

Rose looked at him and asked, "If you could have a pass for any woman in the world, who would it be?"

Yeah, ask him about woman of the world while he is eating a burger with a girl from Forks. Was Rose turning into an Emmett? "Bella is the woman for me," he answered like a good boy.

"But, what if she was dead?"Rose asked. I really, really, hope her baby is ugly.

"Then I would want to be dead, too," he said and winked at me.

"I'll take you with me, babe," I promised and he chuckled a bit. As if he didn't mean for me to kill him if I ended up leaving this not perfectly round planet. So, I'm betting there is some Brazilian model he is creaming over.

My dad returned and patted Emmett on the back and said, "I was very impressed how you handled yourself."

"He kicked my guy in the chest," I pointed out loudly.

"Well," Dad said, "I'm sure he has done something in the past to deserve it. Perhaps touched something he shouldn't have touched?"

Oh, yeah, my dad was right; he really should be punished for sleeping with Jessica Stanley. Emmett laughed really loudly, in that annoying sonic boom voice he has, and said, "I think he has touched many things he shouldn't have touched."

"Rose, will you please control your Ogre," I demanded and they all just laughed at me.

My mother came out to join us and we sat around the table talking so she felt it would be a good idea to point out how much we didn't know about each other by playing a game. She would ask someone a question and their mate would have to answer and see if they got it right. This had tragedy written all over it.

"Rose," she began, "What is your favorite movie."

"Too easy." Emmett said. "The Notebook."

"Okay, Bella," she said and turned to me with a smile. I felt my body tense up and really hoped it was a question about sex so Edward, ah, had a chance. "What was your most embarrassing moment?"

"I'm not playing," I said and jumped up to clear away our plates.

"Too easy," Edward, gah, laughed.

"Shut up," I said with a warning glare.

"Come on, share," Emmett demanded and I wanted to fall into through the deck planks so an ambulance would interrupt all the fun we were having.

"Bella kissed me in a chair we were sitting in and it tipped over," he answered and it didn't sound so bad when he said it like that.

"She does that a lot," Rose laughed and Edward's, ah, head fell. I knew he was picturing me with various men and I had to make it stop.

"I tip over a lot, Edward, ah, not without clothes and using my hootchie as a weapon." It worked, he laughed. Damn, it was in front of others, like my mom and dad. I didn't think through my words again.

I pulled Edward, ah, up and said, "We're going to The Driftwood tonight, so we better get ready."

"What's that?" Rose asked.

"A club in Port Angeles," Edward, ah, answered.

"You've been there?" I asked him with surprise.

"Not inside, I had to pick someone up."

"Someone like a drunken, skanky ass, ex-wife?" I asked. Again the entire deck got quiet and I wanted Jessica's head on a platter. "I just want you to see something, Edward, ah, we don't have to stay long."

He nodded and followed me inside just as my father yelled, Edward's and Emmett's bags are in the spare room.

"I guess I don't get to sleep with you tonight," Edward, ah, pointed out.

I wanted to tell him he was not here for the interview, Emtard was, so we could sneak out in the night and go at it at the kitchen table if we wanted. But we would be expected to eat there the next morning, so, maybe not. Something really awful crossed my mind, what if my parents had sex on the kitchen table? Sex of any kind was too horrible to contemplate when considering my parents. My mom always said how much she loved my dad's mustache, oh gross; I think I need to vomit.

"Are you okay?" Edward, ah, asked.

"I bet my parents have sex," I said with a totally disgusted look on my face.

"I can pretty much guarantee it," he laughed. I looked over at the table and tried to imagine my square parents having table sex, nah, it was a round table.

It was over an hour before we left because Rose was all emotional, man; I hope I never get like that. We took Emmett's jeep and left the top off. Just as we turned the corner I saw Mr. Stanley outside trimming some rose bushes. I grabbed my purse and brought out a CD before standing in the open vehicle.

"Mr. Stanley," I screamed and he looked at me. I pointed at Edward, ah, and yelled, "Guess he was taking my calls after all." I tossed the CD to him and hoped the skinny case kept in it one piece and yelled louder. "Your daughter's in a movie, you must be so proud."

I laughed with evilness when he walked over to pick up the case. I could picture him sitting in a barcalounger with a tub of popcorn waiting for the title to come up on the screen, when it would be Jake's, barf, brown ass he sees instead, and of course the whore staple, crotchless panties.

"Stop, Bella," Edward insisted.

What, screeched, halt, back-up, was he seriously asking me to stop trippin on the whore he married? I looked at him like he had lost his mind. He needed to explain and pretty darn fast. First he jumps Jake, barf, and now he wants me to let Mr. Fatass off the hook, I wanted an explanation.

"You live here, this is your home town, you don't want people gossiping about us," he said and I began to wonder if maybe stupidity was a male thing, instead of just an Emmett thing.

"People gossip here to breathe," I pointed out, "It doesn't matter if it is true or not, so I'm doing them a favor by giving them something true to talk about. Why are you so skittish all of the sudden?" I really wanted to tell him to bury Hoser and get a sissy ass poodle or dick up.

"I don't want people talking about me at all, I don't care if it is true or not," he said angrily.

I turned and looked out at the darkening forest to have a fight with my sissy ass poodle guy in my head. He was beginning to really understand me and pulled on my chin to make me face him. "Say it; don't keep it in your head."

"Fine, you're being a pussy, Edward, gah. Maybe they cheated on you because they could. Some man cheats on me, he's gone."

"Like Jake?" he asked with raised eyes.

"Hell yes, I called Jake, barf, to help you. I don't care if you found Jess on an alter in a damn church, did you really not get a feel for her whorishness before getting on your knee, or were you already down there and decided to offer a ring to save time?"

Oh man, I did it now. His sissy ass face changed into one of pure He-man anger. I was so glad I left the squiggle ring at home, because he was not getting it back no matter what names he called me.

"I was messed up from Tanya, and bought Jessica's lies, I don't jump so easily anymore," he said as he glared at me. I think he was telling me something, but I was too angry to try and decipher his macho man code, so I retaliated with some of my female hormone rage.

"I don't think jumping is your problem, maybe you should hold off on the humping until the second date."

"You were all over me," he yelled loudly as his eyes took on a Lauren buggy look.

"You had a squiggle pen," I screamed just as loudly. "It was the same as a ruffie for me and you know it."

His mouth was hanging open and his eyes were searching through his memories trying to find what I was talking about. "You were serious; you really screwed me for a pen?"

"It was a squiggle pen, Edward, gah, keep your facts straight."

He began laughing, and as much as I loved the sight of his beautiful face laughing, I didn't like the fact he was laughing at me. He put his arm around me and pulled me to his side. "I love you, Bella; you are the only woman in the world who would sleep with me for a pen and not my trust fund."

"Not an ordinary pen," I mumbled, still a bit angry myself.

"I'll tell Mr. Marcus to forget about the pre-nup," he said and kissed my cheek.

WTF, pre-nup, when did I miss that little gem? I wasn't going to have a pre-nup, everything I had was his, oh, wait, maybe he was protecting his stuff, not mine. I pictured a bank vault full of squiggle stuff he wanted to keep from me and it pissed me off a bit. Did he think I planned on leaving him, ever? Squiggles don't leave people, squares do.

"You two are so annoying," Rosalie yelled back to us, sending her hair flying across her face and blinding her from my raised middle finger. She was knocked up by Gorp for heaven's sake.

Edward, ah, laughed and I leaned over to speak into his ear, "If I admit something, promise you won't get mad?"

He gave me a hesitant look and barely nodded. "I kind of missed the words that went along with the ring. I mean, it was a squiggle ring and it threw me for a minute and then you asked something and I thought you asked me to marry you and I said yes, and then you started talking about something else and you didn't put the ring on me, so I don't know if you proposed, or sold me a ring and I owe you money now."

He tried, bless his little pussy heart, to keep from laughing. He held it in really hard, but it was too much for him. He laughed the rest of the way to the club, and not just a 'Bella's so silly,' chuckled, but a 'damn that Bella is dumb,' belly laugh.

When Emmett pulled into the parking lot my hands began to shake. This place was the Holy Grail for squiggles. The tables had been made from actual slices of driftwood so they had no standard shape. The stage and bar were designed to match, so again, no obvious lines or corners. I loved Harry Clearwater for making his club for squiggles.

We walked in to the lively crowd of people and I ran over and hugged an empty table, not to save it for our little group, but to appreciate its natural design. Leah, Harry's daughter, came over to take our orders and I asked her when the singing hour opened. It was then Edward, ah, realized why I brought him here.

"You expect me to sing?" he asked.

"Rose and I will sing Karaoke if you sing something you wrote," I bargained.

"No, I won't," Rose said loudly.

"Come on, Edward, ah, you sang in front of the entire company, sing here for a small group," I begged.

Leah glanced at my gorgeous guy and nodded to the bar, "You have to sign up if you're going to sing."

He sighed and got up and headed to the bar as I jumped up and down in my seat. Edward, ah, singing in a room of undefined shapes, I should have worn industrial strength panties. Leah brought our drinks and Edward, ah, still wasn't back. I looked over to see him in a deep conversation with Harry and wondered what was going on.

The talent hour started and we watched the first three singers as Edward, ah, remained huddled with Harry. His name was finally called and he walked to the stage and was handed an old guitar. He turned toward the crowd and his face contorted into a blend of revulsion and determination. Standing right up front with the groupies was the biggest harpy of all, Jessica.


	16. Chapter 16

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 16

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 16

I have moments in my life I wish were filmed for me to appreciate later, like the time I was told to give a report on the styles and pop culture of teens in another country. I stood proudly in front of the social studies class and talked in depth about euthanasia. Or, when I was on the track team and the girl in the lane next to me told me she was going to trip me, so when the starter pistol went off, I turned around and ran the track backwards. But this had to be the coup de grace; this was the one to make all other memories fade.

Jessica leaned onto the stage so her ex-husband had a perfect view of her big boobs, held out like a platter waiting to be sampled from. He turned a bit to the side and began his song, which happened to be about cheating women. Jessica saw it as a personal anthem and was proud he thought to write it for her.

I made my way out of the booth and around to the stage. Harry smiled at me and I smiled and nodded. I took a handful of peanuts and chewed them as I watched Jessica stare at the man she treated like dirt. When Edward, ah, began searching for me in the crowd his body turned to face her and she brought her finger to her mouth and sucked on it provocatively, something I was certain she didn't learn in church.

I waited for his eyes to lock with mine and then walked slowly onto the stage. He sang with a haunting voice and I had to really, really , really force myself to focus. I timed it perfectly; just as I got in front of Jessica I wiggled my nose and turned to sneeze. My mouthful of chewed peanuts flew from my lips and covered her entire face, and her offered up bosom. She would be picking peanut parts from her cleavage for a week.

Her first reaction was to jump onto the stage, but it was an undefined shape so that made it my territory. I pushed her back into the crowd and her tiny skirt flew up to reveal her lack of undergarment, but really, who hasn't seen her den of disease yet?

I channeled Haley Williams, who channeled Loretta Lynn, and walked up to the mic to sing, You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man. Edward, ah, began playing back up for me and it was the most fun I had in the club made just for me.

When I finished the crowd went crazy and I jumped onto Edward, ah, and wrapped my legs around him, because I was in fact wearing proper panties. He kissed me hard and then leaned into the mic and said, "My fiancé, Bella Swan."

I looked at Jessica's stunned face and put my finger to my mouth as I said, "Yeah, that's right, suck on that."

She marched her peanut speckled face out of the place and we were free to enjoy the night. Edward, ah, sang a couple of more songs throughout the night and I was all over him like a sailor on shore leave. I noticed Rosalie relaxed a bit and began having some fun. Emmett didn't drink to show solidarity to his woman or to impress my father, I'm not sure which, but Edward, ah, and I were sloppy drunk by the time we left.

"You're so hot," I told him and he laughed.

"No, you're so hot," he said back.

"No, you are like a hot rod, I love your hot rod," I said and grabbed his crotch.

"You can have my hot rod, anytime, do you want my hot rod right now?" he asked and began unzipping his pants.

"No," Emmett and Rose yelled at the same time. "Keep your junk in your pants," Emmett told him and we both frowned.

"You can get in my pants, if you want," Edward, ah damn, told me and stretched out on the seat.

I plunged my hand down his pants and Rose grabbed my arm and pulled it back out. "No, Belly, your father has a gun," she reminded me but my guy sang, and he was so beautiful, and so hot.

I was suddenly pulled into the air and I giggled loudly. Emmett had lifted me off the back seat and brought me to the front seat, to buckle me in. "I've heard Romeo talk when he gets hot, you two will have to stay away from each other tonight," Emmett said and I tried to look behind me to see Edward, ah, but it only made me dizzy.

I remember the jeep roaring to life, but it was the last thing I could recall until I woke up in my bed the next morning sprawled all over Rose.

My phone was ringing so I picked it up off the bed table and moaned, "Uh huh."

"Bella, you have to help me," Alice cried. "Jasper's family is coming to visit."

"Huh," I moaned.

"His family is coming and I have to be southern, I can't be southern Bella, I have no idea how to be southern."

"Oh…God…I wanta die," I moaned and she gasped.

"If this scares you, imagine how I feel? I knew this was a mistake," she said and began to cry.

"Alice," I said with a slow voice to stop the vomit, which didn't appreciate the swirling room, from coming up. "I'll call you when I get back in town." I hung up and moaned.

"I don't want to hear it," Rose said and ran for the bathroom.

I heard Emmett's booming voice and I was about to yell for him to shut up when I heard my father's voice talking with him on the deck. "What do you think of this Edward guy?" my dad asked the mental equivalent to belly button lint.

"I think Belly is good for him," he answered and made it out of the lint category.

"The kid married Jessica Stanley, is he a bit dense?" my dad asked with a soft voice and I smiled on my pillow. Wow, even Charlie knew about Jessica, most likely from arresting man after man who came to town to sample her goods.

"I think he is a bit naïve," Emmett said. "He's been in his old man's shadow for so long I think he wants to believe in people who see him separate from his dad."

Hum…maybe Emtard is too harsh of a noun, too.

"Bella seems stuck on the guy," my dad said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, and you should hear what she does to him in the bedroom, I mean, God, the guy just about…"

"Emmett you freakin idiot," I screamed loudly and didn't care if my drinks came up or not. I didn't care if I cost him a job far from where I lived. He was so stupid and Rose was having his stupid baby. I marched down the stairs and the smell of pancakes sent me running for the back yard bushes.

"What did I tell you about overdrinking?" my father said harshly. At least he was talking about my drinking and not my screwing.

"You better decide in the next five minutes if you're hiring Hagrid here, because if you aren't I'm going to kill him."

My father laughed and held out his hand to Emmett's. "I think your experience and size would be a great asset to the department." I noticed he said nothing about Emmett's brain. Rose came out with a big smile on her face and walked right into Emmett's arms. It suddenly hit me, she was gone. My roommate and best friend was moving on to the next phase of her life and it was without me.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and headed inside to shower and dress. When I finished I snuck into Edward's, ah, room and watched him snore obliviously. He was lying on the bed in his boxers with his feet exposed so I walked over and kissed his perfect toes.

"Stop it, Emmett," he said into his pillow.

I took his entire toe into my mouth and he smiled with his eyes closed, "Okay, go ahead, but only until Bella wakes up." He stretched and I could see what my action did to him so I pulled the blanket over my head and began making my way up his body.

"Don't you da…oh Shit," he yelled and I smacked his hip for being so loud. I assumed he put his hand over his mouth because only muffled cries erupted instead of the usual wall beating profanity. I think I found a cure for a hangover, and it was much better than those horrible online remedies. I wonder if I should put it on one of those questions and answers sites. I'm sure it is only Edward's, ah; body able to elicit the cure, so I better not.

"Good morning," I said and snuggled up to his side.

"It is now," he teased and kissed my head.

"My dad hired Emmett," I said sadly.

"I thought it would be good news?"

"It is, but now I'm losing Rosalie. I've never lived with anyone else."

"What about me, will I do?" he asked and I turned to look at him.

"You want to be my roommate?" I asked stupidly.

"Are you listening right now?" he asked with a smile and I nodded with my own smile. I was going to listen if it killed me, but can you actually die from listening? I think if I listened to him say he wanted to end it with me I would die, but not from listening, from his words breaking my heart, so I don't think you can die from listening. Oh, shit.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"You waited," I said with tears.

"I'm beginning to recognize your spaced out look from your paying attention look," he said proudly.

"I love you," I said and smiled up at him.

"Do you love me enough to marry me?" he asked since I had my paying attention look.

"Do you believe I will never cheat on you?" I asked.

"I'm beginning to believe," he said softly.

"I'll marry you when you totally believe," I told him, "But you can be my roommate right now."

"I'll have my own room?" he asked.

"Yeah, but unfortunately not your own bed," I said as if driving a hard bargain.

"Will you keep your clothes awaiting punishment off of our bed?"

"I guess our bed will have to be in your room," I told him honestly, because naughty clothes cannot be contained.

"What do we tell our father's?" he asked with a furrowed brow. Sissy ass Edward, gah, was back. He had been married, twice, and still worried about what his father would say. He just didn't understand the world like I did, probably because he was a lemniscates and had no starting or stopping point.

"We lie of course, now dick up, will ya?"

He laughed and took my hand in his and asked, "Why aren't you wearing my ring?"

"I want you to put it on me," I said and watched his beautiful face look at me lovingly.

"Go get it," he said with a soft voice which did things to my body. I jumped off the bed and ran across the hall to my room to grab the small box. Edward, ah, was sitting on the edge of the bed and when I sat next to him he moved to his knees.

He waited patiently for my whole Edward, ah, on his knees scenario to play out in my head, so he could have my full attention.

"Bella Swan, will you marry me and love me forever?" he asked and held the ring just barely away from my finger.

"Yes, and I'll never give you a reason to doubt me," I promised and felt the ring slip onto my hand.

He let his head move to rest on my lap and I ran my digits through his hair as I stared at the squiggle ring on my finger. I could hardly wait to get back to work to show my sisters the ring. Their smiling faces would finally have a reason to smile.

"I found you," he said softly with his eyes closed.

"And you can keep me," I told him honestly.

My mother yelled up for us to come eat and I wasn't sure if he was up to it or not, but he impressed me with his iron clad stomach and I wondered if the hangover cure worked both ways. We all ate and said our goodbyes. Emmett would spend six weeks in training before Rose would join him in Forks. I was just so darn tickled I got six Emmett free weeks that nothing else mattered, until my father offered to let him stay at our house for the six weeks. I wonder if they would be willing to keep him on the force without vocal cords. What was I thinking; I would never be able to find a knife sharp enough to penetrate his thick neck.

We headed out of town each knowing our lives were changing forever.


	17. Chapter 17

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 17

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 17

I stood outside my cube trying to think of any way I could work without actually entering the dang thing. I was certain my sisters had perfect eyesight and could easily see my ring from the aisle, but then the sicko James walked toward me and I quickly entered my cube.

"Great party," he said with a sneer and I ignored him. "Way to go after the boss's son, that's sure to win you favors."

"I can't hear you," I said loudly and kept looking away from him.

"Maybe I can get my dad to hire you, so I can have a turn," he added and my sisters gasped.

I turned to look at his greasy hair and sex offender smile as my anger burned inside of me. "You're father could be king of the world and I wouldn't touch you with a condom over my entire body."

"Wow, he must be paying you a lot for your service," James said and I reached for my letter opener.

"Why don't you get to work and shut your filthy mouth," someone said loudly. I stood in my cube and looked back at Susan standing authoritatively in defense of my guy…well, technically the guy she wanted, but I would take her bad assness right now.

James looked at her with shock and said, "What's it to you?"

"We don't let people come into our department and start causing trouble, we've put up with enough of it from you," she continued on.

"Yeah, Bella is one of us, so leave her alone," Eric added. I gave him a fist pump in agreement. I worked in this cube long enough to expect loyalty from my fellow cubeologist. Sues shocked the hell out of me, but Eric owed me big time. Although something told me he was speaking just to get James to look at him.

I was still in my post harmony glow when Alice approached me and looked like a nervous wreck. "Did you come up with a plan?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," I said and she gasped in shock I wasn't totally prepared. I sent her back to her cube and looked up movies about southern women. I found two that looked promising, Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias. I was going to spend the evening with Netflix and be ready to take on the great south by the time the Whitlock's invaded the great Northwest.

I got an email from Edward, ah, who was still in developing. _Can I see you late tonight, I have a meeting after work and it will take a few hours?_

I felt better knowing he wouldn't spend the evening having to learn about southern woman and what caused their vapors. _Sure, wake me up if I'm asleep, and by that I mean crawl into my bed naked._

_Please, be asleep_, he responded.

And the rest of my day went pretty smoothly, I didn't even get annoyed at Emmett for taking some of my fries off my plate, he was leaving in three days, so I could deal with anything he came up with to bug me.

I spent the evening watching the movies, and I must say I am totally confused. They had big hair, I mean, really big hair. I don't think Alice has enough hair to make it that big. She would have to go for the tomboy spouse killer from, Fried Green Tomatoes.

I was keeping notes and came up with a background story. Her parents would own a small café and a beauty shop in a rural town outside of Atlanta near the Alabama border. She lost a brother to a train accident, and even though she had diabetes she would still have lots of babies. I would have to take her shopping for an outfit to find a big shirt with tights underneath. The Whitlock's would be planning a cotillion in her honor by the time I got done with them.

I went to bed at ten and Edward, ah, was still not home. I tried to stay awake but I had fallen into a deep sleep when I felt him crawl into my bed. "What time is it?" I asked him and could smell alcohol on his breath.

"I think around two," he said and I sat up.

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"With Jasper, talking over business."

"With drinks?" I asked and was beginning to grow a bit angry.

He laughed, "Yeah, it was the business we were discussing."

"Are you drunk?" I asked and felt my resolve wane a little when he smiled at me with a crooked, naughty grin.

"Not too drunk to keep my hands off of you," he said and then indeed did put his hands on me. There is something about middle of the night sex, when your body is rested enough to give it one hundred percent, but your mind is still sluggish enough to not care exactly what your body is doing. We went at it like rabbits in a forest. It was wild, fast, and intense. He yelled about fornicating family members while I screamed praises to a deity. I was sure neither one of us would remember it in the morning.

The week passed with my attention divided three ways, I had to consol Rose, who would miss Fezzik, as I had to keep threatening him to watch his mouth around my father. Then I had to keep Alice updated in the ways of the south, as I kept Edward, ah, captive in my sheets. I was getting exhausted.

I sat in my cube with my screen up, my hands on the key board, and my eyes shut as I stole a few moments of sleep. It just happened to be the exact few moments Jasper began his rounds. I blinked a couple of times to wake myself up and found him staring at me over my cubicle wall. "Damn it," I whispered at my sisters for not waking me up.

"Are you sick?" he asked me with his tight ass voice.

"No," I responded with my own tight ass voice.

"She's been sleeping all day," James said with his nosey ass voice. "I think she feels entitled since she is sleeping with the boss's son."

"Jasper is my boss you ass, and he doesn't have a son," I smirked across the aisle.

"I think Human Resources would be interested to hear the owner's son's twat and the supervisor he's roommates with get special privileges," James said to scare the southern comfort out of Jasper.

"I'm not giving her a pass, I'm writing her up for this," Jasper said and I glared at him because yeah, I did feel a bit entitled.

"And…." I coached the ghost of Gettysburg.

"And what?" he asked.

"And you're writing up James for the sexist remark he just made, right?"

"Oh yeah, James, we don't tolerate that language," he said and James glared at me.

I focused for the rest of the day and headed home to crawl into my comfy bed and go right to sleep. I didn't make it to the comfy bed, only to the comfy toilet, before Alice came crashing into my room.

"Bella, they're here and Jasper wants me to come over, what should I do?"

"Pretend to be a deaf mute," I told her and crashed onto her bed.

"No, you get up right now, you got me into this mess so you have to help me," she demanded.

I was so tired as I teased my hair to look like the ladies in Steel Magnolias. Alice put on the button down mans shirt with the tights and tied a scarf in her hair. I grabbed the green tomatoes I had in my fridge and we headed over to Jasper's to meet the confederacy.

We knocked and then let ourselves in, since we were doing the nasty with the men who rented the apartment. I got a pan and poured in some oil while I cut up the tomatoes. "Here, fry these and then bring them out when the family gets here."

I wanted to head back to Edward's unused bed to sleep, but the front door opened and Jasper walked in with his family. I turned to look at them with a big smile and noticed not one of them had big hair, in fact, they had perfectly straightened hair. He gave me a very odd look and asked, "Is Alice here?"

"Um yeah, she's making her grandma Idgie's tomatoes recipe," I said and looked at his mother as she glanced at her daughter. I needed to add more, they weren't buying it so I said, "She can eat the tomatoes even with her diabetes."

"Alice doesn't have diabetes," Jasper said with a hit of irritation. I was so tired I had to think who I had assigned the diabetes to. Just then she came out of the kitchen with a plate covered in black circles. Jasper looked at her clothing and then back at mine.

"Hi, I'm Alice, would anyone like a fried tomato?" Everyone stared at the circular bits of charcoal and shook their heads adamantly.

I needed to save and I could only think of one scene from the movies so I said, "I'll tell you all about her cooking if you sit by me, you know what they say, If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me."

"You told me to make the tomatoes, and I can cook just fine," Alice said angrily.

Edward, ah, walked through the door and looked at the scene in front of him. I had huge hair, Alice was holding a plate of burnt tomatoes, Jasper looked like his world was coming to an End and Edward, ah, figured everything out in one sweep of the room. "Oh God," he said and took the plate from Alice. "Run into Jasper's room and find something to wear. Whitlock's welcome, please come in and have a seat, Bella, go get in my bed before you fall down, and I'll bring you something to eat."

I headed down the hallway in total despair as the smell of burnt tomatoes filled the apartment. I crashed onto the bed and the last thing I heard was Edward, ah, saying he was taking everyone to dinner on the wharf.

I didn't hear anything else for the rest of the night. I woke up to the faint smell of burnt tomatoes but mostly the strong smell of coffee. I sat up with my teased hair looking like Marge Simpson and realized I was in Edward's, ah, bed. I was now missing my pants but still wearing the button down shirt and panties. I walked into the kitchen to find Alice looking adorable, and northern, and Jasper looking like he was trying awfully hard not to laugh.

"Why are you still here?" I asked Alice. I thought she would be sent packing through the Underground Railroad as Jasper's family sipped Mint Juleps and fanned themselves on the front porch.

"I thought I would want to kill you, Bella, but it seems my effort to be southern is just about as good as actually being southern. They were so impressed by everything I went through I was welcomed into the family.

"Everything YOU went through," I yelled. "They are my damn family, Alice. I was the one who went to all the trouble."

Edward, ah, walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Are you cheating on me already?"

I spun around to see his smiling face and I was not in the mood for this kind of joke. "Don't tease about that Edward, gah, I don't find that funny at all."

"Well, you are not getting within ten feet of my family ever again," Jasper said, sounding a lot more southern than he did before his family arrived.

"I was trying to help," I yelled at his snooty southern ass.

"Well, go help Edward. He's the one about ready to be disowned."

I turned to look at my guy's sad, guilty face. I realized we had been only seeing each other in the middle of the night…and only seeing each other with our hands. He was having major family drama and not sharing it with me, so I must be the reason for the major family drama.

"What's going on?" I asked him softly.

He grimaced and looked away as if extremely constipated or extremely uncomfortable with the subject. He finally looked back at me and said, "I'm leaving Cullen Corporation."

"Okay, I'm good with that," I told him.

"I'm buying a club," he continued on.

"Good, I hope you plan to sing at it," I told him.

"I'm buying Harry Clearwater's club."

I laughed and then waited for him to tell me he was joking, but he looked at Jasper and continued on. "Jasper and I are going to be partners. It's a big gamble but the numbers look really good. Harry has a captive audience with the loggers and the fishermen and that brings in the women. He's tired of the long hours and wants to sell."

"You'll have to move to Port Angeles," I told him and felt like the room was twisting.

"Or Forks," he said and I wasn't sure if he wanted to live even further from me or just used the town's name as a reference point.

"Why haven't you told me any of this?" I asked and tried not to cry.

"Because I wanted to surprise you," he said and got a really sheepish look on his face.

"Well, I'm surprised," I said.

"There's more," he added and I actually had to sit down. He looked at my eyes to make sure I was listening and said, "I bought us a house in Forks."

Hum…I wonder which part of his anatomy I should hurt first.


	18. Chapter 18

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 18

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 18

Jasper and Alice left the room, so I could be alone with Edward, gah, still in my big ratty hair and pants-less legs. I made myself think before I spoke, because I was pretty much going to go with all out screaming, the kind that neighbors call the police when they hear.

"You bought US a house in Forks?" I asked and tried to keep my tone generic.

"There's more," he said softly as if it was going to kill him to say the next words he had planned.

"More, what more could there be unless you bought the Stanley's house," I said with a laugh, because really, what could be more absurd then living in the house your ex-wife was raised in and honed her whore craft?

He looked at his feet, and I know he has perfect toes, but not so perfect that it would dissolve the fact he bought a house in Forks. "Tell me the 'more'," I instructed him.

"Ibothehousujussaid," he mumbled.

"You bit the juicy head?"

"No, I bought the house you just said," he yelled.

"What house did I just…NO," I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. "No, Edward, hell gah, NO. I will NOT live in that house, EVER. NO, oh my God, NO!"

"George wants out of town after seeing the video, he sold the house at a big loss, I'll tear it down and build a new one if you want."

"Why didn't you ask me? I don't want to live in Forks," I said as tears began to fall.

"I thought you would want to be by Rosalie," he said to sweeten the deal.

"Oh my God… Emmett. Do you realize what you have done? You want me to live in a town where Shrek is king. Where I have to see him again… and obey him." My voice had reached hysterical proportions and was bordering on a pitch only my fake dog could hear. I had a list of reasons to stay out of Forks, but Emmett surpassed them all. I would be a sixty year old grandmother and he would be calling me Belly and talking about Edward, gah, pounding on the wall as he appreciated my sagging tits.

"You're being ridiculous," he said loudly and I fell to the ground to sit like a broken doll. I never talked about living in Forks or having the desire to live in Forks. Maybe he was confusing me with Jessica, but I didn't know how to get through to him what it meant to me. I finally looked up at his nervous face and decided to just come out with it all.

"Edward, (just simply Edward) life in Forks was really bad for me. I don't want things to be normal or contained, I need them to be free and crazy and undefined. I can't breathe in a cube. Forks is just one big Cube and people were really mean to me. I tried to be normal, I really did, but I wanted to die from boredom."

"Would you be bored with me?" he asked and sat next to me on the floor.

"No, but you would hear people laugh at me, I don't want you to hear it," I said and wiped off my face.

"I wanted to surprise you," he said and then shook his head, "No that's not true, I was afraid to tell you because I am afraid to trust a woman."

"I'll support you in your dream, Edward. You can live with me and sing all you want, you don't have to work, I'll work," I told him.

He smiled and leaned over to kiss me, "You really don't want my money, do you?"

"I also don't want your money to change you. You're not a square, you're a lemniscates, and I want you to stay a sideways figure eight forever."

"What if I rent the house to Emmett and we find something for us in Port Angeles?"

"A houseboat?" I asked and moved onto my knees in excitement.

"Sure, whatever you want," he said and put his hand on my neck to pull me to his lips.

I was pretty much riding a relationship high. I just solved a problem with my man, my really hot man, and nothing got broken and blood wasn't spilt. I was an adult woman talking things out and the thought of it sent me into a fit of giggles.

We got off the ground and I showered and got rid of the Marge Simpson hair and went home to change. We had another difficult task in front of us; we had to tell the Cullens we were both quitting our jobs. I wasn't very nervous but Edward, ah, seemed terrified. I made a point of letting him know I would make up for the stressful day as soon as I got him home tonight.

I had his mom's tee cleaned and pressed to return to her, and I was so proud of my clothes when they rose to the occasion with the very first outfit. We took the ferry and walked down the beach to the large house of squares. Esme took her tee and thanked me for returning it. Carlisle asked us to have a seat and I was shocked when he lit a cigarette.

"I'm assuming you are here with an announcement?" Carlisle said with a bit of anger in his voice.

"Yep," I said and held up my hand. My guy seemed to shrink in the presence of his parents and it wasn't like I told them about our chair incident.

"Son, you are making another mistake," Mr. Cullen said and totally ignored me.

"Not this time," Edward, ah, said forcefully.

"Third time's a charm," his father said cynically.

"Um…we're not here to listen, we're here to talk" I said to butt in, because frankly when Carlisle spoke all I heard was blah, blah, blah.

"What exactly do you do at Cullen Corporation?" Carlisle asked and all of his attention turned to me.

"I'm not really sure, I mean, I just now found out what the company does. I sit in a cube, which you should really look into changing, because you can't be creative in a box. I bet not one good idea came from anyone sitting in a box. Especially sitting by someone like James, the guy is a total asswipe, and the only person that likes him is Eric and it was only because Edward, ah, turned out not to be gay."

"Bella," Edward, ah, interrupted and I turned to look at him. "This is an example of a conversation that should stay in your head."

"Oh, okay," I turned back to Carlisle, "I answer emails."

"You're marrying a girl from customer service?" his father asked like I was some mutant buried deep within the company. I knew he didn't believe we helped him beat Microsoft. I bet he really thinks he did it alone.

"No, I'm marrying a girl who is going to help me run my club," he said to let the cat out of the bag. I wonder how that phrase started. Who walked around with cats in a bag and then let one out? It would be easier to keep gerbils in a bag or maybe rabbits.

I felt Edward, ah, nudge me and put my listening face back on.

"This is a waste of your talent, of your education, and jeopardizes your posterity's inheritance," Carlisle yelled loudly and put out his cigarette without ever taking a puff.

"You built your company, let me build something of mine, maybe it will take off and maybe it will fail, but it is my failure father, not yours," Edward, ah, said to stand up for himself.

"I think we have all witnessed your epic ability at failure," Carlisle yelled and I reached the end of my squiggly rope.

"Name one thing Edward, ah, failed at. Tanya failed at keeping her wedding vows; Jessica failed at being honest with him up front. He never failed them; he gave everything he had to make his marriages work. You're his father; you should be supportive of his dreams and telling him to hang in there when his life goes to shit for a bit. You're just piling on," I said high upon my lofty moral pedestal.

"You're going to marry this girl, she's mentally unstable?" Carlisle asked, totally ignoring my outburst.

"Look at me," I said with a serious tone, but he continued to ignore me. I stood and walked to where he was sitting and yelled loudly, "Look at me."

His eyes turned slowly and finally settled on mine. "I am not mentally unstable, and the only reason you think I am is because I don't give a damn about your or your company. I love your son, and I will spend every single moment for the rest of my life trying to make him happy. He's trying to tell you who he is, why won't you listen to him."

Esme stood and took my arm; I thought she was going to try to fight me. Are you supposed to try and win a fight with your future mother-in-law, or do you let her win? Luckily, she spoke before I threw the first punch. "Let's go talk and let the men have a few moments alone."

I looked over at Edward, ah, as she led me from the room and wondered if he was going to have to fight his father. "Honey, all fathers and sons go through this; I remember when Carlisle went through it with his father. It is all part of becoming a man."

I sat on a stool at the kitchen counter and watched her move gracefully around the kitchen. She looked like a model with long appendages and I realized she was happy being a square, just like I was happy being a squiggle. We needed to find some shape understanding and Edward, ah, was it; his lemniscates shape was a bridge between his square parents and my squiggle.

"Bella?" she called out again. Damn, damn, damn.

"Sorry, I zone out sometimes," I said and she nodded before repeating, "Would you like lemon or lime in your drink?"

"Do you have grapes?" I asked.

"You want grapes in your drink?"

What's wrong with grapes in my drink? They're fruit and when the drink is finished they are fun to eat. I can catch them in my mouth after throwing them at least five feet in the air. Rose and I measured one night. Oh yeah, Esme.

"Just make it however you want," I told her. Look at me being all shape shifter and working as a team.

She handed me a drink and sat across from me at the counter. "You seem to make Edward very happy."

"Thanks," I said and knew she had no idea how happy her son was when he unleashed his profanity and felt the need to pound on hard surfaces. "He's my Ah," I admitted.

"Your what?"

"My Ah, you know how you look at a sunrise and say, Ah that's beautiful, or when you see a new baby and you say, Ah what a miracle. He's my Ah."

"He's a very lucky young man," she said with a smile and it didn't look forced or anything.

"How did he end up with Tanya and Whorezilla? I just don't get how someone as kind and loving as Edward, ah, married them."

"My son is very idealistic. He looks for the best in people and tends to overlook the worst. He stayed with Tanya and saw her through her illness even though she cheated on him. He would have forgiven Jessica if it wasn't a chronic habit."

"Chronic habit, she was born with her legs spread and propositioned the doctor," I said as I shook my head. Esme was very proper and only covered her laughter with a cough. "I don't cheat," I told her outright.

"And if she did, it would be with a picture from the internet," Edward, ah, said as he walked into the room.

"You better keep me supplied with pictures of you than," I said and held out my arms for him. He came to my side and hugged me tightly.

"Do I need to speak to your father?" Esme asked. I'm sure she does, I mean, if you are married to a guy and living in a house with him you would pretty much have to speak to him. Maybe she had more strength than me and could go days without talking to the man she shared a bed with. I wouldn't be able to go one hour without hearing Edward's, ah, voice.

I felt someone shake me and looked up to see my, Ah, oh, he was speaking. "What?" I asked him.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Is everything good?" I asked.

He smiled, so what does that mean? And where's Carlisle, oh my God, he killed his father. We have to get out of here before the body is discovered. Alaska, we'll head north and live off the land. Carlisle walked into the kitchen and I let out a huge sigh of relief. Seriously, we wouldn't last a month living off the land.

"Are you giving notice or just leaving?" he asked me.

"Um…we'll say goodbye," I said with a shaky voice.

Edward, ah, patted my shoulder and clarified, "He means at work."

"Oh, I'll give notice, because I want the cake and the big tearful goodbye, except James, I don't want him eating anything of mine."

Edward, ah, turned red and his father looked away, Carlisle must like James, but nothing was changing my mind.

"So when's the wedding," Esme asked and both men seemed to relax.

"Is tomorrow too soon?" Edward asked. His parents both said, yes, at the exact time I said, no.

"Honey, it takes a good year to plan a wedding," Esme said and I gasped.

"Rose can't wait a year; her spawn of Satan will be walking down the aisle with her if she waits a year."

"I don't know about that, but you have to find a place to marry, prepare a guest list, find a dress, choose announcements, pick a menu…"

"No, I'll get married at The Driftwood, with just family and a few close friends, and we can open the bar and have hot wings and nachos as we all dance. I love Orange; can I have an Orange dress, Edward, ah?"

"You can wear whatever you like," he said loudly and proudly, God, I loved him.

His parents stared speechless, so I took my guy's hand and pulled him to the door, "Bye," I called out, "We have to go plan a wedding."


	19. Chapter 19

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 19

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

* * *

Chapter: 19

Alice and I gave our notice at the same time. She was going to help Jasper run the club down the street call The Cube, designed to make corporate people feel comfortable, so everything looked like an office. The place gave me the creeps. Edward, ah, and I were going to run The Driftwood, designed to make nature loving people comfortable.

We headed to the cafeteria where a big goodbye party was going to be held and I couldn't control my tears. How could I leave a job I loved so much, well, maybe not loved, but enjoyed, okay, not really enjoyed, but performed, how could I leave a job I performed?

Eric came up to hug me and we bawled like the two women we were. "I'll never forget you," I said.

"I hate you for taking my man," he replied.

"I know, but he prefers the V to the P," I cried.

He turned his mouth to speak directly into my ear and whispered, "Big James doesn't."

"Big James?" I said with my raised eyebrows.

"Oh yeah," Eric said and fanned himself.

"I just threw up a little in my mouth," I admitted.

"He does that, too," Eric said and moved on to hug Alice.

"Sues," I said and held out my arms. She recoiled like I was going to punch her and then moved in for an awkward hug. "I think I'll miss you the most," I said and tightened my arms. She remained very stiff until I whispered, "Come to the wedding and I'll let you kiss him." Her arms finally tightened around me and she hugged in earnest. We had at least one confirmed guest.

Lauren and her bug eyes came up next. She looked a bit skittish and I finally asked, "What?"

She leaned in and said softly, "Can I have a copy of that video, the one with your ex?"

"Lauren, you horny little tramp," I teased. "I'll set it on your desk, along with his phone number."

She smiled and her eyes didn't seem so entomologyesk. I was stunned when Mr. Cullen and Mr. Marcus came into the room. They NEVER ate in the cafeteria and the place grew silent. To put everyone at ease Carlisle decided to speak.

"We are losing some very valuable employees today. Alice's statistics are some of the highest recorded for your department." They kept stats on us; it would have been really nice to know information like that up front. "And Bella… was diligent in her emails, keeping the clients very entertained." Hum…did he just compliment me or insult me? "Jasper will remain for another month to train the next supervisor and I will let him announce the person we have promoted."

Jasper stepped forward with his hands behind his back and staring at the crowd like the southern freak he was, but I had to admit he was a pretty good boss. He kept a tight ship, but you can't really keep a ship tight, it either leaks or it doesn't. Everyone began clapping and I searched for the person I missed being announced.

Eric, oh my God, Eric was the new supervisor. I wanted to stay now, forget about Port Angeles and my new house boat; I want to play business with Eric. James stuck his hand out to shake Eric's and I noticed the glance they gave each other, never mind, I'm going. I'll play business with Edward, ah. I love his business, he has great business, and he really knows his business.

"Bella," Carlisle said loudly.

"Oh sorry, I was just thinking…." I stopped this time; I didn't say anything inappropriate, I simply stopped.

"Yes, I know it's a strain sometimes," he said without appreciating my whole stopping effort. "Tell Edward we hope he stops by before you two leave for Port Angeles."

I nodded and gave him a hug, which pissed off Alice because now they had to hug, too. Mr. Marcus smiled at me and shook his head, people do that a lot to squiggles, but we don't mind because the joke is really on them, the stupid squares.

"Thank you for all your help in the Mrs. Cul….Jessica matter. I wasn't sure how to handle the problem," he admitted as he extended his hand.

"I'm sure it was difficult for one professional screwer to go after another," I said with a wide smile.

He actually laughed and said, "Touché, Ms. Swan." You gotta love a square who knows his place in the world.

The crowd began to filter out and Alice and I stood by our cake and let our tears fall. "Are you sad to go?" she asked in her little coquettish voice that made her stats so high.

"No, but my sisters are," I said and picked up a handful of cake.

"Do you think the clubs will make money?" she asked with a hint of fear.

"I don't know, I don't see how this place makes money, but we beat Microsoft. I believe in Edward, ah, and Jasper, if that's what you're asking." I told her and she smiled and nodded. She looked at my hand full of cake and I pointed at the small metal strip on the sneeze guard showing James coming up behind us.

"Do I get to cop a feel before you leave?" he said in his predator kind of way that turns your stomach and makes you look around for a policeman.

I turned and smashed the handful of cake right into his face. Alice squealed and did the same sending the room into a fully fledged food fight. All our aggressions were taken out for all past wrongs, assumed or otherwise. I got Sues right in the neck with chocolate frosting and Eric got both of my boobs with pink roses. Every girl should have the chance to have her chest frosted with a pretty color, it made me feel like… Katy Perry.

Jasper, which had left to walk Mr. Cullen out, came back into the room and looked stunned. I walked up to him with my pink chest and my cake covered hands, and he glared at me, "Don't even think about touching my face," he commanded like General Bragg at the battle of Chattanooga.

I put my finger in my mouth to lick off the cake and focus his attention away from my other hand, which came up and goosed him right in his Lieutenant General. "Oh my Gawd," he yelled and grabbed himself in shock. Jasper will never get the whole world of squiggles.

Alice and I were supposed to finish out the day in our cubes, but we ended up cleaning the cafeteria as a robust woman in a hair net stood watch with her arms folded over her massive chest. We got back to our department in time to collect our personal belongings. I emptied my drawers and found a hair clip I lost ten months ago, the extra key to the house Rose and I rented, and a box of tampons I swore I had used up.

The hardest part was packing up my two dogs, RIP Sami, and my sisters. I kissed their faces and swore a tear fell from my nicer sister's eye. I took a disk from my supply of; Jess does Jake, and wrote his number on a post-it before handing it to Lauren. It was disturbing, but sweet.

I knew most of my coworkers would stop in at the club down the street, but only a few would ever make it out to Port Angeles, most likely only the squiggles. "I'm going to miss you," Eric said and I smiled through my tears.

"Are you coming to the wedding next week?" I asked.

"Yes, may I bring a date?" he asked.

"Yes, as long as it isn't James." I heard weddings are more or less about the superstitions. Mine and Edward's, ah, happiness depended on an array of little tidbits, like the weather, the amount of guests, and the number of crock pots received. I think throwing James into the mix would upset the balance and doom us to divorce.

Alice and Jasper were taking the year to plan their wedding, which would be held at some big mansion in Atlanta. Rose and Emmett went to Vegas to wed and still haven't told her parents. Edward, ah, and I were doing a more traditional thing, but on a much smaller scale.

We found a boathouse that made my guy sick for a week before he became adjusted to sleeping in a rocking house. I loved the thought of a house you could simply float away in.

Edward, ah, was working long and late as he took over The Driftwood and left me to plan everything like only a Lemniscates would. My mother wouldn't allow an Orange dress, but I found one with a full skirt which was drawn up in various places making it look like it was full of squiggles. It had one bare shoulder and one long sleeve made of lace. I loved it.

Rose got a dress in light red that looked beautiful with her long blonde tresses and she was going to be my Matron of honor. Jasper was the best man, and Emmett was going to be the bouncer, hopefully outside. Alice was playing the wedding march on the club piano, another compromise for my squiggle wedding cake.

I sat in the back room as Alice worked on my hair and make-up and Rose complained about her disappearing waistline. I had stayed at my parents in Forks and hadn't seen Edward, ah, for a whole week. Just knowing he was somewhere in the club was driving me crazy.

Esme stuck her head into the room and seemed to relax when she saw my non orange dress. "The club is filing up quickly, are you almost ready?" she asked.

"How's Edward, ah, doing?" I asked her. The guy was a pro at dressing in a tux and waiting at the altar, but maybe he was growing worried about doing it yet again and wanted to run.

"He's been smiling all morning," she said and it made me smile to hear it.

Everyone left the room except me and Rose and I picked up my bouquet. "Are those chocolate?" she asked.

"Yeah, want a bite?" I asked as I unwrapped one of my roses and took a nibble off the top.

"God yes," she said and I unwrapped a second one for her. "I'm craving sweets like crazy."

My dad knocked on the door and we headed into the hallway to wait our turn at heading down the aisle. Alice began playing the prelude and Rose stepped proudly into view as the crowd all sighed at her beauty.

"I can't believe this day has come," my father said softly as he tried not to cry. I wasn't sure if he meant it came too quickly or he couldn't believe some sap was actually going to marry me. I leaned over and took another nibble off my roses to steady my nerves.

The wedding march began and we stepped around the corner as everyone stood. My father took a slow step, and then another slow step, WTF. I wasn't walking toward the sexy man waiting on the stage at a slow pace, no way.

I stopped and handed my dad the roses before kissing him quickly. "I love you dad, you can go sit with mom." I took one last bite from my roses and turned to run toward Edward, ah.

He laughed as I collided into him and I smiled with chocolate covered teeth. He reached up with his finger and wiped chocolate from the edge of my mouth, so I pulled up my one sleeve and wiped my entire mouth.

"Don't mess up your…never mind," he said with a smile. It was my day and he was letting it be all about me. I felt overwhelmed by the amount of love I felt for him. It had been a week and I missed him with a heavy ache in my heart. How could anyone cheat on him, he was so…good. Everything about him was good and he didn't deserve the pain weak women caused him.

"Are you going to listen to the constable?" he asked me.

"Probably not," I told him honestly. "I'll never cheat on you and I will love you from beyond the grave."

"It's not time yet," he said and turned me to face the man being paid to join us together.

I thought he would say a few simple lines which we would reply, yes, and be pronounced man and wife. But this guy was going on and on about what marriage was about and living with each other's weaknesses. I looked back to see if my father was close enough to bring me my chocolate roses but he was sitting empty handed, which sent me into a whole, where are my roses, inner conversation.

I sighed loudly, too loudly and it was picked up by Mr. Word Vomit's microphone and the crowd chuckled. I leaned over to speak quietly, unknowingly only moving closer to the mic. "Can you just marry us; I'm not listening to the advice."

He gave me an appalled look, which we squiggles get a lot of, too, and skipped to the important stuff. He asked Edward if he would take me as his wife and I squealed a little. He was asked if he promised to love me and stay faithful to me and I collapsed against his mouth when he said, "Absolutely."

Edward, ah, pushed me back and said, "Not yet." But his eyes were saying something totally different. I was then asked if I would take Edward, ah, and I said, yes, and moved in for a kiss, but again I was pushed back. "There's more," he told me.

I was asked if I would love him and stay faithful and I nodded adamantly until it was my turn to talk. "Yes, and you will never have to worry about me cheating, because I love you so much, and well, come on, look at you." The crowd laughed and Edward, ah, finally pulled me to his lips. We were already kissing when we were pronounced man and wife, and I was really, really, close to pulling a Jasper right there on the clubs oddly shaped bar when Edward, hubby, pulled back and smiled slyly at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I want to give you your present now," he said with a huge grin forming on his face.

"Can I open it?" I asked.

"It isn't wrapped," he said and turned me to face the crowd and stood behind me with his hands around my waist. "Look in the very back on the left," he whispered in my ear.

I brought my hand up to shield my eyes from the glare of the soft lights and finally saw my gift. My hands came to my mouth and my knees buckled. I don't know how he did it, or how he convinced them to come, but on the back row stood my sisters, in the flesh, waving to me, each one holding a dog in her hand.

I knew in that moment with absolute certainty my marriage would last forever and we would only know happiness. My Lemniscates husband loved me, completely understood I was a squiggle, and our eternity started right now.

I stepped off the stage and ran to meet my sisters.

The End.

* * *

I HOPE YOU'LL CHECK OUT THE SEQUEL CALLED 'TILT'.


	20. Chapter 20

Name: The Cube

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter: 20

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters. **

**_This is for my sister who begged me to include their honeymoon. Stephenie Meyer still owns the Twilight Characters. Happy Thanksgiving!_**

* * *

Chapter: 20

I was now a married woman, Mrs. Edward, ah, Cullen. And I wasn't even pregnant, which I'm sure shocked the crap out of my parents. We partied until late into the night and I even made good on my promise to let Susan kiss Edward. I just should have stipulated that she had to keep her tongue in her mouth.

We headed to a hotel just down the street from the club since we weren't leaving for our honeymoon until the next day. Edward smiled at me and said, "May I carry my wife over the threshold?"

Wife, it was a funny sounding word. It sounded like it would be riddled with responsibility and….ah shit, I'm a wife and I have responsibilities. I should have thought this through a bit more. I assumed marrying Edward, ah, only gave me access to his dangler on a regular basis without fear of my father shooting him, but now I had to think about things like life insurance and 401K's.

"Don't die," I blurted out and he chuckled.

"You're not that hard to lift, I think I'll survive," he smiled and picked me up.

He carried me into the room and when he sat me on my feet I looked at the thick tulle blocking access to each other. I spun around and demanded he remove my dress.

"Oh my God, look at all the buttons," he gasped and I reached back and took hold of both sides of my dress and pulled hard. Little pearl buttons flew all over the floor. Edward, ah, looked stunned so I had to explain.

"I'm only getting married once, I don't need this dress anymore," I announced.

"But I wanted to undress you," he said with a hint of sadness.

"Oh," I said and pulled the one sleeve back up to my shoulder. I held my arms out to the side and closed my eyes, "Go ahead."

"Why are you standing like a scarecrow?" he asked and my eyes popped back open.

He just wasn't catching on to my whole sense of urgency. I was a pretty worldly girl, much to the ignorance of my father, and wearing a white dress for my wedding….pull the damn thing off big guy!

"Edward, gah, do you want me or not?" I couldn't believe I had to ask that question. Did Jessica pretend to be the blushing virgin, making him slowly undress her and promise it would get easier and less painful? I mean the Chippendale dancers and the entire teamsters union couldn't make Jess blush…and probably didn't.

"I'm trying to be romantic," Edward, ah, explained and I loved him so much. He was my Adonis, my Zeus, my personal dangler for life, and I wanted him out of that monkey suit and into his birthday suit.

"You know what would be so romantic?" I asked and tried to look seductive and not overanxious. I grabbed his shirt and pulled, sending buttons flying everywhere to meet up with mine. "If you take off your pants while I remove my dress."

I quickly pulled my one sleeve down again and stepped out of the big ball gown. I had on a corset with a garter holding up fishnet stockings. It was hookerish, but I really wanted to hook him. His eyes grew wide and he quickly disposed of his pants, as men are often inclined to do. He had on black bikini underwear and I broke into loud laughter. They looked hot, if he planned on hooking up with Eric.

"What's wrong?" he asked and looked down at his barely covered manhood.

"Did you get those from Eric?" I asked him as I continued to laugh.

"No, I bought them for tonight, I wanted to look sexy for you," he said and I could tell he was embarrassed.

"You always look sexy for me," I informed him, because he was all kinds of hot with a side of smokin.

He smiled and his underwear began growing so much smaller, so I covered my mouth and moved my eyes away from his…package. He noticed my laughter and tackled me onto the bed. He suddenly lost his need to be romantic and discovered his need to be aggressive. My fishnet stocking ripped off my legs and the corset was forever ruined. I didn't mind, I was married now and wouldn't need them anymore.

He pounded on the wall as the sun rose and said something about effing Mrs. Cullen, I wasn't sure if he meant me or he was pissed at his mom, but I think he meant me.

We fell asleep and remained out for most of the day.

Edward planned our honeymoon and I trusted him to make it special. He took me to a very obscure place for a honeymoon….Las Vegas. I should have pointed out my lack of paying attention would be an issue in a place where there was so much to pay attention to. I couldn't even make it from the check in desk to the elevators without getting preoccupied by all the lights and noise.

I sat on a stool and smiled at the man standing in the middle of a table. "What's this?" I asked him.

"Blackjack, what's your bet," he instructed.

"Oh, okay, I bet you can't guess my weight," I told him and knew I would win this one. I looked thin, but I was all muscle…or either had very heavy skin because the doctor would often say I weighed more than I looked.

Edward, ah, grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the table. "I'll teach you how to gamble later," he said, because my guy knew just about everything.

We made it to our room and I looked out of the window at the huge city below. It was all lit up and I couldn't decide what to look at first. Everything was moving so fast and my eyes finally caught site of a rollercoaster. "I want to ride on that," I told him.

"Really?" he asked, "You like those?"

I glanced over to see his jaw was set tightly and I punched him in the arm. "If you've ridden Jessica a rollercoaster will be nothing. She's all about taking your life into your own hands. And I'm sure she's taken herself into her own hands, too."

"New rule," Edward, gah, announced. "You can't mention Jessica again for the rest of our honeymoon."

"Okay, but one last question first. Where did you take her for a honeymoon?"

Edward, gah, turned pale and he shook his head and moved away from the window. I began imagining Paris or Rome, somewhere super exotic or romantic like most couples do, not somewhere pumping like Vegas.

"Where?" I pushed.

"Bella, don't," he said and there was nothing stopping me now.

"Did you bring her here?" I asked. I ran my fingers through my hair as a diversion since I was actually looking around for something to impale him with.

"God, no," he said angrily. Yeah, I knew he wouldn't do that. "We went to a Christian retreat," he finally mumbled.

"You took Satan to a church camp?" I asked incredulously.

He smiled and eventually looked up at me. "I brought an angel to the city of sin, so why not?"

"Where did you take Tanya?" I asked.

"Door County, Wisconsin," he said softly and I was sure it was because he was embarrassed for taking her to a door place. I was happy now; I got the best honeymoon in a place I'm sure no one ever comes. If a rollercoaster wasn't his style, I would gladly forgo it.

He took me to eat and I expected a dark restaurant with tiny tables where we would touch each other inappropriately, but we entered a room that was nothing but food. Edward, ah, picked up a tray and handed me a plate. "You can get whatever you want," he said.

"From where?" I asked since there were so many food stations.

"Anywhere, this is an all you can eat buffet."

This was so much better than touching inappropriately in the dark; this was like entering a squiggle dream where food symbolized everything important in my life. I loaded my plate with anything that wasn't square. I had to rest my piled up load against my body to keep it from spilling over and headed to a table where Edward, ah, waited.

"Bella," he cried out, "You can go back as many times as you want."

It would have been nice if he would have told me that up front. I was too afraid of losing out on the shrimp, spaghetti, chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, mac and cheese and some stuff on the bottom I couldn't see.

I savored every bite until my stomach couldn't hold another thing. I forgot to leave room for dessert and when Edward, ah, returned to the table with a bowl of ice-cream I moaned.

He smiled and held up his spoon to offer me a bite. "I can't," I told him honestly. "I'm full, and your ice cream is covered in condoms."

"You mean condiments, love. It is a very important distinction."

"Yeah, that's what I meant."

He had to help me up and I kept rubbing my stomach as we headed out to walk along the street. It was packed with people and I wondered how so many of them found out about Las Vegas. I felt someone tap my shoulder and I turned to see a man holding out some cards for me to take.

"How much are they?" I asked him.

"They are free," he smiled and I took what he was offering.

I glanced down to see pictures of nude women. I looked through the tiny stack and the gasped loudly. "Oh my God, Edward, ah, look, It's Jess," I yelled and held up a card. He grabbed it harshly from my hand and ripped it into tiny pieces as he mumbled angrily.

"Don't yell at me, I didn't marry her," I said and stomped off.

He grabbed my arm and clarified. "I'm not yelling at you. I just feel like a complete idiot."

Yeah, I could see his humiliation at being Mr. Porn star. Jess was posing nude while he was planning outings for church retreats. Idiot wasn't a big enough word, imbecile fit better. "I'm sorry I broke the new rule, but I was shocked to see it was her," I told him, but it was a lie. It would be shocking to see her dressed, but spread eagle in a chair with her tongue hanging out was just like looking at her senior picture.

We held hands and walked leisurely through the throngs of people until I finally came to a complete stop. I stared up at the shop in front of me with my mouth hanging open.

"Do you want to go inside?" Edward, ah, asked in my ear.

"This place really exists?" I asked in a reverent hush.

"I'll let you buy whatever you want," he offered and I quickly rushed into the M&M store. I gapped at the place that was packed from wall to wall with everything M&M you could imagine.

"I want to be buried here," I said as I made my way to the wall of candy dispensers filled with every color you could imagine. Why did Edward, gah, have to buy a bar when stores like this existed?

I turned to him with tears in my eyes and saw him looking at a tiny nightie with sheer lace hanging from two green M&M's. I had to have it and began imagining all the great lines I could use with such a nightgown. "Edward, ah, want me to melt in your mouth and not in your hands?" Or maybe, "I'm plain and need some nuts." I even considered, "Give your hard candy shell to mama." But then I thought of his mama and it just weirded me out.

I grabbed some M&M covered boxers for him and the sexy nightie for me before heading to the counter to pay. Edward, ah, smiled and I felt my milk chocolate center begin to melt. "Let's go back to the room," I suggested, but my guy shook his head.

"We haven't seen anything yet, there are a lot more shops," he explained.

"I already bought what I wanted; let's go back to the room so I can moon my honey."

"Don't you want to see the wax exhibit?" he asked and pulled me down the sidewalk. I had no interest in wax. Who exhibits wax, and who would pay to see wax exhibited? I wanted to wear my nasty candy nightie and see my guy's m&m's become M&M's.

Instead he took me to a big building that was dark and quiet….like a library, if a library turned off the lights. I stared at the wax face of our president and got totally creeped out. We walked thought the various rooms to see people frozen and totally creepy. I held onto Edward's, gah, arm and tried not to look directly into the eyes of the various disturbing people.

"Look, it's Gwen Stefani," Edward, gah, said and stood next to her. "Take my picture."

"You hollaback all you want, I'm out of here," I said and backed away from her bleached hair and Lamb clothing. I just knew some deranged man with a sling blade was going to jump out at any moment and I would end up an attraction here instead of properly stuffed forever in the M&M store.

I glanced at the square people with big smiles as they led their children through the freaky museum and thanked God I was a squiggle. Squares were sick.

We headed back down the strip and saw a fake pirate ship, a fake Eiffel tower, a fake pyramid, and a fake space needle. Now I knew why Jess posed here, her fake ass made her queen of the city. I stared up at a ride on top of the fake space needle and turned to Edward, ah, "Please, can we ride on that?"

He took a deep breath and finally nodded. I screamed for joy and pulled him into the lobby and up the elevators. The ride was a small train of cars that tilted back and forth on a rail off the top of the building. As we stood in line I whispered in Edward's, ah, ear, "It looks kind of like a penis."

"Let's hope it doesn't shoot its wad off the building. I don't want to die as ejaculate onto the pavement," he said and kid turned to look up at us.

I pointed at his father and said, "He'll explain it to you." By the look the father gave me I wondered if someone needed to explain it to him, too.

We got to sit in the very front and Edward, gah, instantly closed his eyes. I have no idea how he screwed Jess when he was so squeamish. I locked in my harness and then lifted my hands into the air. Edward, gah, peeked over at me and gasped before grabbing my arms and pulling them back down. "Don't do that," he demanded.

"Come on, how often to you get to ride a giant penis?" I pointed out and he laughed loudly before looking at me with raised eyebrows. Oh yeah, he wasn't Eric and I just kind of dissed my own amply endowed man, but he knew what I meant.

The ride started and we rose toward the sky and then dipped down toward the street. The car rocked forward and then backward on the rail as it rose up and down. I found it exhilarating and hollered loudly down to the people on the street below us. Edward, gah, screamed, not like he did during sex, but like a little girl seeing a spider.

When we finally exited the ride Edward, gah, was shaking so badly he could hardly walk. He rode the ride just for me and tried to be as brave as possible. It was such a lemniscates thing to do and I kissed him deeply for it.

"I need a drink," he said and we headed downstairs to the bar. He drank his down quickly as I sipped mine and watched people putting coins into a machine. Sometimes more coins would come out and sometimes they would simply walk away. It didn't look fun at all.

"Do you want to play blackjack?" Edward, gah, asked and I nodded. He had promised to teach me to gamble, but a squiggle gambled on everything in life, so I wasn't sure what gambling he planned on teaching me. We walked over to a table and sat down. The man gave me two cards and asked me to place a bet.

"You need the cards to reach twenty-one without going over. Whoever gets the closest wins the hand," Edward, ah, explained.

I looked at my two tens and the man asked if I needed another card. "Yes," I said, because I needed an ace to make twenty-one.

He handed me a six. "No, I don't want that one," I told him.

"Honey, listen. Don't take another card unless the odds are you'll get one that will take you closer to twenty-one," Edward, ah, tried to explain.

"How am I supposed to know what card he'll hand me?" This game seemed just plain stupid to me.

"That is why it is called gambling," he said and the man handed me two new cards.

I now had a queen and a four. I looked at Edward's, ah, cards and he had a nine and an eight. I turned to the man next to me to see he had a jack and a two. "Hit me," the man said. He was far from twenty-one but he didn't need to be punished for it. I punched his arm and he gave me a dirty look.

"Bella, do you want another card?" Edward, ah, asked me nicely. I wasn't sure since I had less than him and more than the guy next to me. I didn't mind coming in second so I shook my head.

The dealer gave the other guy a king and he huffed loudly. "You won," I yelled to Edward, ah, but then the dealer turned over an ace and a nine.

"No, the dealer won," Edward, ah, explained. Wait, why can he play when he knows what cards he has? I was beginning to hate Vegas.

"You're a cheater," I told the man adamantly.

"Let's try another game," Edward, ah, suggested and I followed him to one of the machines where people were sitting. He showed me how to put in the token and pull the lever. I needed to get three in a row, but sometimes only two in a row would spit out a few tokens. I just couldn't understand the art of gambling.

Edward, ah, won a bucket of tokens, because he was way overdue for some good luck. I liked watching the people more than the machines so I got distracted and ended up with most of my tokens still in my cup. I planned on telling Eric about this place as soon as we returned. His kind appeared to like it here.

We finally left and went to a show. I thought a show would be like a movie or a play. But it was just naked woman with big things on their heads walking to music. Edward, ah, seemed to like it, or it was the fact I was groping him under the table, but he liked something.

A man with a microphone asked who was here for their honeymoon. I jumped up with both hands in the air and noticed about one hundred other hands go up. WTF? How did so many people find out about this place? This was supposed to be our little secret and now it was ruined.

"Let's go back to the room," I told Edward, ah.

I knew there was one thing nobody else was getting and it was my guy and his talented dangler. We walked arm in arm down the street and he kissed my head as I pinched his ass. This was all I needed, my guy and nothing more. It didn't matter where we went as long as we went together. This was all I would want for the rest of my life.

By the time we got back to our room I was all mushy and telling him how much I loved him. It wasn't the drinks talking. It was the fact he loved me just the way I was and never tried to make me into something I wasn't.

"I'm so happy to be Mrs. Cullen, not like your mom, or like, she who must not be named, but the current Mrs. Edward Cullen. The last, the final, the only Mrs. Cullen who is going to love you forever," I gushed in the elevator.

"You are too good to be true," he said and pulled me tightly against his body.

"No, you are too good to be true; you are so good you are a lie. I love you my big liar."

He laughed and I wasn't joking. I couldn't express to him in words how much he meant to me. I was certain there wouldn't be a moment of discord during our marriage. We would agree on everything and never doubt each other. At that moment Edward, gah, belched right in my face.

"Excuse me," he said and I backed out of his arms. "Come on, you never burp?" he accused.

"Not in your face when you are all hot for me," I pointed out because he basically killed the mood by acting like Emmass when he was the last person on earth I wanted to think about right now.

The door opened and I rushed out to escape the air that had been trapped inside of him since the buffet. He walked behind me chuckling….like….like….yes, I have to think it….like Emmett. He wasn't getting either of my M's now.

I went into the bathroom and took off my makeup and brushed my teeth before coming into the room to find Edward, gah, not dressed in his M&M boxers, but lying totally naked on the bed. He finished off the male look by holding the remote in his hand and flipping through the channels. He looked hot, damn hot, and he was getting me hot, damn hot.

"If you apologize I'll join you," I told him, since I was taking a stand and wanted to be taking a lay.

"Apologize for what?" he asked Emmettly, I mean stupidly.

"For belching in my face," I reminded him.

"I'm not going to apologize for something natural," he said and my hands pulled into fists.

Marriage was so much harder than I expected. It was one little word, sorry, and he couldn't say it. I decided to play dirty. I grabbed my M&M nightie and went back into the bathroom. I smiled at the sight of my two green girls and the big red guy on my butt.

I sashayed back into the room to shake my sugar but Edward, gah, stared at the television with his jaw all tense like he was pissed at me. I didn't burp, he did. I walked in front of the screen slowly and he only leaned to look around me. Oh, it was on like pong. I marched over to the balcony to flash the city with both M's but it worked out even better. A couple of guys were standing on the balcony next to ours and I walked out to let them see my M&M's.

"Hey sweetheart," one man said and I instantly tensed. This was a much better idea when I was mad and now it just made me seem cheap…like Jess.

"I'm on my honeymoon, so don't talk to me," I informed them. "My husband is naked but he's mad at me right now." I had no idea why I was babbling like a fool to perfect strangers and why I didn't duck back into the room. Marriage was making me seem crazy.

"I won't get mad at you, cookie," the other guys said as he leered at me.

"Their M&M's not cookies," I corrected him.

"Bella, get your ass in here now," Edward, gah, demanded.

I marched back into the room ready to tear into him, but the look on his face shocked me. He looked…scared. I quickly closed my mouth and he took a few deep breaths. "I don't want other men looking at my wife."

"They can look at they want, they're not getting anything," I mumbled.

"No, they can't even look. You're mine, you are my miracle that I don't deserve," he said softly.

I had two warring responses. I wanted to tell him he didn't own me, but he called me his miracle and I wanted to kiss him senseless for it. He so owned me. I rushed into his arms and he got to work trying to melt my candy in his hands and in his mouth.

The next morning we headed out to see some big important dam. I didn't care about the engineering; I just liked using the word dam in every sentence. Edward, ah, was interested in the engineering so we took a tour. For several hours a young man in a dam shirt talked about every dam detail he could think of. It was so dam boring. I wanted Edward, ah, to piss off the top, that would have been dam interesting, but he wouldn't do it. We then headed to the dam lake and rode some dam jet skis. It turned into a pretty dam fun day.

We saw a comedian that night and my cheeks were so sore from laughing…sometimes after Edward, ah, explained things to me. Sophisticated Vegas humor lost me at times, but not my brilliant man, he got every single joke. When the comedian asked where people were from I yelled out, "Forks." He said, "Not what you're doing here, but where you're from."

I looked at Edward, ah, for an explanation. "Forks sounds like Fucks, love."

"Forks is fucked," I mumbled and wondered if I should have tried my luck at comedy. Naw, I wasn't a naturally funny person.

"Are you on your honeymoon, sweetheart?" the man asked while looking right at me.

"Yes, I'm Mrs. Edward, ah, Cullen, the third," I announced proudly and stood to talk to the man.

"You're the third Mrs. Cullen?" he asked and the entire room broke into laughter. It wasn't funny, it was only true. "So are you glad you married the guy or is all the mystery gone already?"

"Oh, we had sex before we married, there was no mystery," I told him and Edward, ah, dropped his head into his hands.

"You weren't a virgin?" the comedian gasped. "I bet you're the only bride in Vegas that wasn't."

Seriously…brides in Vegas were usually virgins? My dad would be kicking himself for not raising me in Vegas. And now I know why Jess had to come here for pictures. I bet there is a shrine in her honor for sleeping with all the poor men in Vegas.

"What do you do?" the man asked me and put the microphone in my face.

"Him," I announced and pointed at Edward, ah.

"For money?" the guy asked and the crowd roared.

"No, for a houseboat and a bar," I told them, because my guy bought a squiggle bar just for me and a houseboat he hated, too.

"What does he do?"

"Well, me now, but he used to do Jess, the whore, Stanley," I announced to the packed room breaking his rule yet again.

"From Seattle?" the comedian asked as he covered his microphone with his hand.

Oh my God, this guy slept with her too. Poor Edward looked like he wanted to crawl under a table. I had to save him so I quickly added, "She lied and his first cheating wife had just died, so he wasn't thinking clearly. What's your excuse?"

The man let his head fall back in laughter, but I noticed he didn't answer my question. I sat back in my chair and leaned over to kiss my embarrassed guy, yeah, marrying J.S. was downright humiliating for him.

We were exhausted that night and actually fell asleep without consummating our love, so we consummated twice the next morning, then went to another all you can eat buffet for breakfast. I would be huge if I lived here. Ah, now all the Vegas virgins made sense.

It was time to head back to Port Angeles so Edward could open the club. He was doing most of the bartending himself and couldn't take off too much time. I didn't mind, I was tired of this place. We flew to Seattle and spent a few hours with his parents.

"Did you have fun?" Esme asked me as we made coffee.

"Yes, I had candy fun and Edward, ah, had dam fun," I explained.

She looked at me for a moment and then said, "I hope my son gave you a romantic honeymoon to remember." Then she picked up the tray of coffee cups and headed back into the other room.

I followed behind and said, "He did, the gay underwear didn't ruin it too much."

We entered the den to find Edward, gah, telling Carlisle all the damn details of our trip. Not about the honeymoon, but about the dam. It must be a guy thing.

"Bella," Carlisle said directly to me and I froze until I remembered I didn't work for him anymore. "We unloaded all your gifts on the houseboat."

"Thanks, you didn't look under the pillow on the bed did you?" I asked hesitantly.

Carlisle looked at Esme and then at Edward, ah, who was looking everywhere but at his father. I guess he didn't want him seeing the vibrator Eric bought me as a joke either. Carlisle shook his head and I let out a rush of air. "Oh good," I said. "Because Eric thought it would be funny if I put it…."

Edward, ah, quickly covered my mouth with his hand and I took it as his way of telling me to shut up. So I did. They most likely wouldn't get gay humor anyway, they were both too square.

When it was time to go Carlisle gave me a weird kind of half hug and Esme pulled me to her chest tightly. "I hope you feel like a daughter to me some day," she said and I had to swallow down the barf that was rising. If I was her daughter I would be Edward's sister, gross.

"No, that's okay," I offered so she wouldn't be buying us matching clothes. "I'll just be Bella to you."

We drove to Port Angeles and parked in front of our houseboat. Edward, ah, held out his arms and insisted on carrying me onto the boat. Like I said, I'm heavier than I look so when he stepped one foot onto the boat we both tumbled forward. He dropped me onto my hands and knees and I slid forward as he slid directly behind me, face first, right into my ass.

He grabbed his bleeding nose and fell to his side as I grabbed my throbbing tail bone and fell to my side. "Ahh, you broke my nose," he moaned.

"No I didn't, you cracked my ass," I responded.

"God, it hurts to pinch it," he continued.

"Don't you dare, it really hurts," I complained and a bit pissed he wanted to pinch my ass.

"Get me something for the blood," he said as he continued to cover his nose. I grabbed a rag that was lying on the deck and he pulled it to his nose. I suddenly remembered it was the rag I used to clean up the pee Sami left. Edward couldn't smell right now, so I stayed quiet.

When he finally recovered we both headed down to our living quarters. I was walking bow legged and Edward's, ah, nose was swelling quickly. By the time we made it to the club I could hardly walk and Edward, ah, had two black eyes.

Leah showed up with Jake, barf, and I walked to their table as I held my hand on my bent back. "What's wrong?" Jake, barf, asked me and then glanced at a bruised Edward, ah.

"Nothing, we got home from our honeymoon," I told him before walking hunched over and bow legged back to the bar.

Jake barf stared at me most of the night with a funny expression on his face, a look of….regret. It was really weird. I was stunned when Edward, ah, walked onto the stage and leaned into the microphone. There was no way he could sing with his swollen nose. He smiled gently at me and announced. "I can't sing but I wanted to tell my wife how much I love her. Everyone, join me in a toast to my angel," he said and held up a glass.

My eyes got all watery and it had nothing to do with the pain of sitting on the bar stool. I grabbed a shot and held it up. I wasn't toasting myself; I was toasting my amazing lemniscates.

"Bella, I knew the first time I kissed you that someday you would be my wife," he said.

I didn't know it then, I just knew I loved his dangler, but I would keep that to myself. Yeah, big guy, you were king of my bed and that was way more adventurous than king of the jungle.

"Mrs. Cullen, would you come up here," he said into the mic.

Damn that Esme, why did she have to show up on our first night back? We already gave them the honeymoon run down.

"Bella?"

Oh, me, I'm Mrs. Cullen. Thank God, I didn't want square Esme here to see me walk tenderly up to the stage. Edward was a great lover, but come on, even he couldn't produce bow legged women. He gave me a toe curling kiss as he cried from the pain in his nose and I cried from the pain in my ass. Not him, just…well, you know.

From that moment on we were just like everyone else, a married couple trying our best to make a life together. We had an edge over the rest of the world because we weren't squares. And as soon as my ass heals I'll be right back to turning his world upside down, and he would be keeping me grounded to his heart. This was going to be fun.


End file.
